Watch What We Say: Top Chef
Episode 5
By Jason Lee
December 12, 2008
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Gail has always been my favorite judge on Top Chef. She's smart, she's pretty, she's witty, she doesn't put on airs . . . you have no doubt that Gail knows her stuff and wants each week to objectively and accurately assess the dishes by each chef and send the right person home. It's this combination of intellect, attractiveness and integrity that first drew me in and it continues to make me excited whenever I see her on the judging panel.
For this reason, I was extremely eager to watch this week's episode, as it centers primarily around Gail.
But I'm getting ahead of myself (you really shouldn't let me do that so often!). The show opens with Jaime and a little doll that's wearing pants made out of a Calphalon Cookware towel.
Apparently (and seemingly supported by a couple of interviews seen later in the show) Stefan, our favorite Finn, has a crush on Jaime, our favorite lesbian. It is the most recent of five gifts that Stefan has made and given to Jaime, who is not impressed (also not impressed, I would imagine, is Calphalon Cookware, who is a frequent sponsor of the show).
It's an interesting tidbit about the cast dynamic but I'm not sure where this straight-crush is going. Will Stefan and Jaime hook up down the line? Not likely. Will they get into a big argument later in the season? Quite possible. Will the duo end up as the two finalists for the Top Chef title? Hrmmmm . . . . that's an interesting possibility.
But no time to ponder that because the Quickfire Challenge is underway. In a twist on a Quickfire Challenge that we've seen in seasons past, the chefs will be paired up in a playoff-bracket style (NCAA Football commissioners should take notice for BCS replacement) in a test of their palates. They will each sample a sauce and à la Name That Tune, they will take turns saying how many ingredients they can name from that sauce. I must say, combining culinary knowledge with a challenge that requires Survivor-like interpersonal strategy (guessing how far you can push your opponent and how many ingredients they'd really be able to identify) is fascinating.
The entire thing comes down to big-eyed Carla, bald-Finnish Stefan and bald-but-not-Finnish Hosea. Carla takes herself out of the running on her first try with a bad guess and it's down to Stefan and Hosea. At this point in the episode, Stefan has been so unbearably egotistical that it's both probable to imagine Stefan losing (I think to myself, "He might throw a fit!") and Stefan winning (I think to myself, "Then I'd hate him more!"). Either way, it's great reality TV.
Hosea wins and Stefan immediately adopts an expression that's eerily reminiscent of John McCain's on election night . . .
The knife block is brought out and each chef draws a knife – we find that every knife has one of four words written on it: old, new, borrowed or blue. Okay, so we're cooking for a bridal shower and each team is a culinary theme based off of that famous wedding rhyme. But whose wedding is it?
DUM-DA-DA-DAAAAAAAA!!! Praise be to heaven, it's Gail! And although she always looks fantastic, her smile is even more radiant today. I love her. She looks so extremely excited about getting married. I instantly decide that I will hate whichever chef cooks a bad meal for her bridal shower as it would ruin the start of Gail's wedding week.
The chefs confer within their team (there are four teams of three) to decide on their dish. Jeff, Stefan and Hosea (who has immunity) have the theme of "old" and decide on a trio of tomatoes, using Heirloom tomatoes (which are grown on old vines, I think) and some traditional (meaning, old) cooking techniques. Though they are technically the opener of the meal, I wonder if the tomato dish will be too boring for the guests, which will include many of Gail's colleagues from Food and Wine magazine.
The team that has "new" theme includes Carla, Eugene and Daniel. They decide (in an absolutely bizarre application of logic) to do a surf-and-turf sushi. Because that's really new. And has never been done before. This is about the third time that Eugene has done sushi this season and I'm starting to think that this week, with this inexplicable choice for a dish, he may be going home.
The "borrowed" team includes Radhika (who I'm really starting to like), Ariane (our beloved underdog) and Jaime (who has been in the top three challenges that I can remember offhand but has yet to win anything). Jaime is really driving the design of their dish, deciding that they'll go Indian both to "borrow" Radhika's culture (culinary imperialism, anyone?) but also so that they can use a spice that Jaime brought from home. I'm rooting for these girls. I like all of them.
Finally, there's the "blue" team and they include crazy, Italian Fabio, Leah and Melissa. Through their disccusion, I'm surprised to learn that there is no food that is truly blue. Judge Tom confirms this later – blueberries are purple, blue corn is not really blue, etc. So what are they gonna do? Fabio has the brilliant idea to take blue as a theme and cook a deep water fish: Chilean Sea Bass. Top Chef fanatics will remember that Hung cooked this fish in Season 3's airplane challenge, as this fish stays moist through almost any cooking technique.
Rapid shopping and cooking ensues. A couple things stand out at this point. One, Stefan does not like the tomato sorbet that Jeff is cooking. Two, I question the "new" team's sanity when they allow Eugene to convince them to pile surf-and-turf ingredients on their patron's plates and let them put their own sushi together (cause that's really new). Three, Eugene has messed up the rice and confidently tells us that he knows how to fix overcooked rice. Four, Ariane is cooking the lamb and I'm scared.
The editors have done their job and now I have a multitude of scenarios running through my head for what might happen. I think Jeff's sorbet will be a big miss and maybe the token shirtless-surfer-chef will be on his way out. I think Eugene has lost his culinary bearings and because now his team's dish looks like both a conceptual and executional mess, I think he might be going home. Ariane might be going home because she always might be going home.
After the diners file in, Padma thanks everyone for coming to celebrate Gail's upcoming wedding. Everyone applauds. Gail looks like a giddy schoolgirl and can't help herself from exclaiming, "I just can't wait to get married!" I can't wait either, Gail, but the voters in California won't let ME get married thanks to something stupid called Proposition 8 . . .
Anways, service starts and "old" is up first. They put their plates out in front of an intimidating group of female diners and it seems like their dish is a hit. Nothing distasteful on the plate and Jeff's sorbet is apparently delicious. Not much screen time is given to them so I'm assuming that they're all safe.
The "new" team starts plating dishes and – *ALARM BELLS, ALARM BELLS* Oh my lord, it seems that Daniel has decided on his own that Carla's salad needs shitake mushrooms at the bottom of it. Without discussing it with anyone, he cooks and dumps a bunch of shitake mushrooms into the bottom of Carla's wonton bowls and she has no choice (due to the ticking click) to do anything but continue to scoop her salad on top of the mushrooms. She can't even taste her dish before it goes out. This is bad.
Yes, it's bad. Their plate looks awful . . . like a little Whitman's Sampler, but with surf-and-turf ingredients instead of chocolate. And to top it all off, Eugene forgets to mention to the diners that they're supposed to combine the ingredients on the plate themselves to make their sushi rolls. I'm starting to think that this is the biggest catastrophe that we've seen so far this season.
Team "borrowed" is up next and Ariane is freaking out. Her lamb is not done. The girls re-arrange their plating schedule to let the lamb cook for a few more minutes (not wanting to serve raw lamb . . . I think Jaime learned her lesson last week). It's hectic and crazy and insane and every other chef has to pitch in, but the girls get their dish out. Whew.
And what a dish. Everyone loves Jaime's pureed carrots with Indian spices and the lamb is apparently cooked to perfection. Let the record note that this is the second episode in a row where Ariane has cooked her protein perfectly.
Finally, we have team "blue." While they've managed to include a lot of blue elements in the dish (yellow corn and green chard are next to blue on the color spectrum, blue cornmeal on the sea bass, etc.) and even though they have Fabio introduce the dish to all the lady diners (hoping that he'll charm them with his Italian accent, which he does), their dish falls flat. It apparently has no textural contrast . . . in fact, one diner calls it "old people food." Ouch.
So it comes down as expected. The all-guy team of "old" and the all-girl team of "borrowed" are on the top. Again, as expected, Team borrowed win the challenge and it's up to Food and Wine editor, Dana Cowen, who's acting as guest judge this week, to announce the winner. Now, we know that Jaime wants to win this. She's been so close the last couple of weeks. She hasn't won anything yet. She even whispers to Ariane while standing before the judges that she really wants to win this.
"The winning chef cooked the most flavorful, delicious dish of the evening," Dana says. "That chef is . . ."
Everyone is looking at Jaime. Jaime is leaning forward in anticipation of hearing her name come out of Dana's mouth.
". . . Ariane."
Ariane is understandably shocked. "What, me?!?!" she exclaims. Jaime swings her head around in shock to stare at Ariane. I crow happily, glad to see my little underdog showing that she can cook, too. During her interview, Ariane expresses joy that she won another challenge but sadness as well because she knew how badly Jaime wanted to win this.
Jaime, later, consoles herself by telling us that every other chef thought she was gonna win. I'm sad for her but I know that she's got the talent to win a challenge very soon down the line.
But for now, it's time for the tough part. The bottom teams come out and they get to listen to the judges berate them. Carla had disgusting mushrooms at the bottom of her salad and should have spoken up when the team's dish started going astray. Daniel has a bad palate for thinking that his mushrooms tasted bad and that the dish was good. Eugene had a failed concept, bad rice and bad shrimp. And that's just the "new" team.
The "blue" team gets just as bad comments from the judges. The dish was too simple. It was all mushy on the plate. There was nothing exciting about it.
The two teams head back to the stew room. Upon entry, Eugene promptly bends over and asks a fellow chef if he has two assholes because the judges ripped him a new one. I don't blame him.
The judges meanwhile ruminate on the fate of their chefs. As you can imagine, someone from the "new" team is going home. Tom really has a problem with Daniel thinking that their dish was any good. Gail thinks that it was admirable (and I do too) that Carla avoided saying what she really thought about her teammates and their dish to preserve her integrity. Tom disagrees and said that she should have spoken up. Dana slams Eugene for thinking that he could fix bad rice.
I'm thinking at this point that Daniel should prepare to leave. Typically at this point in the season, the judges send home the person that deserves to be in the competition the least. Making simple mistakes, being ignorant of culinary protocols, not recognizing when something's wrong . . . they're all ways that the judges can tell when a chef is really out of their league on Top Chef and I think this time, they'll decide that Daniel is that chef this year.
The "new" team comes back out and they each get their heads handed to them on a plate. Carla should voiced her opinion and saved the dish during the conceptual phase. Eugene bad some really had decisions both in the composition and in the execution of the dish. Daniel simply had no clue that anything on the plate was bad – a travesty when the entire plate was bad. To sum it all up, Tom announces that he'd really like to send them all home. Ouch again.
Yep, it's Daniel. Our good ole Long Island chef is going home. He's brisk and seemingly nonchalant as he bids his chefs goodbye but we know that he's really hurting. During his final interview, he says that he believes the judges made the wrong decision and I can't really blame him. If he'd played his cards right during Judges Table, Eugene probably would have been the chef sent home. But hindsight is all 20/20. Daniel is gone and Eugene lives to make sushi again another day.
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