A-List: Respectable Actors and Actresses
Who Need Career Help
By Josh Spiegel
July 22, 2009
BoxOfficeProphets.com

When you think of me, please forget Bewitched, The Invasion and Australia.
In some ways, it's kind of hard to be an actor deserving and worthy of audience respect. Sure, acting isn't the hardest of jobs, but becoming a movie star, someone who millions of people love and look up to, and maintaining a career worthy of stardom isn't so easy. There are, of course, rare cases of people who manage to stay popular despite less-than-worthy movies. For example, let's look at Angelina Jolie (I'll wait the appropriate amount of time for those of you who'd like to take that instruction literally). She is one of the most well-known, oft-recognized people in the entire world, and some of her most popular movies are the Lara Croft series. Shakespeare, it's not. Still, she and Brad Pitt, the most beautiful Hollywood couple...ever, perhaps, are huge stars. They can apparently do no wrong.

Not so many actors are as lucky as Brangelina, though. There are some actors, one of whom is such an egregious offender of being in terrible movies that this list is named in memorial of his career, who just do not know when to stop working. Sure, everyone's not as rich as Brad Pitt, but there is something to be said for a bit of dignity. How can an actor like...yes, Nicolas Cage get away with being a voice in the guinea pig action movie known as G-Force? How? How is this possible? I know he was Ghost Rider, he was in the remake of The Wicker Man, and all the other painful credits, but G-Force? Really?

In case, then, that you haven't guessed it, this A-List is not only about actors who need help in their careers to stop making unspeakably bad movies, but it excludes the immensely checkered life of Nicolas Cage, Academy Award winner (and now, starring next to Tracy Morgan's voice). This list is in honor of him, because he's the worst example of any actor who ever did a movie simply for a paycheck. Again, this list is not about those actors who make one or two mistakes over their careers for the big bucks (The lead guinea pig in G-Force is voiced by Sam Rockwell, a brilliant actor who rarely steps wrong — speaking of, if you'd like a Rockwell fix this month, watch Moon, not G-Force); the list focuses on the true offenders. So, let's revel in the pain of these actors' choices.

Al Pacino

Oh boy. Or, in his words, OH BOY! Watching Al Pacino work these days is among the most painful things a person can force themselves to go through. Here is the actor who was once Michael Corleone. Here is the actor who faced off with Robert De Niro in Heat. Here is the star of 88 Minutes? Pacino still has the ability to ensnare audiences in his grasp, easily; for a recent example, check out the underrated 2002 crime drama Insomnia, where Pacino faces off against Robin Williams, of all people, keeping a quiet amount of calm (it's also worth checking out because of its director, future Batman helmer Christopher Nolan). Still, the Al Pacino that most people know these days is best personified in one of the climactic scenes in 1997's The Devil's Advocate.

Pacino plays the Devil here and, in the scene, explains to his adversary, Keanu Reeves (stop laughing, I'm not at the good part yet), that God is a "sadist! He's an absentee landlord!" If you haven't seen this on TV, check out the scene on YouTube and try not to laugh at Pacino's scenery-chomping performance. Heck, try not to laugh at Reeves shouting at Pacino. Either way, this is one of the best American actors from a previous era, and he needs a major career makeover. What he needs to stick to are lower-key roles; Insomnia, The Insider, and the most recent version of Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice are prime examples of the best work he can offer. So, Al, avoid the loud roles for the time being...please?

Nicole Kidman

Think back to the year 2001. This was a good year for Nicole Kidman. This was the year that she starred in Moulin Rouge! and The Others, two well-regarded genre movies, one of which ended up garnering her an Academy Award nomination for Best Actress. The following year, Kidman won an Oscar for her portrayal of real-life author Virginia Woolf in The Hours. Things have gone downhill since then, I'm sad to say, as I'm a fan of the actress's work. It's hard to defend someone who starred in Bewitched, The Golden Compass, and The Invasion, though. To be fair, if the next movie she's in doesn't do well, I doubt we'll be able to blame her.

The movie is the upcoming musical Nine, which also stars Judi Dench, Marion Cotillard, Sophia Loren, Penelope Cruz, and Daniel Day-Lewis. So...yeah, I doubt it'll be on her shoulders should the movie suck. This is a good start to getting back into the limelight, but Kidman needs to be in more original work, or movies that aren't based on kitschy sitcoms no one likes anymore. Starting with an ensemble piece such as Nine could help her, or it could just reaffirm the belief that the year 2001 was a big fluke. Nicole, I hope you prove them wrong.

Robert De Niro

You might think that I pretty much covered the intense Italian-American actor set when I discussed Al Pacino, but you'd be wrong. Yes, Pacino's been in some massive clunkers, but let me throw a few of these out to you: Meet the Fockers. Analyze That. Arthur and the Invisibles. Hide and Seek. The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle. The difference here is that Pacino's flops are sad, but usually aren't big movies. We can't say the same for De Niro, whose flops are pretty big (honestly, I'm tempted to put both of the De Niro-Stiller comedies on that list, but I know some people would argue). He's the kind of actor who thinks he's funny (see his performance as Fearless Leader in Rocky and Bullwinkle for proof), but doesn't have enough friends with the stones to tell him that...no, he's really not funny.

His performance in Stardust was odd, and funny, but I'm not sure I laughed for the right reasons. It's an underrated movie, but do I need to see Jake La Motta dancing to the can-can in a feather boa and dress? The rest of his future is relatively dim; he's got a movie called Little Fockers coming out, which means that he still hasn't learned his lessons; aside from that, his IMDb page isn't so descriptive. Hopefully, De Niro can find another serious role to take, something that requires a bit of a challenge, not just an easy payday. I'd rather have a 21st-century role to cherish alongside the classics from the '70s and '80s, but I'm not so sure he can back away from the big bucks.

Michael Sheen

I really like Michael Sheen, when he's playing people from real life. There is, however, another Michael Sheen, the British actor most known for his role as David Frost in Frost/Nixon. This second Michael Sheen likes to star in the Underworld franchise and is currently making the second film in the Twilight series, New Moon. We need to stop this second man from ever making movies again. It's one thing to want to do genre movies in between more serious work (though I'd argue playing Frost or ex-Prime Minister Tony Blair isn't the most challenging work an actor can do), but this is becoming embarrassing. There's a right way to do genre movies, and a wrong way.

For example, there are rumors floating around these here Interwebs that Sheen is up to be the villain in the next James Bond movie: he'd play Blofeld in this scenario. Who knows whether or not the rumors have any truth to them, but that is how you do a genre movie. Sure, it's too early to tell if the movie would be any good, with or without Sheen, but it's not a bad start. A good step he's making, one that is definitely happening, is his supporting role as the White Rabbit in the 2010 version of Alice in Wonderland from director Tim Burton. This may not be a genre film in the strictest sense, but it's also no highbrow true story. Sheen's work is stronger than some critics give him credit for, usually because he manages to play understated characters against more colorful types. We can only hope he decides to stop playing supernatural characters in cheesy schlock.

Christopher Walken

I know, Christopher Walken is awesome. And he is, don't get me wrong. Intentional or not, he has amazing comic timing (if I say the word "cowbell," most of you will know what I mean). He is frequently the best thing in each movie he's in. However, he is frequently the only good thing in each movie he's in. I sat through Balls of Fury, a painful 90 minutes punctuated by a few good laughs provided by Walken. Domino is generally terrible, but he's interesting to watch. Gigli - yeah, I saw it (if it's any consolation, it was free, I was reviewing it, and boy, did I hate it). He's good, but for five minutes. Why can't Christopher Walken choose better projects? He's a good actor.

If you watch him in Catch Me If You Can, another underrated movie, you'll find him surrounded by equally talented people; I'd argue his work is elevated by the quality that permeates the rest of the film. I wonder, though, if the whole joke perpetuated on "Saturday Night Live," that Walken's just an oddball, has rubbed off on the actor; does he really believe this is all he has to offer? God, I hope not. He's obviously not content with not working, but someone needs to make sure the next project this man is in deserves his many talents; even the people behind Hairspray knew to let him dance for a few minutes.