A-List: More Actors Who Shouldn’t Play Ebenezer Scrooge
By Josh Spiegel
November 5, 2009
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Okay, I'm being a bit nitpicky. Usually, when it comes to adaptations of books, I'm very laid-back; a movie is a movie, and a book is a book, no matter how big. And yet, my hypocritical streak only comes out whenever Charles Dickens' classic novella about a miser who learns to live again thanks to some rejuvenated holiday spirit is in the mix. It's been a long, long time since a feature film version of A Christmas Carol was released that didn't have some unique quirks to make it stand out from just being an adaptation. Since 1951, when the British version starring Alastair Sim was released, we've seen a version with Mr. Magoo as Scrooge, a version with Mickey Mouse, a version with the Muppets, a version with Bill Murray as a Scrooge character, and now we've got the most unique version of all.
Disney's A Christmas Carol is from director Robert Zemeckis, and is presented in his new favorite form of filmmaking, motion-capture. Looking like some odd mix of computer animation and live performance, Disney's A Christmas Carol manages to use only a few actors on a soundstage, and make it look like the London of the 1800s. And, as the iconic character Ebenezer Scrooge, who else but famed...comedian Jim Carrey. Carrey will also be playing all three Ghosts who visit Scrooge (of course, Gary Oldman is also playing Tiny Tim, so it's weird casting all around). Carrey wouldn't seem a likely candidate for a relatively faithful version, but thanks to motion-capture, he looks a lot older. In a bit of Christmas spirit, though, I had to wonder what other unlikely actors could, but shouldn't, take on the mantle of Ebenezer Scrooge, and came up with a list of five actors who really shouldn't come anywhere near this classic, but if Hollywood's bored, they will.
Adam Sandler
Okay, being fair, Sandler has skirted very, very close to the kind of treacle and sentimentality that a bad version of A Christmas Carol can veer into. What, don't you remember Click, which was only slightly a twist on It's A Wonderful Life, where he played a guy who had a pretty good life, but wanted to see what things would be like if he had a remote control that could pause things, mute his nagging wife (played by Kate Beckinsale; I won't go harping on it too much, but give me a break) even though she's incredibly hot and charming and Kate Beckinsale - okay, I'm harping. Things spiral out of control for the Sandler character, which means that he'll learn a valuable lesson in the end.
Sandler is, of course, way too young to play Ebenezer Scrooge, but if it's not stopping Jim Carrey, it shouldn't stop him! For example, Click featured Sandler in old-age makeup, so maybe that's the best idea. If Sandler doesn't decide to remake Scrooged (he already remade Mr. Deeds Goes To Town, so why not another well-regarded film?), he might either take on a modern-day take, as a hotshot businessman, maybe in the stock market, realizes how great his life has been, and how terrible he's become because of his greed; if not, get Sandler to a dialect coach and teach him how to speak like a real live British person! Hey, why not get him whoever taught Dick Van Dyke his goofy Cockney accent? I see this one making millions.
Kevin Costner
I know what you're thinking, folks. We all remember Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, even if we might not want to. Costner's British accent in that film was, in a word, horrendous. This, however, will be his chance at redemption, not only at having a solid accent, but at hitting the spotlight once again. Costner has, in recent years, done a variation on his good-old-boy role in The Upside of Anger and Swing Vote. Now that he's gotten that out of his system, I envision a return to the halcyon days of writing and directing once again. Sure, I know you're thinking, once again, of a failure such as The Postman, but why not give Costner the reins? He's gotten the major, major flop out of his system, so it's about time he struck back with something more solid.
Moreover, Costner is getting old enough to play a miser like Ebenezer Scrooge, so there won't be as much need for makeup. Just get him to grow out his stubble a bit, not have a haircut for a few months or so, he'll be set. Costner, also, has been accused of having somewhat large ideas of his own talent (or at least, he did in the 1990s), so a film where he could write, direct, and star, especially as one of the most iconic characters in all of literature, would be a perfect fit. Now, if he happens to make a good movie (hopefully with some solid character actors like Will Patton as Mr. Fezziwig, Morgan Freeman as Bob Cratchit - I said it - and maybe Mary McDonnell as a slightly older Belle), we're all the luckier.
Tom Cruise
Oh yeah. Listen, if we're going to have more version of A Christmas Carol, and even more variations on the common theme, let's get some action in here. I'm seeing Cruise turning this story of a miser into one about a hardened cop who's too focused on the job to even appreciate the spirit of Christmas. Maybe it could even be called Mission: Impossible 4: A Christmas Carol, making Ethan Hunt the lead in a ghost story of his own making. I'm not sure that we could get J.J. Abrams to direct again, but Cruise will likely love such an ego trip. Granted, Cruise is actually a solid performer, in such dramatic roles in films like Magnolia and Jerry Maguire, but he could probably ham his way through the classic line "Bah, humbug!" Oh, and get Katie Holmes to play Belle - no, wait, she'd probably be a bit better as the Ghost of Christmas Past, seeing as she still acts like a waif. Who's with me?
Hugh Grant
It wouldn't really make sense for a list about potential actors to play Ebenezer Scrooge to not include someone actually from the United Kingdom, right? Grant is certainly getting on in years (take a look at the promotional materials for his latest film, Did You Hear About The Morgans? - the answer being "No, and I'd just as soon not hear about them", by the way - and you'll see some gray hair sprouting near his ears), and he's skilled as a charming, raffish lead. More than likely, he'd ace the flashback scenes where Scrooge is an awkward, somewhat antisocial clerk; few British actors these days do awkward better than Grant. Of course, when it comes to the heavy dramatics, specifically when Scrooge focuses more on money than his beautiful girlfriend, Grant may have to work a bit harder than usual.
Still, Grant's goofy charm has given way, in films like About A Boy, to a bit of regular Scrooge-ish behavior. In that film, even though he'd argue that he didn't do much of anything resembling acting, Grant showed that he can actually do more than stand opposite loud and unfunny actresses like Sandra Bullock and Sarah Jessica Parker and act. So why is Grant on a list of actors who shouldn't touch the story? Well, Grant seems to have shied away from doing films like About A Boy, focusing instead of films starring, in the upcoming case, Sarah Jessica Parker. Grant may be suffering from some greed issues of his own, if all he's doing is making money. Get thee to an acting coach, Hugh.
Robin Williams
Listen, I give Robin Williams credit. Way more credit than most people do. I actually saw Jakob The Liar, his late-1990s attempt to out-Benigni Roberto Benigni with a Holocaust tearjerker. No, I didn't like it, but hey, how many of you actually sat through that movie? These days, Williams' fast-paced shtick isn't seen as funny anymore, instead just a bit pathetic. Yes, he pulled off an indie role in World's Greatest Dad, but his latest project is the high-concept comedy Old Dogs, with John Travolta. Look as Barbarino and Mork raise a kid! I bet some wackiness will ensue, and I will have to grab my sides, because they hurt so much while I laugh. The point here is that Williams, despite some quirky choices like Insomnia and One Hour Photo, has been doing more movies like Old Dogs and RV to make some dough.
Williams could possibly hold in his inner child, to not make Scrooge as hyperactive as Jim Carrey's Grinch in a film that we should just not talk about ever again. Frankly, even the possibility that Williams would come to a movie set as Ebenezer Scrooge by way of the Genie from Aladdin chills me to the bone. Sure, he could be layered in his performance, but don't you want someone consistent, or capable of surprising you in a good way, as opposed to the ham-fisted silliness you get from movies like Father's Day (and yes, that's another one I saw, in the theatres; what a waste of time). Williams can be a good actor, like Hugh Grant or even Kevin Costner. The likelihood that he will be good is very, very disturbingly low.