Make an Argument
Why Lady Gaga’s “Telephone” is the best music video you’ll see this year
By Eric Hughes
March 18, 2010
BoxOfficeProphets.com
I'm regrettably late to the party on Lady Gaga's music videos. This can best be explained by my utter confusion during the premiere of her latest creation, "Telephone." Expecting a video that ran a tad longer than the song's official runtime or included some chaotic costumes we've all seen the Gaga adorn on awards shows and other TV appearances, I found myself at a loss for words when what unfolded in front of me was unlike anything I've seen in a music video.
A week ago, I was of the mindset that music videos were dead. Heck, MTV, the empire formerly known as Music Television, doesn't even play ‘em anymore. Having watched Gaga's "Telephone," however, I realize we're far from that point, especially when talent like Gaga releases a music video via the Internet that has already been streamed over 17 million times in mere days.
It's only March, and Gaga's "Telephone" is the best music video you'll see this year. Here's why:
The video turned a pop song with superficial lyrics into a meaningful anthem that is as unforgettable as Michael Jackson's "Thriller"
Had Lady Gaga adapted to video the lyrics to "Telephone" like Christians do the Bible (read: too literally), the music video to "Telephone" would have looked something like this: Lady Gaga in a swanky club, drink in one hand, cell phone in the other. While Gaga leads the conga line on the floor, her new squeeze repeatedly tries reaching her by cell. But Gaga is having so much fun that she can only say: "Sorry, I cannot hear you, I'm kinda busy." Smash to the boyfriend, who pouts on his king-sized bed while sipping champagne, dialing Gaga and getting a busy signal. And repeat, repeat, repeat. When she's "sippin' that bubb," Gaga best be "sippin' that bubb." When she says, "Tonight I'm not takin' no calls, ‘cause I'll be dancin'," you better believe Gaga is takin' no calls, ‘cause she's, well, dancin'.
What we actually get is a totally different scenario. Here's the gist: Gaga is thrown in jail, strips down to her skivvies, makes out with a supposed asexual, dances around in a bikini, gets bailed out of jail by Beyonce, poisons a diner's clientele using a deadly recipe (1 oz. rat poison, 1/2 oz. meta-cyanide and other ingredients) and then flees the scene in Tarantino's Pussy Wagon with police in hot pursuit.
Though the video will leave you scratching your head as to how the images are related to the lyrics, it's worth noting that the two have nothing to do with each other. While "Telephone" the single is about getting crunk in a club, "Telephone" the video is about murdering a sizeable crowd and excitedly dancing in little to no clothing. The two are mutually exclusive.
The point here is that Gaga could have taken the easy road like most working music artists by translating her superficial lyrics into a forgettable video. Instead, Gaga firmly cemented her catchy "Telephone" into popular culture by creating a totally unique-to-Gaga music video. We've all seen artists dance to their material. Hell, Beyonce and other groundbreaking popsters (Justin Timberlake included) are guilty of it. What we haven't seen, though, is captured in nearly every frame of Gaga's "Telephone." When you think of "Telephone," you'll be thinking of the video to "Telephone." And that's exactly Gaga's point.
Lady Gaga is fearless
Watch "Telephone" and you'll come to realize that Lady Gaga is willing to do pretty much anything – which is all one could want in a pop star. In the opening minutes alone, she wears a black and white dress offering up an extraordinary amount of cleavage. Then she's tossed in jail and reduced to wearing little more than a teensy bikini. And in her special way of responding to bloggers who claimed she has a penis, Gaga rubs her lady parts (clearly a vagina) against the bars of her cell as one of the two people who escorted her there grumbles, "I told you she didn't have a dick."
Gaga wears sunglasses covered in lit cigarettes. She weaves Diet Coke cans in her hair. She wraps her body in crime scene tape. She dresses her skull with what appears to be parts of a blue telephone. It's attention grabbing and obnoxious, yet meticulous, visually interesting and, of course, memorable. Gaga doesn't settle for one unruly headdress or flashy top. She uses them all to her advantage. She's fun (cig glasses), sexual (whatever she wraps around her tiny body) and political (the dick gag). People tend to bring up Gaga and Madonna in the same breath. They should.
We finally get to see Beyonce the badass
Fortunately for us, "Telephone" isn't just Gaga. Its dark horse is a scene-stealing, reinvented Beyonce who kills it as Gaga's accomplice. She's feisty, dangerous and does weird shit like baby feed Gaga processed, over-packaged goods and tell her she's been "a very bad girl." At the diner, Beyonce laces Tyrese Gibson's drink with blue poison and, if given the choice, would prefer him to die a sudden death than merely cough a few times.
With all the shiny things to look at in "Telephone," you'd expect the music video's best moment to be an outfit, a line of dialogue or perhaps a subtle movement. This isn't the case. Instead, it's Beyonce bopping around in what appears to be a hotel room – as if she's a skipping DVD come to life. Brief movements – shaking her shoulders, holding a telephone at arm's length or screaming into the phone's receiver – are looped in a row as the soundtrack stutters her vocals. It's a basic edit that looks great juxtaposed with shots of Gaga and Beyonce dancing in outfits fashioned out of American flags. Go to minute mark 8:15 to see it.
Like Balloon Boy, you'll remember when, where and on what computer you watched the video
Without hesitation, I can tell you I watched the video on my friend's computer at about 2:30 in the morning after a night of light drinking, laughs and bluegrass music in my hometown. I was wearing blue jeans, a The National T-shirt, greenish H&M hoody and recently acquired Chucks sporting a funky design. After "Telephone," we streamed Gaga's "Bad Romance" and fooled around with the Internet's latest sensation, Chatroulette. I could tell you what I ate and drank, too, but the point has been made.
Of course, the obvious rebuttal is that "Telephone" premiered just a few days ago, and an average person could recall irrelevant details like the ones I just wrote out in the little time that has transpired between the watching of Gaga's "Telephone" and the writing of this column. But, if I may, I'd like to admit that my brain doesn't work that way. As I sit here, I'm struggling to remember what I had for breakfast. Excuse me while I gather my bearings... Ah yes, I skipped it altogether and shared a noontime burrito with friends at a café downtown. Estimated time of recall: Two minutes.
This oddly mirrors a few news stories that also unfolded in front of me on a computer. In 2009, there was Balloon Boy and the death of Michael Jackson, two breaking events whose extraneous details my brain has yet to expunge from memory. (Balloon Boy: Khakis, blue button down, those dress shoes with tassels that a friend jokes are the eighth wonder of the world, at work at a reality production company in Los Angeles. And MJ: Dark blue jeans, white semi see-through T, brown Chucks, at an internship I hated in Hollywood).
I don't do extra work to remember nonsensical details when big stuff happens; my brain does it on its own. For a music video to have the same effect on my brain as something like, say, the death of Michael Jackson, is significant.
Fans of the video – so, everyone? -- can expect at least one more video like "Telephone" as a "to be continued" tease tells us that Gaga, Beyonce and quite possibly the Pussy Wagon will be back another time. Who knew music videos could be this much fun?