Top Chef: All-Stars Recap
By David Mumpower
February 20, 2011
BoxOfficeProphets.com
2) Carla Hall – She wanted Pot Pie, she got Pot Pie, and she delivered a delicious, remarkably complex Pot Pie. Carla is in the zone right now.
3) Dale Talde – Even though he won the Quickfire Challenge last week, he has to be dropped a spot since he narrowly avoided elimination. Both of Dale’s mistakes in the most recent Elimination Challenges are understandable. He still needs to step up his game.
4) Antonia Lofaso – No longer held back by lousy teammates, Antonia is elevating her game at the perfect time. Luck of the draw gave her the worst dish last time, yet she delivered an upper echelon entrée, no small feat for a first time cow tongue-er.
5) Angelo Sosa – Continues to cook solid dishes that aren’t winning anything. In terms of overall performances this season, Angelo is now closer to the bottom than the top. That is a strange (but true) statement to make of someone who has finished in the top group in six out of nine Elimination Challenges.
6) Mike Isabella – Clearly one of the two worst remaining contestants, Mike has only finished in the top group in one out of nine Elimination Challenges. With only one Quickfire win to boot, he has been treading water almost the whole season.
7) Tiffany Derry – Tiffany had the most difficult challenge of any returning player save for maybe Stephen Asprinio. She had little time between the end of her season and the start of All Stars, and she spent much of this time getting married/enjoying the honeymoon phase. The fact that she has no wins to date is representative of this struggle. She has avoided elimination, however, which means that she is just as likely to win the All-Stars competition as anyone else.
Previously on Top Chef, Fabio was eliminated for failing to cook a cheeseburger. This marks the first and almost certainly only time in the history of the show that I can say that I could have made a better meal than one of the contestants. I’m still in a state of shock over this turn of events, as is the new best friend of Fabio, Richard Blais. He pointedly notes that if his Italian bromance partner had taken a few moments to ask Blais for advice, the owner of the wildly popular Flip Burger restaurant likely could have staved off his friend’s elimination. That didn’t happen, so we will be without this season’s Best Accent for the remaining episodes.
The only topic of conversation at the start of the episode is one we had chronicled at the start of All-Stars. Kim Hollis and I had stated then that we believed seasons four and six to be the best compilations of cooking talent in the history of the show. We had hoped that the best returning players from those two seasons, Richard and Jennifer Carroll, would duel from the start of the show right up until the climactic showdown in the finale. Jamie’s semi-injured finger robbed us of that eventuality and while Mike Isabella remains, there is simply no disputing the fact that the contestants from Top Chef season four have dominated this competition. Antonia, Dale and Richard all remain and you will note in the power rankings above that I consider all of three of them to be likely finalists, remembering that four players earn appearances at the start of the finale. This makes me wonder if the winner from that season, Stephanie Izard, could out-cook a Voltaggio brother.
With little other fanfare, we skip to the Quickfire Challenge, as Padma starts speaking in nursery school rhymes. As the players gaze at her in confusion, she reveals that this week’s judges are puppets. Muppets, to be exact. Elmo, Telly and the Cookie Monster appear from behind a table and immediately start cracking wise. To a player, the chefs act as if they have been handed a jar of rainbows and joy. The parents in particular, especially Antonia and Richard, are rapturous over being in the presences of these icons of children’s television. Richard goes so far as to say that to his daughter, Elmo might as well be Elvis.
What follows next is that the challenge is revealed. As you might imagine, the presence of the Cookie Monster means that the chefs will be making cookies. While this is bad news for Mike and Angelo, who haven’t made cookies for a period of time between 25 years and Never, everyone else is gleeful. This entire segment is magic. No words I could use to describe it would encapsulate its glory. The people who provide the voices of the three Muppets are on fire with their jokes and their innate sense of comic timing in this segment would match George Carlin at the height of his career. And I say that as a George Carlin fan. This is in my opinion the greatest moment in the history of Top Chef.
The interaction between the Muppets and the contestants as they prepare their cookies is hysterical. As Padma attempts to state the terms of the challenge, the Cookie Monster constantly repeats his favorite word in the lexicon, COOKIE! Of course, when Padma asks him to define the key ingredient of the challenge, he spaces on what that is. David Rudman, the man who provides the voice for the Cookie Monster, turns a relatively ordinary gag and makes it something spectacular. When Richard Blais breaks out the liquid nitrogen and temporarily vanishes in a cloud of smoke, Elmo yells, “Be careful, Richard!” I laughed at this until I was gasping for air. Yes, I realize I am gushing but it’s rare for me to mark out for a television program like I did during this segment. Padma and Angelo agree with me on the point, and it’s not like they’re known for their sense of humor.
There is a competition going on and I guess that merits a mention. Despite the fact that Mike has never “made a cookie from scratch in (his) life”, he doesn’t wind up on the bottom. Those slots are reserved for Angelo, whose dish goes very, very wrong, and Richard, whose dish is not a cookie. Richard indicates that he cannot even argue the point, because the Cookie Monster is the ultimate arbiter of accurate cookie definition. I’m honestly not sure Richard enjoyed his wedding day this much.
The top half of the draw is Antonia and Dale, but not Carla, the chef who makes cookies as part of her daily job. Antonia’s dish gets the less than ringing endorsement that Elmo thinks it looks like a cow chip. Like Richard, she laughs off this criticism, which makes me think that office politics could be handled so much better if warnings from bosses or Human Resources representatives were performed by puppets instead. I think a puppet could tell you to get Butt Plague and die and you would find it adorable. Since we know that Antonia’s food looks…less than appetizing, Dale is obviously the winner this week. This earns him $5,000 and his fifth overall win this season. Dale is the ruiner of worlds.
The Elimination Challenge this week brings with it a reward that makes $5,000 look like a drop in the bucket. The winner of this particular event earns $25,000, which is 25% of what overall winners have won in seasons past. Why is this challenge so lucrative? It’s one giant Target ad. I wish I were joking. This is as whore-ish as television gets. Those of you who read our Survivor recaps at BOP remember our outrage over Gulliver’s Travels, which was a “reward” for the winners of a certain challenge. What Top Chef does with Target is sluttier than anything any Kardashian sister has ever done.
After having their knives taken away (you heard me), Contestants are given three hours in a Target store wherein they must accumulate anything needed to serve a dish to the judges as well as 100 Target employees. All of this takes place during hours in which Target is closed, meaning the actual dish will be served around 4 AM. Before we get to that point, however, chefs have to acquire pots, pans, plates, utensils, grills, napkins, cutlery, portable ovens et al. They have the run of an entire Target, but they also have the frustration of starting from scratch in a massive store they’ve never frequented previously.
Some of them handle this better than others. After his recent Quickfire victory, Dale has placed the nightmare of the previous two Elimination Challenges behind him. He has a game plan before he enters the store and he executes brilliantly, easily beating all of the other chefs in the race to start cooking. Along the way, he picks up some irons, like for ironing clothes. A pressed shirt is not your highest priority right now, dude.
Richard and Antonia are not far behind Dale; their focus is on attaining each and every item that anything has ever been cooked in. Mike and Angelo form an alliance as the odd couple reveal they have become friends in recent days. They assist one another in accumulating cooking ingredients then cook side by side. Tiffany focuses on what is important in life, acquiring a hat along the way. I love her for this. There should be some sort of extra prize thrown in for Top Chef who accessorizes the best each week. Hmm, maybe I’ve been watching too much Bravo TV.
Unlike the rest of her competitors, Carla is in the weeds. I mean she is in the weeds to an epic degree. Confused by the instructions given, she believes that the presentation of her table is a key component of her dining preparations. This causes her to waste almost a full hour more than anybody else; in fact, she doesn’t acquire several of her ingredients until past the hour mark of a three hour cooking challenge. Carla is in trouble.
Making matters worse is the fact that Carla is cooking a soup dish - just like almost everybody else. Four out of the seven remaining contestants select to create some form of soup, an odd quirk that surprises the judges. Several of the participants note that soup requires a lot of time to create a flavor profile, meaning that the less time a person has for their soup to develop a delicious taste. So, Carla is making the same dish as everyone else while having the disadvantage of much less time to build the flavor. At this point, Carla needs a miracle to survive the evening.
The special guest judge this week is Kim and my beloved cooking show host, Ming Tsai (way to shake off that Next Iron Chef misstep, Ming!) as well as Thomas O’ Brien, a Target home designer. I am convinced that his presence there is simply to remind viewers that Target sells home furnishings, so I hate his ass face for disrupting Carla’s mean preparations. The blatant shill may have eliminated one of this season’s most deserving players. It’s nothing personal, Thomas. Whore less, Bravo TV.
The first dish of the evening is the most accomplished in terms of technical skill. Richard is the only chef to prepare a pair of true entrees, porker tenderloin and braised pork ribs. Anthony Bourdain and Richard agree that the dish isn’t pretty, but it does taste quite good. This is not a challenge where aesthetics matter, so he’s probably going to wind up on the top half of the contestants tonight.
The dazzling revelation of this particular competition is Dale’s dish. Remember those irons I mentioned before? He had a purpose in mind for them, something that is mad scientist-ish. Remembering his days as a broke college student, Dale has decided to make grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. I am already won over by this, because this was my favorite comfort dish growing up, the one my father would make for me when he was home from work. Dale boosts the creativity by using the iron to toast the bread, giving it a great crunch. All of the players were told to use anything in the store to cook their dishes. Dale has taken that premise to its logical extreme. As Ming Tsai notes, Dale must be trying to become an “iron chef”. Ming must not be over that Food Network reality show loss yet.
Carla’s soup is not an absolute train wreck, just nothing noteworthy. Everyone comments on how slight the dish, noting the absence of a protein as its undoing. She would have happily added one if she’d had the time, I’m sure. At least she isn’t scolded by Padma, though. Mike describes his spicy coconut soup as featuring fresh coconuts. Padma queries how he found fresh coconuts (way to point out the limited fruit stocks of Target!) and when he says he didn’t, she says the ingredients are therefore not fresh. What I have learned from this is that Target sucks.
Antonia always delivers a daring dish as she correctly deduces that a breakfast-ish meal would be just as good a choice as late night stoner food. Her parmesan eggs put a song in Bourdain’s heart. Tiffany is less fortunate as her “jambalaya” dish suffers the same fate as Richard Blais’ cookie. It is not a jambalaya in the estimation of the judges, which makes her dish a failure. Tom describes it “okay”, meaning that it probably won’t be enough to get her sent home. Angelo is less fortunate. His baked potato soup is salty to a point of fault. The judges universally dislike it, which may be the salvation Carla needs.
There are no surprises with the top group this week. Dale, Richard and Antonia are invited back to Judges Table for a victory lap. Of course, just being in the top three isn’t good enough with $25,000 on the line. All of these folks want to win. $5,000 Quickfires are weekend in Vegas money; $25,000 is not...unless you have a serious gambling problem. That’s down payment on a home money. So, the mood is not quite as loose as usual. Maybe if they’d had the Muppets instead of Ming Tsai. In the end, Dale’s daring wins him the day, meaning that he earns another $25,000 in this episode. In 24 hours, Dale has won a grand total of $30,000. In terms of single day income, this places him in the financial stratosphere of drug dealers, celebrities, and star athletes. That’s an $11 million annual salary if he makes that much every day. We marveled over Tiffany Derry’s wins in Season 7 that paid for her wedding. Dale has matched all of those in a single day. Amazing.
The bottom trio is comprised of Carla, Tiffany and Angelo. Switch out Carla for Mike Isabella, something that wasn’t far away from happening, and this would line up with my power rankings prior to the episode. So, this feels like a microcosm of the players to date save for Carla, whose elimination would be the most disastrous result on the show since Jen Carroll’s demise. Fortunately, that probably won’t happen. Tiffany and Angelo’s behavior clearly identifies them as the likely victims. Tiffany breaks down in tears and is certain this is her time to go home. She basically delivers a farewell speech. Angelo offers a respectable defense that his palate may have been exhausted after a brutal workload that day.
Padma announces the dreaded word, however, when she describes Angelo’s dish as inedible. Nobody ever survives that, and a very humble Angelo is eliminated from the competition. To his credit, he handles this news with grace and aplomb, exemplifying how much he’s grown as a person over the course of the two competitions. By the end of his run this year, he had made friends and found a comfort level on the show that served him well. He even out-cooked Tiffany overall, a reversal from season seven, but she lives on to cook another day in the competition while he is packing his knives.