Make an Argument
By Eric Hughes
March 10, 2011
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Will it suck? Maybe. Yet Kevin Williamson back in bed with Wes Craven excites me. As does the cast, which mixes together franchise regulars like Neve Campbell and David Arquette with a pretty sample of young Hollywood (Emma Roberts, Hayden Panettiere and Alison Brie).
According to a Box Office Mojo column, 2011 will have the most sequels released in one year… ever. Everything from part twos (Cars 2, Sherlock Holmes 2) to threequels (Paranormal Activity 3, Transformers: Dark of the Moon) to fourth movies (Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides) to, yes, fifths (Final Destination 5, Fast Five) are slated for release. And nearly all of ‘em are excessive.
Scream 4, though, intrigues me. Perhaps it’s the timing of the thing: It picks up a generation later, a device that could work for a franchise that operates on a meta level. Perhaps I really liked Scream, and want to know whether Wes and his men still got it. Perhaps I just wanna make Harvey Weinstein 10 bucks richer.
Whatever the case, Scream 4 got me thinking: A left for dead franchise gets resurrected next month. What other sequels - however undeveloped, or not being developed at all - would I not mind seeing?
Jurassic Park IV
Anybody not between the ages of 23 and, say, 26 will really have no idea why Jurassic Park IV would be a sequel I’d want to see. That’s because they weren’t only a handful of years old (I was six) when the original was released, and have no idea - regrettably - how scary those animatronic dinosaurs seemed at the time. Watch Jurassic Park now and the drama is lost. The dinosaurs look about as credible as MTV programming.
I, on the other hand, saw Jurassic Park when I was a tike and remember being unable to sleep for weeks. And I’m not exaggerating here. I could not creep down into the basement without my sister or friend in tow. A Dilophosaurus or two surely would have attacked me otherwise.
Well. The Lost World: Jurassic Park was about as exhilarating as the Matrix sequels, and Jurassic Park III may have been worse - more “unnecessary” than part two, but at least it didn’t have a T. Rex roaming around San Diego and no one noticing.
Not that the first Jurassic Park is some divine gift to man or anything - I mean, it’s Jurassic Park - but a forth film would give the franchise an opportunity to right a lot of wrongs. Like, making its dinos way more authentic.
Office Space 2
I’m all for leaving most everything well enough alone. That’s one reason why Make an Argument this week is so exciting to write. I usually hate sequels - the idea of them, mostly, and when they fail (which is always) - because odds are the second (or third) part will rehash what was done the first time ‘round (Final Destination 2 [or 3… or 4]) or usurp the integrity of the franchise with one bad egg (Batman & Robin).
Whereas horror movies like Final Destination and comic book icons like Batman are meant to spawn sequels, flicks like Office Space should be done after 90 minutes of runtime. Same goes for School of Rock, which thankfully did not move forward with that ridonk road trippin’ sequel that I don’t think could have been anything but grade A hot mess.
And yet, the more I kick it around, the more I think Mike Judge could do Office Space well with a sequel. The comedy is as dry as can be, and the thought of what in the hang Milton would be up to now is amazing impetus for contemplation.
Before Moonlight
Before Sunrise and Before Sunset pretty much run the gamut on possible titles for movie three. I mean, if we’re not before the sunrise and we’re not before the sunset… then, where are we? (Just had a Charlie Pace moment). Perhaps Before Moonlight - I’ll call it - can’t be made simply because proper titling couldn’t be appropriated.
Anyway, not that I expect tears, but if you watch parts one and two and don’t get emotionally invested in Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy’s friendly romance, then your adoptive parents probably forgot to let you know that you’re a robot. As far as I’m concerned, the franchise can do no wrong. I wonder what has happened to Jesse and Celine.
Father of the Bride: Part Three
Father of the Bride - the Steve Martin one - is one of those movies from my youth that I feel compelled to watch whenever it’s rerunning on TBS. I could be sitting in a room with a young child whose about to speak his first coherent, non-mumbly jumbly sentence, and when he goes to form those exciting new syllables - and Father of the Bride happens to flash across my eyes - I will selfishly silence Bobby so that nothing happening on the TV is lost on me. I totally dig Father of the Bride.
Two was a disappointment, to the point where I can’t carry a decent conversation with a person who defends it. Martin Short’s character - though hilarious in part one - is ridiculously exploited in the second, the comedy is super forced and, yeah, it’s just not so sweet. It doesn’t, shall we say, get the silence Bobby treatment.
Imagine it, though. A pair of babies were birthed at the end of two. It’s been, at the time I’m writing this, 16 years since then. I’d love to watch Daddy Banks go through the motions of a wedding - perhaps a double wedding? - another time.