Movie Vs. Movie: Green Lantern Vs. Green Hornet
By Tom Houseman
June 23, 2011
BoxOfficeProphets.com
It's not easy being green, especially when you're trying to save the world. And yet somehow, two chromatically-themed superheros hit the silver screen this year, kicking ass, taking names, and painting the town, well... green. But these two crimefighting bro's have a lot more in common than their desire to defeat evil and their affinity for a specific hue. Despite how drastically different these two movies are in scope, style, tone and budget, Britt Reid and Hal Jordan are like peas in a pod... Cause they're both green... get it?
The movies in question are this spring's The Green Hornet, which could be retitled “I Have Daddy Issues,” and this summer's The Green Lantern, which could be retitled “Everyone Has Daddy Issues.” The first is a quirky buddy comedy with splashes of Batman thrown in for good measure, starring slimmed-down frat pack star Seth Rogen and directed by longtime Charlie Kaufman collaborator and general weirdo Michel Gondry. The second is a special effects extravaganza summer blockbuster starring “hey, isn't he already in a superhero movie” Ryan Reynolds. Although they sound very different, they have a lot in common, mostly because they're both pretty terrible. But which is more terrible? Let's break them down, step by step, to find out:
Origin
Hornet is based on a 1930s radio series that was created as a modern take on The Lone Ranger. Britt Reid is a newspaperman who fights crime at night with the help of his assistant/sidekick Kato. His hook is that he embraces the role of an outlaw as a way of getting actual criminals to trust him. Then, when their defenses are down, he strikes them like some sort of... unusually colored stinging creature, or something.
Hal Jordan is technically the second Green Lantern, as the comic book series was rebooted in the 1960s. Jordan is a test pilot who was selected to replace the last Green Lantern for the section of the universe that includes Earth. Chosen because of his fearlessness (and abs that you just want to lick chocolate off of), Jordan is made a member of the Green Lantern corps, and given a magic ring that corporealizes anything he wills into being. It's a pretty bitchin' super power, even if the ring needs to be charged more often than an iPhone.
Both heroes have a lot of history on their side, but I do love me some radio serial dramas, so I have to give the point here to Hornet.
Hero
In Hornet, Britt Reid is the son of a successful newspaper publisher, and he decides to live off his father's wealth, constantly partying and womanizing. So basically, he's Arthur Bach, but without any of the charm. In fact, Reid may be one of the most obnoxious characters ever, and is certainly the most useless superhero. He isn't strong, fast, or smart, just rich and selfish; it's like they left out all of the good parts of Batman and kept the annoying parts. Reid runs around like a moron while Kato does all the fighting, and then he steps in to take the credit. This of course gives Seth Rogen an excuse to give in to his most irritating impulses. I have always felt that Rogen works better in supporting roles, and here he proves that he does not deserve to be the focus of an entire film.
Hal Jordan is the son of a test pilot who died in an explosion, and he has decided to use this as an excuse to avoid all responsibility in life, just flying planes and scoring with chicks. So basically, he's Tony Stark but without the complexity. When he becomes the Green Lantern, he comes up with some really creative uses for it (a car on a racetrack that controls a careening helicopter) and some less creative ones (a machine gun). But mostly he just relies on the power of Ryan Reynolds' boyish charm and manly abs. I've loved Ryan Reynolds since “Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place,” and he was the only reason I wanted to see this movie until I found out that Peter Sarsgaard was in it.
Even if magic machine guns aren't the cleverest methods to fight evil, at least Hal is the one fighting evil, not just cracking jokes and making me want to punch him in the face. Also, having super powers is one of the qualities I tend to like in a superhero, what with the “that's what makes them super” and all. Lantern takes this point easily.
Villain
Who better to get as your villain than Christoph Waltz, a man who, despite having a first name that's clearly missing two letters, created one of the most iconic villains of all time as Hans Landa in Inglourious Basterds? In Hornet he plays a less interesting version of that character, a calm, collected drug runner with a crazy streak that you definitely don't ever want to be there to see. Of course, a less interesting Hans Landa is still way cooler than most bad guys.
As with most superhero movies, the villain in Lantern is by far the most interesting character, and not just because they got love of my life Peter Sarsgaard to play him (I love whoever made that casting decision). Hector Hammond is a college science professor who has never lived up to his father's expectations, because seriously, everyone in this movie has daddy issues. When examining the remains of an alien he gets bitten by the fear monster (I'm not joking) which turns him into a combination of Professor X and The Elephant Man, but with serious anger issues. He's a badass, is what I'm saying.
I can't believe Christoph Waltz is losing this point, but he really can't compete with Peter Sarsgaard. Plus, as I've already established, I'm predisposed to award points to supervillains with actual super powers. Point to Lantern.
Love Interest
Lenore Case plays the part of Britt Reid's love interest, and Cameron Diaz plays the part of Lenore Case. Is that meta? I think it is (No, it's really not. -EdAlfred
In the history of Alfreds, there may be only one Alfred who is more badass than the actual Alfred, and that's Kato. The modern Tonto, Kato is a weapons expert and mechanic extraordinaire who can also fight like a mofo and make great cappuccinos. Being that amazing might come off as annoying, but Kato is so chill and unassuming about it that it just makes him seem even more awesome. The only drawback to him being so great is that I couldn't figure out why he was the sidekick and not the hero. Seriously, Britt Reid is such a waste of space that all he did was get in Kato's way. Jay Chou doesn't have much acting experience, but some of his facial expressions were hilarious. The dude has some comedic chops.
There isn't really an Alfred in Lantern, just a friend who's apparently an eskimo (so says Wikipedia) and Sinestro, the head of the Green Lantern Corps who tries to train Hal. Sinestro is a jerk, partially because Hal is replacing his mentor (even aliens have daddy issues!), and also with a name like Sinestro, how do you not expect him to become evil eventually? There's also a couple of other weird aliens (perhaps a redundant phrase) voiced by Geoffrey Rush and Michael Clarke Duncan, who help train Hal, but they're just there to... um, gimme a minute. I'll figure it out.
“Yo, Sinestro, Ima let you finish, but Kato is one of the best Alfred's of all time! All time!” Hornet dominates this round.
Plot
Let's drop the side-by-side and just straight up compare these two. First of all, nobody wants to see these movies for their plot, so this will be quick. Both of them are the first movies about their respective heroes, and therefore waste a lot of time on boring origin stories. Also, they're packed to the gills with exposition. Plus, both movies are monumentally stupid. Here's the difference though: Lantern is mindlessly stupid. If you don't think about how absurd what you're watching is, you can kind of forget about the story and enjoy the movie. Hornet, meanwhile, smacks you in the face with its stupidity. Mostly this is the fault of monumentally obnoxious and useless Britt Reid, but there are a lot of other reasons. Let's give Lantern the point and move on to what matters.
ACTION/SPECIAL EFFECTS
Hornet is filled with Michel Gondry's trademark CGI-less cool effects, and the action scenes are pretty fun to watch, especially because, and I can't stress this enough, I love Kato. The one weird thing is that when Kato fights, we see any potential threat or weapon glowing red, and then watch Kato beat the crap out of it. This gives the sense of being in a videogame, and leads me to believe that Kato is secretly a robot. I don't know if it's a stereotype that all Asian people are secretly robots, but if so I am extremely offended. Either way, I would expect more from someone as brilliant as Gondry when he has $120 million to play with.
Lantern, on the other hand, makes the most of its $200 million budget. Giant planets, huge alien monsters, and a CGI costume that effectively shows off Reynolds's abs. Every action scene, from the ones where Sinestro and Co. are training Hal to the showdown between Hal and Hector, are a blast to watch, especially the latter because, and I seriously cannot stress this enough, I LOVE PETER SARSGAARD.
As stupid as both movies are, at least Lantern has the crazy cool special effects to help you ignore that. Lantern snags the final point.
So out of a total of seven points, Lantern gets four and Hornet gets three. However, this does not accurately represent just how much more enjoyable of a film Lantern is than Hornet. Lantern is bad, yes, but as Hollywood Blockbusters go, it's pretty darn entertaining. I fell asleep watching Hornet... twice. I have no idea if Britt Reid defeated the bad guy and got the girl, and I really don't care. Actually, that's not true; I hope he didn't. I hope he died and Kato became the star of the movie. But I don't care enough to find out.
Conclusion Number One: “This Weekend Watch This” is my favorite BOP column.
Conclusion Number Two: On paper, and in every other way, Lantern is the “green” superhero movie to watch.
Conclusion Number Three: Three is the number of times I mention Ryan Reynolds's abs in this article. In general, this article makes me sound super gay.
Conclusion Number Four: Kanye West jokes never get old!
Conclusion Number Five: I never found a good place to slip a “green with envy” joke in there, and I'm disappointed by that. That being said, this is only my second entry in this column, so you could blame it on my inexperience. After all, I'm still pretty... green.