TiVoPlex
TiVoPlex
By John Seal
November 12, 2012
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Tuesday 11/13/12
1:40 AM Encore Dramatic Stories
The Class (2008 FRA): First the good news: Encore has finally ditched that horrible dubbed print of The Class they’d insisted on airing over the last few years. Now the not so good: this is still a pan-and-scan print, reducing the film to a highly constricted, overcrowded box. Of course, The Class is a story about the inhabitants of a highly constricted, overcrowded box - otherwise known as a secondary school classroom - so perhaps it’s appropriate that its original 2.35:1 aspect ratio has been reduced to a square. Regardless, the film is a first-rate ensemble piece about a young teacher (François Bégaudeau) trying to tame a room full of uncooperative teenage miscreants. It’s basically To Sir with Love with baguettes, brie, and ennui. Okay, slight exaggeration - The Class is definitely miles more realistic than To Sir with Love - but you get the idea.
8:35 AM HBO Signature
La Hija Natural (2011 DOM-PUR): A Dominican Republic/Commonwealth of Puerto Rico co-production, La Hija Natural (Love Child) tells the story of Maria (Julietta Rodriguez), a young woman who, after the death of her mother, goes in search of the father who abandoned her at an early age. She finds him (Victor Checo) living on a spooky old banana plantation, but - despite her willingness to assist him in his struggles with a troublesome neighbor (Dionos Rufino) - he’s not happy to see her. Written and directed by Leticia Tonos, La Hija Natural relies on strong performances from Rodriguez and Checo to carry its slight story, and features attractive cinematography courtesy DoP Sonnel Velasquez.
Wednesday 11/14/12
10:45 AM Showtime Extreme
Steel Dawn (1987 USA): Patrick Swayze headlines this "bleak future" cheesefest as Nomad, a hunky hero who stumbles across a farm one day and gets hired by single mom Kasha (Lisa "Mrs. Swayze" Niemi) to keep things shipshape. Unfortunately, her property is deeply attractive to villainous Damnil (Anthony Zerbe), who wants her water supply for himself and will stop at nothing to get it. He hasn’t, however, counted on Nomad, who is (to paraphrase the film’s tagline) about to carve the future (and Damnil’s minions) with his sword. Yes, it’s a post-apocalyptic Shane with big hair and shoulder pads. Steel Dawn is utterly awful, but Swayze fans won’t care, and for the rest of us there’s Brion James and Arnold Vosloo. And cheese...lots and lots of cheese. Velveeta, to be precise.
Thursday 11/15/12
2:05 AM HBO Signature
Mi Ultimo Round(2011 CHI-ARG): I haven’t seen this film yet, but you know I can’t resist any of HBO Signature’s Spanish-language offerings. Mi Ultimo Round involves a gay boxer who falls in love and decides to hang up his gloves, and won the Best Feature award at this year’s International Queer Film Festival, which (believe it or not) was held in Mumbai, India.
7:00 PM Sundance
Angel Heart (1987 USA): Robert De Niro is devilish as all get out in this entertaining if somewhat pretentious Alan Parker-helmed thriller. De Niro plays Louis Cyphre (sneaky anagram alert!), a Harlem-based mystic who hires private dick Harry Angel (Mickey Rourke) to track down a missing person in the bayous of Louisiana. Despite being paid a paltry $5,000, Angel takes the job, but soon finds himself tripping over dead bodies during the course of the search. This is the film that got director Parker into considerable trouble with the MPAA, which didn’t take kindly to a scene in which Rourke and love interest Lisa Bonet are drizzled with blood whilst knocking boots. Look for blues musician Brownie McGhee in a memorable supporting role.
9:00 PM Turner Classic Movies
The Admirable Crichton (1957 GB): Kenneth More headlines as the title character in this droll, class-conscious British comedy from director Lewis Gilbert. Set during the Edwardian era, the film examines the relationship between butler Crichton and employer Lord Loam (snobby Cecil Parker) after he and the Loam family are left shipwrecked on a South Seas island. The only one capable of accomplishing anything, Crichton soon gains the upper hand, reversing the master/servant relationship in his favor – at least, until romance enters the picture in the form of Lord Loam’s attractive daughter Tweeny (Diane Cilento). Based on a play by Peter Pan man J.M. Barrie, this delightful film features plenty of familiar faces, including Martita Hunt, John Le Mesurier, Eddie Byrne, Miles Malleson, and Sally Ann Howes.
Friday 11/16/12
11:00 PM Turner Classic Movies
The Manitou (1978 USA): This hilariously awful horror flick stars Tony Curtis, of all people, as Harry Erskine, a psychic huckster whose ladylove Karen (Susan Strasberg) reports to the hospital one day with a disturbing growth on her back. No doubt suspecting boils, a nasty insect bite, an inflamed hair follicle, or a good old fashioned Biblical curse, Karen is shocked to learn that she's actually carrying a fetus on her spine - and kindly old Doc Snow (Burgess Meredith) breaks the news that it's no ordinary little bundle of joy. No, it's actually the angry reincarnated spirit of a 400-year-old Native American out for heap big revenge against those who have trespassed against it! So much for the pitter-patter of little feet. An astonishing example of psychotronic film helmed by genre master William Girdler (Three On A Meathook, Asylum of Satan), The Manitou is essential viewing for all fans of truly bad cinema.
Saturday 11/17/12
1:00 AM Fox Movie Channel
That Thing You Do! (USA): This tribute to the garage bands of the 1960s is close to the top of my guilty pleasures list, so I'm sheepishly happy to report its return to television - in wide screen, no less - this early morning. This project was close to the heart of my Oaktown homie Tom Hanks, who wrote, directed and - in a partially successful effort to give his film some box office "oomph" - appears as the manager of The Wonders, a fictional rock band from a small Pennsylvania town. The story is the typical rags-to-riches and back again narrative, this time dressed up with moptops and winklepickers, as our lads defy the odds and end up appearing on national television before it all falls apart. Completely unoriginal, completely predictable, and completely delightful, That Thing You Do! also features a toe-tapping theme tune from Fountains of Wayne bass player Adam Schlesinger.
4:30 AM Turner Classic Movies
Sherlock Holmes’ Fatal Hour (1931 GB): This rare British Holmes’ flick last appeared on TCM during their 2009 "Holmes For Christmas" celebration. If you’re a fan of the great detective, you’ll want to check it out, but be warned: this is no Basil Rathbone/Nigel Bruce funfest. Instead, we get Arthur Wontner as Holmes and Ian Fleming as Doctor Watson (and no, it’s not THAT Ian Fleming), here butting heads with Moriarty (Norman McKinnell) after the mysterious death of a card sharp (Leslie Perrins). Reflecting its early ‘30s origins, Sherlock Holmes’ Fatal Hour is pretty creaky stuff but should still appeal to the deerstalker and cape crowd.
Sunday 11/18/12
2:15 PM HBO
Crossfire Hurricane (2012 USA): I’m a Beatles man - always was, always will be. In high school we had endless debates about the relative merits of the Beatles and the Stones, and I defended the Fabs at every available opportunity. However, it must be admitted that the Brian Jones-era Stones are not entirely without value, and that’s where Crossfire Hurricane comes in. A rockumentary about the band’s early years (well, if you consider the years through 1977 early), the film provides a generous helping of rare archival footage from the Stones’ salad days as well as the usual present day interviews. It’s not exactly Anthology, mind you - The Beatles also have a better documentary than the Stones - but it’s pretty darn good nonetheless, especially if you consider the post-Some Girls years of minimal interest. Also airs at 5:15 PM and throughout the month.
9:15 PM Sundance
The Dancer Upstairs (2002 USA-ESP): One of only two films directed by actor John Malkovich, The Dancer Upstairs stars Javier Bardem as Agustin Rejas, an Ecuadoran police officer tasked with tracking down a revolutionary leader/terrorist named Ezequiel. Ezequiel is a bit of a Keyser Soze sort, his trademark being the ever popular dead dog left in the middle of the street as a totem of his power. Though not yet winning the war, he’s certainly winning some battles, and it’s up to Agustin to put a stop to the mayhem - at least until the army exacerbates the problem by getting involved. Part police procedural, part thriller, The Dancer Upstairs is worth a look, despite being shot entirely in English.
Monday11/19/12
1:45 AM Showtime Extreme
Man on the Train (2011 USA): An English-language remake of Patrice Leconte’s first-rate 2002 crime drama, this Man on the Train is inferior in every way to the original but remains of some interest thanks to the presence of Donald Sutherland and U2 rocker Larry Mullen, Jr. atop the cast list. Mullen is surprisingly good, but it’s Sutherland who deserves the most praise, and it’s great to see him get such a meaty role in his mid-70s.
3:15 AM Turner Classic Movies
Gang Busters (1955 USA): Here’s a genuine oddity: a feature length cops and robbers movie cobbled together from three episodes of a long forgotten television series. I’ve never seen the movie or the show, so can’t comment on the quality, but when the biggest name in the cast is Myron Healey (The Unearthly, Ma Barker’s Killer Brood) you know you’re in for something special. Or, if not special, something made on an extremely low budget.