TiVoPlex
By John Seal
May 20, 2013
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Tuesday 5/21/13
12:30 AM Turner Classic Movies
Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine (1965 USA): I’d love to know how Berry Gordy got talked into letting The Supremes record the theme song for this AIP feature. A jaunty highlight of Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine - one of the campiest features the youth-oriented studio ever produced - The Bikini Machine (for that is the title of the song) remained unavailable to music lovers until it finally earned an official release on a Motown boxed set in 2000. As for the film, things don’t get much campier than Vincent Price’s portrayal of the title character, a fey mad scientist who’s built an army of scantily clad nubiles (and boy are they built! Yuck yuck!) with which he plans to drain the bank accounts of the world’s richest men. A parody of sorts of Goldfinger (and surely an influence upon the Austin Powers series), Dr. Goldfoot is the most ridiculous (and hence most enjoyable) of AIP’s beach-themed features, and yes, I’m taking The Ghost In the Invisible Bikini into consideration. Airing this morning in widescreen, it’s followed at 2:00 AM by 1966’s Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs, a sequel shot in Italy by gothic horror maestro Mario Bava and starring Price, Fabian, and the beloved comedy team Franco and Ciccio.
Wednesday 5/22/13
12:40 AM HBO Signature
El Ultimo Elvis (2012 ARG): I have my doubts that this will truly be the last Elvis, but I guess you can call your movie whatever you want. This Argentinian drama stars real life Elvis impersonator John McInerny as Carlos Gutierrez, a factory hand who not only imitates The King...he really believes he is The King. Like most Elvis clones, this one has been grown from the DNA of Fat Elvis, and though McInerny otherwise bears little physical resemblance to his idol, he sure sings like him. As for the story, it’s surprisingly moving, with Carlos/Elvis sent into a tailspin after an accident leaves estranged wife Priscilla (Griselda Siciliani) in hospital and daughter Lisa Marie (Margarita Lopez) in need of parental care. Can Carlos/Elvis take time out from his next tour and Take Care of Business on the home front? Though it sounds like a goofy comedy on par with Elvis Meets Nixon or Bubba-Ho-Tep, The Last Elvis is actually a serious look at a working man’s mid-life crisis. Unless you’ve got a Wooden Heart, check this one out. Thank you very much.
9:20 AM Encore Action
The Fight Before Christmas (1994 ITA-GER-USA): This desperately bad title conceals a film all fans of Eurocult cinema or spaghetti westerns will be interested in seeing: a (relatively recent) Terence Hill-Bud Spencer feature! Terence and Bud (known to friends and family as Mario Girotti and Carlo Pedersoli) have appeared together in almost two dozen features since first teaming up in 1959. Most of their films have been westerns, including this one, which stars our heroes as estranged, quarrelsome brothers reunited by their mother during one Old West Yuletide season. Naturally, beans are involved. A tribute of sorts to the wildly popular Trinity films the team made in the 1970s, The Fight Before Christmas (also released as Troublemakers) will warm the hearts of Terence and Bud fans, but will probably leave others totally befuddled.
4:30 PM Starz
Searching For Sugar Man (2011 USA): Did this really deserve to win the Best Feature Length Documentary Oscar at this year’s Academy Awards? Absolutely not – the prize should have gone to 5 Broken Cameras - but that doesn’t mean Searching For Sugar Man isn’t well worth seeing. A huge arthouse hit, the film examines the career of mysterious Michigan muso Sixto Rodriguez, who released a couple of albums in the early ‘70s that sank without trace in the US but became huge hits in Australia and South Africa. Unaware of his overseas success (no internet in those days!), Rodriguez spent the next several decades doing construction work, but his recent rediscovery has relaunched his career. It’s a wonderful, heartwarming story – which explains the Oscar win – and to top it all off Rodriguez’s music is absolutely brilliant, seamlessly blending elements of classic ‘60s pop, blues, jazz, and folk. Now 70, Rodriguez has been touring again and sounds as good as ever. If you’re unable to catch him in concert, though, don’t miss this film, which also airs at 7:30 PM.
7:30 PM Turner Classic Movies
The Outfit (1974 USA): Robert Duvall stars as a small-time criminal out for revenge in this excellent crime drama based on a novel by Donald Westlake. Duvall is Macklin, a newly released ex-con aiming to avenge his brother’s death at the hands of the mob. Aided by compatriots Cody (Joe Don Baker) and Bett (Karen Black), Macklin takes the battle directly to mob boss Mailer (Robert Ryan), who, naturally, is none too pleased by the attention. Co-starring Timothy Carey, Elisha Cook Jr., Richard Jaeckel, and Marie Windsor, this is, purely and simply, a really good gangster flick. Sadly, it’s not airing in its original aspect ratio tonight, but still looks fine in pan and scan.
Thursday 5/23/13
7:15 AM Turner Classic Movies
The Voice of the City (1929 USA): Here’s one of those frustrating early talkies blending marvelous (and all too brief) silent footage with static (and hard to listen to) recorded footage. Robert Ames headlines as Bobby, an innocent man framed for murder and sentenced to a long prison stretch. He escapes with an assist from fellow inmate Johnny (Clark Marshall), but his breakout draws the attention of Wilkes (John Miljan), the baddie responsible for sending Bobby up the river in the first place. Will the intercession of detective Biff (director Willard Mack) provide Bobby closure – or will Wilkes get to him first? If you can put up with its many technical flaws, The Voice of the City is reasonably engaging and Miljan is, as always, very good.
5:00 PM Encore
Easy Come, Easy Go (1967 USA): Last week we had Paradise, Hawaiian Style - this week we get one of the other ‘missing in action on TCM’ Elvis flicks. Easy Come, Easy Go isn’t much better than PDH, and features The (real) King as Ted Jackson, a Navy skindiver searching for girls and buried treasure off the California coast. That’s all you need to know – otherwise, it’s the usual shenanigans. Oh, and if you thought last week’s Queenie Wahini’s Papaya was bad, prepare yourself for this week’s Yoga Is As Yoga Does - in the pantheon of Elvis movie songs, this may be the very worst of a bad lot. Also airs at 8:00 PM.
Friday 5/24/13
2:05 AM HBO
Gray Lady Down (1978 USA): Charlton Heston plays Paul Blanchard, the he-man captain of a US Navy submarine stranded on the lip of an underwater trench in the Atlantic Ocean, in this testosterone drenched adventure tale from director David Greene. To make matters worse, Blanchard’s life, and the lives of his crew, rest in the hands of coke-sniffing Stacy Keach, who's been assigned to rescue the sub before it implodes, tips over the edge, or runs out of oxygen. Can Keach get the job done — or will rescue arrive in the shape of David Carradine and Ned Beatty, whose experimental mini-sub Snark seems well suited for the task? A box office dud, Gray Lady Down will appeal to fans of Heston, whose career was still at its peak in 1978, and admirers of manly nautical hardware. Also airs at 5:05 AM.
9:00 AM Turner Classic Movies
Esther Waters (1948 GB): Dirk Bogarde stars as a wicked Victorian servant in this long forgotten British bodice-ripper. Dirk plays William Latch, a footman who ‘ruins the reputation’ of inexperienced and innocent maid Esther (Kathleen Ryan) in the 1870s. After years spent in a Lambeth workhouse, our soiled heroine runs into William again, now no longer a servant but a smartly dressed bookie looking to make amends for his previous sins by making an honest woman of her. The film is too long and its story paper-thin, but is worth a look for Bogarde’s performance (this was his first leading role) and a typically solid British supporting cast, including Cyril Cusack and Fay Compton.
Saturday 5/25/13
6:00 PM The Movie Channel
Phantoms (1998): Here’s an odd one: a Dean Koontz sci-fi adaptation headlined by Peter O’Toole! O’Toole plays Doctor Timothy Flyte, a former academic now earning a living editing a tabloid newspaper. Flyte’s expertise in the history of epidemics is required when the entire population of a small Colorado town suddenly disappears, but he butts heads with local sheriff Bryce Hammond (Ben Affleck, in one of his patented dreadful performances) before revealing the truth about the dreaded Ancient Enemy responsible for the catastrophe. This is a bad film, but O’Toole does his best, as do Rose McGowan and Liev Schreiber in supporting roles. Also airs at 9:00 PM.
Sunday 5/26/13
3:30 PM Showtime 2
Last Days Here (2011 USA): There’s nothing quite so entertaining as a heavy metal rockumentary: be it Some Kind of Monster, Anvil, or This Is Spinal Tap, they’re always entertaining and engaging. Such is also the case with Last Days Here, which focuses on Bobby Liebling, lead singer of third-rate Virginia metal band Pentagram, who’ve been treading the boards since 1971. Liebling has been living hard and fast for decades, and the film follows his adventures across the years as he ingests vast quantities of illegal substances while the band cycle through several dozen band members. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you’ll definitely bang your head.