2014 Calvin Awards: Best Character
By David Mumpower
February 11, 2014
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Alien from Spring Breakers is our staff’s selection as Best Character of the year. As portrayed by James Franco, Alien is a materialistic drug dealer with a preternatural obsession with the concept of Spring Break. To wit, Alien goes to jail and bails a series of complete strangers simply because they are cute girls who happen to have celebrated their spring break a bit too much. Alien drives the women to his, well, evil lair and proceeds to exhibit all of his stuff. Alien is inordinately proud of his stuff. See, he came from nothing so every asset he has attained, no matter how ill-gotten, is proof of his accomplishments as a man.
Alien loves the ladies. He also loves fellating firearms. What he does not love is his old best friend, who has recently demonstrated a desire to become the area drug lord of note. A turf war proceeds, largely through words rather than deeds. All the while, Alien continues to sport his million dollar grill of teeth. He also attempts to seduce all of the women for whom he made bail, largely succeeding. Ladies love a man with a lot of stuff. In this manner, we grow to understand that Alien has cracked the code of life.
Simply by having a wonderful home, lots of personal property and the appropriate amount of bail money, Alien elevates his love from ordinary to extraordinary. Along the way, he also sports the too memorable catch phrase of the movie, “Spring Breeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak.” As enunciated by James Franco, these words possess a power. They are like an ice pick to eardrum, a virus for which there is no cure. It is as if the words are used to identify that in a movie overflowing with scantily clad women, Alien is the king of spring break. Love him or hate him, he is infinitely watchable. He is also the runaway winner as our choice for Best Character of the year.
Perhaps no film symbolism resonates with society like isolation does. In the movie Frozen, Ice Queen Elsa has loneliness thrust upon her in an unprecedented way. As a child, her attempt to play with her kid sister almost kills the younger girl. Her parents, wary of their daughter’s newfound ice powers, attempt to hide her from the outside world, as much for the protection of the world itself than for her. They are the ruling monarchy of Arendelle and must weigh the needs of their people, not only their daughter. When they die suddenly as is wont to happen to parents in Disney animated movies, Elsa cannot even confide in her sister. The younger girl has no memory of her sister’s powers. Elsa is completely alone in the world.
Eventually, the citizens of Arendelle discover the secret of their new queen. They are understandably terrified of her unexplained powers. After this turn of events, Elsa elects to live a life of her own choosing in the mountain skies. Using her powers, she creates an icy fortress to keep the rest of the world away. What is novel about Elsa is that she embraces the change. To the tune of Let It Go, the likely Academy Awards winner for Best Song, Elsa announces her intention to be free from the expectations of society. A Disney original, she no longer worries about the perceptions of others. She does still love her alienated sister, though. And the power of their love has a profound impact upon the land of Arendelle. Elsa and her younger sister, who appears lower on the list, are the type of role models that the girls who support Disney have dreamt to have for a century now. Finally, Disney has developed a heroine worthy of admiration, and our staff embraces her not just for her beauty (and voice) but also strength of character.
Our third nomination for Best Character is Llewyn Davis from Inside Llewyn Davis. Davis is a struggling musician who is chasing down a dream of music stardom. He also has a penchant for heckling that gets him in trouble multiple times. Probably. There is also a cat who does not belong to him yet keeps following him around. I should note that the cat received a lot of votes in this category as well. This is important because Davis could be the cat. Maybe. Look, Inside Llewyn Davis is a complex film from the Coen Brothers that features an absolutely amazing character. Our staff adores all 100 minutes he is onscreen, even if we do not necessarily understand all of them.
The final selections in our top five are Jasmine from Blue Jasmine and Gary King from The World’s End. Jasmine is a pain in the ass in every sense of the phrase. She is a needy, duplicitous woman who is self-serving beyond a point of fault. Whatever the opposite of the Midas Touch is, she has it. Everyone who comes into contact with her finds themselves worse for wear. Her adopted sister can never do anything to please her, her stepson wants nothing to do with her, an ex-husband understandably cheated on her with anybody with a pulse and her latest boyfriend unearths any number of untoward truths about her. Stating the obvious, Jasmine is a fascinating character. She is not, however, someone whom you should try to befriend. You would regret doing so.
Gary King is a simple man with a simple dream. The protagonist of The World’s End believes that he can fix all of the problems in his life if he can simply reunite his friends and duplicate a failed pub crawl from when they were students. His friends all hate him so there is already one problem. He is also a recovering drug addict so a night of binge-drinking is probably not the best idea. Then again, the events of the night are such that our staff would hate the thought of anyone trying to live through them sober. Eventually, The World’s End reveals just how troubled Gary King is before it also demonstrates an unexpected streak of existentialism. As always, the Edgar Wright/Simon Pegg tandem surprises us with their inventiveness. The character of Gary King may be their finest creation yet.
Another pair of women comprise are sixth and seventh selections for Best Character. They also happen to represent two of the largest global blockbusters of the year. In Frozen, Anna is the younger princess of Arendelle who finds herself orphaned by her parents then disavowed by her sister in a short period of time. Rather than wallow in self-pity, Anna embarks upon a quest to discover her sister’s location and convince her to return home. This Disney princess is willing to brave wintery weather and climb a mountain to get her sibling back. Anna is brave, and a kinder person than her big sister. Our staff voted Elsa higher because she is splashy. Anna carries Frozen because she is a better human being.
Gravity’s Dr. Ryan Stone is a certified genius. Don’t believe me. Take NASA’s word on the subject. They provide her with six months of intensive training simply because they can teach her how to be an astronaut more easily than they can teach someone else how to be a wizard at her machinery. Stone has developed a scanning system designed for hospitals that is being repurposed to scan the edge of the universe. Alas, scanning the universe takes a backseat to a struggle for survive. Stone has been through her fair share of personal tragedy yet nothing could have prepared the doctor for this catastrophe. Somehow, she rediscovers her humanity and desire to live as she floats stranded and helpless. Gravity is a spellbinding cinematic triumph. The character of Dr. Ryan Stone is the reason why. She demonstrates the ultimate form of survival of the fittest.
Our final selections in the category are Samantha from Her, Niki Lauda from Rush and Erin from You’re Next. Samantha is a sexy disembodied voice who is seeking total enlightenment, even if she has to leave this plane of existence to find it. And she must have something going for her since thousands of people are in love with her. Lauda is the pricky, irascible race car driver who cares about winning more than his own safety. When faced with personal tragedy, the F-1 racer grows to appreciate the fragility of life. And Erin once received survival training. She is amazed how much said training translates to claustrophobic situations such as home invasion. You’re Next is arguably the most pleasant surprise of 2013 movie releases, largely because of the character of Erin. She is the most kickass female protagonist since the women of The Descent.
The characters who narrowly missed nomination this year are Aimee Finecky (The Spectacular Now), Adèle (Blue Is the Warmest Color), Theodore Twombly (Her), Trevor Slattery (Iron Man 3), Jordan Belfort (The Wolf of Wall Street), Barry the Berry (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2), Owen (The Way Way Back), Rosalyn Rosenfeld (American Hustle) and R (Warm Bodies).
2014 Calvin Awards
Calvins Intro
Best Actor
Best Actress
Best Album
Best Cast
Best Character
Best Overlooked Film
Best Scene
Best Supporting Actor
Best Supporting Actress
Best TV Show
Best Use of Music
Best Videogame
Breakthrough Performance
Worst Performance
Worst Picture