Viking Night: Watchmen
By Bruce Hall
June 23, 2015
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Well, I own it on Blu-Ray. I’ve seen it at least three times now. Somebody filmed it all right, just like someone filmed The Lord of the Rings. And just like Frodo and Friends, Watchmen boasts a worldwide legion of borderline obsessed fans who are more emotionally attached to a totally made up story someone else wrote than they are to the person who gave birth to them. And trust me, they’re passionate enough that if you get Dr. Manhattan’s dong the wrong shade of blue, they’ll twitter you to death and hunt your ghost to the ends of the earth. So it’s not so much a question of whether Watchmen could be filmed, as it is a question of whether the film would do the subject matter justice.
And that’s where, whether you like what he did with it or not, Zack Snyder has already succeeded. He made the comic book film everyone said couldn’t be made. He made it with no stars. It’s rated R. It’s a period piece. It’s a soundtrack movie. It’s a relatively adult superhero story. It’s got a big naked blue guy who can see time. There are people who loved it, people who hated it, and people like me who are simply fascinated by the fact it even exists. One thing Watchmen doesn’t suffer from is apathy, unless of course you count Alan Moore. Watchmen is legendary just because it got finished. But you know what else it also is?
It’s also pretty good.
So, let’s pretend super heroes were really a thing. Real life, crime fighting, super powered do-gooders with their underwear on the outside and everything. Just like in the movies, they do a lot of good, and they do a lot of collateral damage. Watching criminals get locked up feels good, but knowing there are living weapons walking among us really doesn’t, and eventually the ancient art of super-heroing is outlawed. The ones who resist are killed off, and the rest go into quiet lives of seclusion - including the Watchmen. They’re kind of like the Avengers in this world, except instead of the Hulk they have that big naked blue guy, and Iron Man is German. But after years of suspicion and hatred, the public has turned against them, forcing them to retire.
Or should I say, forcing them to retire...except for two. Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup) was a brilliant physicist who accidentally cooked himself in a giant microwave and obtained total dominion over matter. Now, he works for the government, single handedly winning the Vietnam War, and keeping Richard Nixon in the White House well into the second season of Miami Vice (the film takes place at the denouement of the Cold War, the 1980s). The Comedian (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) is what would happen if Burt Reynolds and The Punisher had a son. He's a cynical, amoral killing machine. Both men work for the government and therefore at the pleasure of Tricky Dick.
Enjoying retirement are Nite Owl (Patrick Wilson), who seems content to spend his best years wearing tweed, reading books and watching the world drift toward nuclear war. Silk Spectre (Malin Akerman) is Manhattan"s girlfriend, but they’re having trouble. You know when your partner is the victim of a freak lab accident that grants them total omnipotence, and they slowly start to lose touch with what it means to be human? Having fewer problems is Ozymandias (Matthew Goode), the de facto leader of the Watchmen. To continue with my insane comic book analogies, Ozymandias is kind of like Bruce Wayne and Lex Luthor rolled into one. He’s given up his secret identity and dedicated his life to using his vast wealth in the service of humanity.
Nice guy, right? Maybe.
Tell that to the last of the Watchmen, Rorschach (Jackie Earle Haley), who takes it upon himself to investigate the sudden death of the Comedian. And by “sudden death” I mean “savagely beaten half to death and then hurled out a 35-story window completely to death”. Rorschach believes someone is quietly manipulating world events, trying to lead the United States into war, and is trying to eliminate the Watchmen before they can reassemble and take action. Unfortunately, his comrades don’t take Rorschach very seriously. No one wants to break the law, and retirement has made some of them too fat or too happy to once again concern themselves with world events.
But when you’re a super hero, retired or not, big things tend to draw you in.
And so, Watchmen is kind of a slow burn, as they say. There’s plenty of action - fight scenes are lovingly choreographed and drawn out to the point where you could argue they go on too long - unless you’re like me, and you’re into violence, in which case they’re just perfect. What’s of more interest to me is the way Watchmen regards its characters. The whole idea of going vigilante, dressing up in smelly latex and fighting crime from the rooftops at 3 a.m. is completely absurd, especially when the law isn’t there to back you up. They all know this, but when you alone have the power to save the world, why wouldn’t you use it? Why wouldn’t that be your calling?
The conflict inside each character is almost as interesting as the conflict between them. Rorschach alone is driven by an insatiable internal sense of justice, while his old partner Nite Owl fears running afoul of a society that doesn’t understand them. Dr. Manhattan continues to transform into some sort of godlike inter-dimensional rock star, so powerful that the petty concerns of human beings hardly make sense to him anymore. I’ve heard differing opinions, but for my money, Snyder does a pretty good job of letting this story develop, and letting the characters find their own way. I wouldn’t go so far as to call Watchmen a “procedural,” but it plays out more like that then it does a superhero movie - and that may be the issue a lot of people have with it.
I haven’t read the comic in decades, but as far as I can recall, Snyder’s film more or less tells the same story. For those informed enough to have a sense of context about American history, Watchmen does a serviceable job of evoking the eras across which the story spans. The only issue I have is with small, distracting things - like the fact that Malin Akerman isn’t very good. Sorry, she’s just not. I’m sure she’s a super nice person, but she sticks out the way you do when you visit your kid’s elementary school and try sitting inconspicuously in those little Hobbit sized chairs. I feel like there were easily 20 other people who could have filled the role of “pretty girl who kicks a little ass” just as well - while also bringing the ability to act to the table.
And then there’s the soundtrack. There are a lot of memorable songs here, but the context for using them isn’t always apparent, and they give you less of an “80s” vibe than they do a “I really like all these songs and want them in my movie” vibe. It’s not that big of a deal, but considering the fact I am probably the target demographic for this movie, it probably speaks volumes. I enjoy Watchmen - despite it being a pretty bleak story - it’s an interesting ride, and it’s different from any other superhero film ever made. In fact, forget about the comic. If you want to see a superhero film that’s about bigger things than indestructible people pointlessly punching each other in the face while thousands of innocent bystanders are crushed under falling debris, give it a try.
You might be pleasantly surprised.