Top Chef California: Episode 12
By Jason Lee
February 23, 2016
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Except not. We’re in Oakland. The cheaper, edgier, less accomplished, and less noticed little brother of San Francisco. Like someone promised Beyoncé but who gets Solange, I am hit by a wave of disappointment.
I get over it pretty quickly. The seven remaining chefs arrive at Jack London Square, one of the coolest parts of Oakland. There, they see Padma and MC Hammer. Yep, the celebrity appearance that’s been teased by the show for months is finally here. It’s Hammer time.
Hammer gives a short spiel about how he came up with his moniker, and Padma informs the chefs that they’ll be tasked with coming up with their own rap name and dish that embodies that name. The chefs are such goofballs, they all pick the most ridiculous-sounding name and quickly get to work. Jeremy and Kwame eye each other uneasily, realizing the similarity of their dishes. Marjorie ends up with extra time on her hands, which she takes as an ominous sign. Carl amuses himself and everyone around him by recalling his middle school days when he and his friends came up with hip hop rhymes.
Oh, you silly, silly white boy.
First up with food is Karen, aka Pink Dragon (an obvious ode to her hair). She serves a hot and sour soup with pork meatballs, shitakes, and morel mushrooms. Hammer can taste the heat.
Carl is next, introducing himself as Dr. Funky Fresh and immediately breaks into a rap. It’s absolutely adorkable. In his funky and fresh vein, he offers a beef tartare lettuce wrap. Padma agrees that it’s very fresh.
Amar, adorned with the God-awful name Santana Lovah, has a soy-glazed Chilean sea bass with dashi broth that he believes the ladies will love. The judges find it a bit “eh.”
Marjorie is Miss Punch-A-Lot, as she can get punchy when stressed. Her fried chicken sandwich with honey and sriracha looks great, but the sheer amount of bread on the sandwich tamps down on the spice.
Isaac is now Toups Legit 2 Quit aaaaaaaaaaand I am now officially done with this awful names. He has scallops with BBQ sauce and grits. It’s his take on shrimp and grits. Hammer feels like he’s back at Mardi Gras.
Jeremy is no longer a mild-mannered chef. He is Spicy J-Rock 305 (barf). Hammer enjoys the spice in his broth with Dungeness crab, grilled summer squash, and halibut cheek.
Finally, Kwame is Balish. No, not the Game of Thrones guy. He’s from the bay area and he serves delicious food. It’s a word pun that only a really bad punner could love. After offering a seafood broth with grilled lobster, Padma (in full knowledge of his one-year career as a rapper) invites him to spin a few rhymes for Hammer. He does... in total mediocre fashion. Everyone is embarrassed for him. It’s quite awkward.
Hammer gets things back on track with some good news. Carl’s tartare was meaty and succulent. Isaac’s sauce was tangy and tart. Karen really brought the fire. And the winner is... Isaac, who immediately breaks into his Hammer dance. Boy, this challenge really brought out the goofy in the chefs. Isaac gets immunity and some words of praise for his moves from the originator himself.
But Padma isn’t satisfied simply taking us back to the early '90s. Nope, we’re going back even further. And to help us is Jonathan Waxman of Top Chef Masters fame (and others), who brings a globe adorned with many little flags. The chefs will draw knives and then select from a variety of different countries and eras. The dishes they make will have to bring those historical time periods to life.
Isaac goes first and gleefully picks the Viking Era, Carl goes with Ancient Greece, Amar wants La Belle Epoque in Paris, Marjorie takes ancient India, Kwame has Beijing, Karen selects ancient Japan, and Jeremy is happy with the Gold Rush in California.
To research their cultures, the chefs head on over to the gorgeous San Francisco public library. With armfuls and armfuls of books, the chefs settle down looking a bit like Hermione leading up to exams. Jeremy finds a menu from one of the first San Francisco restaurants and decides he - like them - will do a chowder. Karen, who really wanted to do Chinese, is thrilled to find that in her time period, Chinese cuisine started to make inroads into Japan. Marjorie, though, finds little that is helpful and is frustrated beyond belief, lacking any real direction for her dish.
There’s not much time for that, though, as the chefs are off and cooking before we know it. Carl is awash in great seafood, Amar is knee-deep in truffles, Kwame is putting together a dish composed of only four ingredients and wants them perfect, and Marjorie... oh, Marjorie. She’s patching together some semblance of a dish based off of things she’s made before, but botching everything up. She’s trying to make this Indian flat bread, paratha, which is delicious . . . but she keeps burning it. Badly. The skillet in which it sits emits so much smoke that Marjorie, in a total coughing fit, ditches it in an empty corner of the kitchen. She starts over. And burns that batch.
It’s looking like it might be the end for this D.C. chef.
Carl and Marjorie are both up first. Carl, harkening back to Ancient Greece, has marinated mackerel, calamari, olives, and grapes. It looks absolutely beautiful on the plate. Tom loves it - the dish looks simple but is anything but.
Marjorie follows that up with a lamb kabob with heart jus, curried split peas, and paratha. Padma appreciates that balance of spice and heat, but cannot stand the paratha, which tastes fried and is not soft at all. Jonathan agrees - it’s quite greasy.
Isaac and Kwame are next. Isaac, in total Viking fashion, somehow has finagled these flat pieces of wood that he’s charred to look uber-Viking. It’s awesome. Atop those plates, he has a cumin and mustard-seared venison with caramelized onion grautr and pickled beets. The venison is cooked perfectly but Tom doesn’t like his use of walnuts.
Kwame, working in the Han dynasty in China, has a coriander-crusted duck with black sesame duck jus, eggplant, and lapsang souchong cream. Jonathan adores the use of coriander as a spice and textural element. Tom finds the duck really well cooked.
Karen and Jeremy are both scrambling at the last minute. Karen (who has Ancient Japan) is really worried that her dish is too Chinese, but ends up serving soba noodles in a dashi mushroom broth with wagyu beef. Padma notes that the broth is far more Chinese than Japanese, and Jonathan chimes in with agreement. Gail finds some beautiful notes in the dish but laments the lack of editing on Karen’s part, noting that there are just too many elements.
Meanwhile, Jeremy was rushing to put the finishing touches on his Dungeness crab chowder with sourdough halibut. It’s a beautiful dish, which is a flaw in this case. Jonathan takes him to task for not making something that California gold miners would have wanted and eaten. Tom notes that the chowder eats more like a sauce - an over-reduced one, at that.
Amar is last and has decided to give his diners a heart attack. With all the butter and cream the chefs in La Belle Epoque could have wanted, he has a roasted squab with sweetbreads, foie gras, tourné vegetables, and a truffle sauce. All the diners adore it. There doesn’t seem to be a single error in the dish.
At Judges Table, it’s no surprise that Amar, Carl, and Kwame are selected as the best of the day. Jonathan loved the sparseness of Kwame’s dish, applauding his restraint. Gail compliments the technique Amar demonstrated in putting together his dish, which required great time and care. Tom loves that every ingredient in Carl’s dish was as important as the rest, and praises the hint of sweetness that he incorporated.
The win, as should be expected, goes to Amar. Like Isaac last week, he’s totally thrilled. It’s his first win in the competition and shows that he’s a chef to be reckoned with. The road to the finale is going to be anything but straightforward.
And only six chefs will get to walk it. Up for elimination are Karen, Jeremy, and Marjorie. Tom assures them that none of them cooked bad dishes, but this is a competition and someone will be going home for making good food. Gail calls Karen out for not keeping the dish simpler. Jonathan agrees, wishing that she’d demonstrated some editing skills and just dumped her noodles into some delicious broth.
Tom typically likes lamb kabobs, but the best part of that type of dish - the char on the meat - was totally absent in Marjorie’s dish. Padma, again, criticizes the paratha, which tasted fried and ate crispy. Marjorie admits that she was rushing when she made it.
Finally, Gail laments the lack of flavor in Jeremy’s chowder. Jonathan, on the other hand, hates how “fussy” it felt, when it should have been a throwback to California mining culture.
I’m fully expecting Marjorie to go home, as she seemed like the only chef who made something that actually tasted bad (the greasy paratha), but Padma announces that it’s Karen (!!!). I’m shocked.
That shock quickly switches to sadness as Karen bids adieu to the judges and her fellow chefs. She tearfully notes that chefs rarely get the opportunity to be surrounded by other great chefs from around the country and with different experiences and styles. This cast spent a lot of time together, learned from each other, and have grown through the experience. As she expresses her gratitude, I silently hope that she’ll get to rejoin the competition through Last Chance Kitchen.