Viking Night: Spaceballs
By Bruce Hall
May 3, 2016
BoxOfficeProphets.com

I wonder which one of them has the biggest schwartz.
Do you remember The Princess Bride, where Peter Falk plays the kindly grandfather and tiny, adorable Fred Savage plays the sick grandson? Do you remember how the whole film was the old man reading a delightful children’s story to the boy, whose imagination conjured what we saw on screen? Picture the same thing, but in 1977. Instead of Fred Savage, it’s you. Instead of Peter Falk, it’s your crazy Uncle Mel who always smells like peach brandy. And instead of quietly reading you a book, he loudly blathers on about this new film called Star Wars. You were too young to realize at the time, but Uncle Mel fell asleep 20 minutes into the film, and made up the rest from memory.

So years later, when you finally saw it for the first time, you saw Star Wars the way it was meant to be seen - Han shooting first - rather than through the prism of an old man’s alcohol induced psychosis. If that seems bleak, I can assure you that 1) I’m mostly kidding, and 2) I’m man enough to blame my problems on my OWN alcohol induced psychosis, thank you very much. And while there were Star Wars parodies made before Spaceballs, and there Star Wars parodies made after, how fitting that the most definitive one of all comes from Hollywood’s Crazy Old Grandad of comedy.

And the best thing about it is that unlike some of Mel Brooks’ more recent fare, Spaceballs still holds up pretty well.

No, I take that back. The best thing about Spaceballs is that it’s not just a goof at Star Wars, it’s a fairly pitch perfect goof on the whole Space Opera genre in general. If there’s any serious criticism you can levy at Star Wars, it might be that the stories are entirely personality driven, and the personalities are rather thin at that. And what plot there is more or less resembles the “reluctant hero/mysterious/rescues semi-helpless maiden/confrontation with evil" template that has been the bedrock of storytelling since the dawn of time. Translation - some of our favorite stories are the dumbest ones, and they make such easy targets that you hardly even have to try.

So of course Spaceballs hardly tries, and succeeds anyway, because the fundamental premise is actually kind of true.

Imagine two neighboring planets, the evil planet Spaceball and the noble planet Drudia. Spaceball is a mechanized wasteland, desperately in need of air supply. No, not the band. Actual air. They’re running out of it. Spaceball is run by evil President Skroob (Mel Brooks) and his half cybernetic, half Jewish-Canadian strongman, Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis). Conversely, Druidia looks like the painting on the front of a box of dutch cookies. Its windswept, snow capped peaks are ruled by the loveable King Roland (DIck Van Patten) and his pretty/shrill daughter Vespa (Daphne Zuniga, whom you should know from Melrose Place because that show is awesome). The Spaceballs would love to steal all the air from Druidia, but Roland has wisely encased his planet in an invisible shield (probably because he lives next door to a guy named “Skroob”).


The Spaceballs send Dark Helmet and his goons to force Roland to lower the shield by kidnapping Vespa - which they do - but Roland’s distress signal is received just in time by none other than Lone Starr (Bill Pullman), the galaxy’s most notoriously roguish pilot, and his oafish sidekick Barf (John Candy). Behind the wheel of their mighty space Winnebago, Barf and Starr (sorry Packers fans) dive right into the rescue, hoping to earn enough money to pay off Starr’s considerable debt. And by the way, not only does John Candy steal most of the scenes he’s in, but his character is memorably half man/half dog. “I’m my own own best friend,” he says, and his cheerful, absent-minded demeanor almost single handedly provides Spaceballs with its joyful essence.

But all is not perfect. I have no problem declaring Spaceballs to be one of the top Star Wars parodies of all time, and I suppose you can only be so critical about a film whose analog for Yoda is Mel Brooks on his knees in gold face paint, calling himself “Yogurt.” But as I’ve said many times, even stupid movies are required to maintain audience interest - and that means putting at least minimal effort into crafting a coherent story. And that’s where I feel a little off about Spaceballs. The story is actually no less coherent than any of the Star Wars films, but when it comes time to advance the plot, it’s as though Brooks decided to give himself a pass. The assumption seems to be that since we’re shooting at such an easy target, why bother to aim?

For example, one of the more memorable gags occurs early in the film, when Lone Starr and Barf initially manage to rescue Vespa and escape Dark Helmet’s clutches. Helmet and his minions simply purchase a copy of Spaceballs on VHS, fast forward to the point in the movie where the Winnebago next appears, and set an intercept course. Now this is funny - I like it, and I suspect it may be a veiled jab at The Empire Strikes Back, whose plot timeline infamously makes no goddamned sense. The problem is that Spaceballs relies on this kind of contrivance a little too often, kind of like a videogame that just unlocks the damn door for you when you prove too inept to figure out the combination.

Yes, I know that seems like a pointless criticism to have against a movie with so many dick jokes in it. But while Spaceballs is undeniably hilarious, when held up against Brooks’ best work, there is really no comparison. The Producers was transcendent. Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein were visionary. Spaceballs is merely adequate, and whenever I feel like a good film leaves great things on the table, it bothers me a little bit. Spaceballs is a very good time, but the tone vacillates a little too frequently between “inspired laugh riot” and “indifferently produced variety show.” Bill Pullman might be doing a Groucho Marx impression most of the time he’s on screen. To some extent, these are Mel Brooks trademarks, but a lot of Spaceballs feels phoned in, from a script perspective

I just think that if I were going to parody Star Wars 10 years after the fact, I might have set my sights a little higher.

Still, it that’s the most I can complain about Spaceballs, you won’t mind if I label it a success? The story, or what there is of it, really is more substantial than almost any of the actual Star Wars films, and the characters are probably a little more interesting, to tell you the truth. I’d love to know more about why Dark Helmet needs to wear a tie, and why all his punishments are testicle based. An entire spin off franchise could be made about Barf and Lone Starr and I would consume it ravenously. I would pay real money to hear Yogurt give a Ted Talk. I guess more than anything, Spaceballs is simply a joyful film, and everyone appears to have had a joyful time making it. Despite a handful of flaws, this is just a fun, stupid movie that doesn’t require a lot of effort to enjoy. Even if you DO need more out of your comedy than that, it’s really not a bad deal.

And if I have to hear a bedtime story tonight, and this is the one Crazy Uncle Mel wants to tell me, I’m totally down with it.