A-List: Cartoons We Wish Were Live Action
By J. Don Birnam
May 26, 2016
BoxOfficeProphets.com
So, what are some of the top cartoon movies on our “let's hope they do these too” wish list? More than a wish list, I should say, the list today is really just a “biding of time” list. You know all of these will eventually be exhausted into live action films, and then some. Let's just hope they're not as bad as Richie Rich or Josie and the Pussycats.
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The odious five this time around are:
5. The Care Bears
Yes, the Care Bears. Spanning dozens of merchandise items, endless cartoons, and a couple of decent movies for kids, this one has a significantly high degree of difficulty as to be intriguing. If they can have little teddy-like bears in Return of the Jedi, surely they can make it happen here, right? Movies like The Jungle Book have shown us that talking animals are really no challenge these days. The difficult question would be how to get the Care Bear stare to work - but nothing CGI can't cure.
Moreover, the movie has a built in sequel - the Care Bare Cousins can show up the second time around if there is an additional need to save the day. And the baddies can go from evil faces in books, to mean, devil-like spirits. On top of it all the corny message of love and friendship will be sure to warm the hearts of parents looking for easier messages to send their movie-faring children.
The problem, of course, is that the target audience for this film is so young that few if any would watch it in live action form. Except of course maybe me.
4. He-Man
Okay, so the Care Bears may have been too much of a…eh, girly, start, so let's counteract it with some testosterone and look to the muscle-bound, scantily clad superhero and his troupe for the next entry.
On second thought, the outfits in this one would be gayer than even the Care Bears movie. Oh well. Pay no attention, I know you're already plotting whether Christopher Walken or Stanley Tucci will be playing the deformed Skeletor. In fact, there are so many characters in the “Masters of the Universe” universe that spanned the brawny hero that the spinoffs, prequels, and reboots write themselves. You'd have to have Battle Cat in the original, of course, a task obviously fit to Andy Serkis. Man-At-Arms would be the obvious sidekick, and She-Ra has potential for many actresses from Megan Fox to Scarlett Johansson.
From there on out, however, the sky is the limit. The number of odd creatures, evil beings, misunderstood kings, and heroic figures is staggering. If Thor can do it, then surely one of the most popular cartoons from the 1980s can too, right?
3. Pinocchio
I'm aware that there have been rumors of a Pinocchio live action turn but, since they are currently only rumors, I've decided to place it on the wish list.
This one is here because of the advanced degree of difficulty and the awesome potential for special effects and trappings. The scene inside the whale? Pinocchio and friends turning into donkeys in the carnival? Stromboli?! I mean who would play such a deliciously evil character - Jim Broadbent?
Also worth imagining are the twists on the tale, of course. Just like Maleficent and Cinderella gave us new spins on the motivations for the evil characters, so, too, could Pinocchio be creative about it. Did Stromboli lose a kid in his youth? Did a woodmaker screw him over somehow? Does Pinocchio really want to become a real boy?
The possibilities are all but wooden for this one.
2. The Little Mermaid
Again, I'm aware that there are rumors that a movie along these lines is in the making, but the advanced degree of difficulty, the desirability of the movie, and the thinness of the rumors compel me to put this in second place.
The Little Mermaid is, to start, among my favorite ever Disney cartoons. It is arguably the one that rescued the brand from the verge of death, with its now iconic Jamaican crab singing to a fun beat Under the Sea. The challenge in the real life version, of course, will be to repeat some of that charisma without simply just copying the songs full throttle. It will be interesting to see how Beauty and the Beast deals with that problem, actually.
Once you get past the problem of the songs, you still have the challenge of the beneath the ocean scenes. CGI for some of the sea animals is one thing, and Ursula's tentacles seem like an easy thing to animate. But, to have human-looking figures speaking under water - I'm not sure I can imagine how they will achieve that without making the movie look like it is just a Pixar-like cartoon.
As for the twist, could it be that Ursula was good? She does make an oblique reference in the movie to the days she lived in Triton's palace - perhaps a back story there could help tease out the character's motivations. Was she betrayed by Triton? His first love? Ariel's real mother?! The possibilities are endless, and they certainly would revolve around the better characters - i.e., the villains - than the boring prince of the movie, for example.
1. Archie
I'll say this bluntly-this is more of a rant than a commentary. They've made every single other comic book - from Richie to Spider-Man - a damn live action movie. Aren't Archie and pals the most lovable of them all? The story is there for the taking - teenage angst and a love triangle between Betty (Kristen Bell) and Veronica (Anne Hathaway?). I'd cast Jessica Chastain as Archie, but I guess she's not gender appropriate.
But you have Jughead, Reggie, and Archie's father (J.K. Simmons), at the very least, as compelling characters. The temptation to resist would be to make this a teen angst movie instead of what it really should be - a lighthearted comedy with a tad of intrigue and backstabbing. You'd need a comedian more than a rom-com writer to be behind this.
And, like with the other choices on this list, the sequels are there before we begin (not to mention the prequels revolving around the childhoods of these wily teenagers). In the sequel, Archie's marriage to one of the girls founders, and he marries the other. Spinoffs about these characters would also be spawned, as they did in the comic book world. Sure, it may not bring in the millions of dollars of tickets of an icon like Batman, but I bet you that Riverdale would bring in more moolah than whatever executive that has nixed this idea has imagined.