How to Spend $20
By Les Winan
September 1, 2004
BoxOfficeProphets.com
As a result, decisions will be totally subjective (I bought the full run of the unjustly canceled ABC dramedy Sports Night, no matter that the discs are featureless, The Criterion Collection edition of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is a disc I had been dreaming of for years). The massive unreleased studio (film and television) back-catalogue means that every week there's likely something for every film fan. So before you think to yourself, "I don’t nickname my genitalia, but I’ll watch One Eyed King more than once!" stop; ask yourself, "Why!?" and then check to see if One Eyed King (or your disc of choice) is one of the weekly BOP DVD recommendations.
For people who really want to see someone beat the shit out of Jesus: The Passion of the Christ (Widescreen) (2004)
Did you know that Mel Gibson really, really, really, really loves Jesus? It’s true. Mel Gibson loves Jesus so much; he made a movie about Jesus! Do you know why Mel Gibson loves Jesus? Because he thinks Jesus got the shit kicked out of him before being crucified! See, Mel Gibson loves when his characters get the crap kicked out of them in movies, thus he loves and identifies with Jesus. Kids, if you’re reading this, there’s nothing more exciting than being horribly tortured and then crucified (or at least acting in a film where that’s happening to you)! Mel Gibson says so. Mel thinks that it’s extremely, extremely important to the development of
a) your character as a religious figure
and
b) your motivation as a movie actor to get the shit kicked out of you.
Putting those two things together, we can see that Mel Gibson thinks the best way to pay tribute to his version of Jesus is to show Jesus getting tortured in a movie.
Mel doesn’t, however, seem terribly interested in how Jesus helped people. Or how Jesus inspired his followers (some call them “disciples”). Really, that stuff isn’t important, because before crucifying him, the Romans really beat the shit out of Jesus. What also isn’t important is how millions of people have been helped (and millions hurt) in the name of Jesus since his crucifixion. But what is also important enough to put in the movie is that the Jews made the Romans horribly torture Jesus and then crucify him. Well, that might be reading too much into things, but he does seem to at least be saying that the Jews didn’t not make the Romans whip the living shit out of Jesus.
A lot of people saw The Passion of the Christ and were moved by the experience. That’s terrific news for the success of the film but a fact that I find that both interesting and odd. My theory is that people went into the theater thinking they had to have an emotional reaction to the death of Jesus, so they did. But not simply because they felt they had to, because they were so traumatized by watching someone they literally deify be horribly tortured and killed that they had strong emotions about it that they then attributed to the “power” of the film.
It’s a very, very American thing to feel zealously excited by seeing a film where someone (in this case, Mel Gibson’s version of Jesus) has an unnaturally violent experience. Naturally, if Mel had shown Jesus (or, calm down for a second folks, any other character in another movie) getting graphically laid and wearing no clothing, well, then it would be tantamount to pornography, because sex is unnatural, but violence isn’t. Why do I suddenly pick that bone (again, no pun intended)? Because the same people who love Mel Gibson’s version of Jesus are the same people who protest outside of Miramax and Disney studios if they don’t like the depiction of Jesus being presented in one of their movies.
Personally, I find it offensive that the now “definitive” film version of one of most important historical figures of our time is predicated on violence. Imagine showing that film to a child…what possible message is that child to take from the film other than that it’s okay to martyr yourself for your cause? Put simply, without the context of Mel Gibson’s extreme version of Jesus and Christianity, no person, child or not, will possibly be able to understand The Passion of the Christ in any meaningful way other than: “if someone is beating the shit out of me for something I believe in, that’s okay. In fact, it’s glorious. I will be celebrated. I will be loved by millions.”
Sounds suspiciously like the same logic used by suicide bombers. Now, I’m not saying that people who take The Passion of the Christ too seriously (or kids indoctrinated by it) will necessarily crash planes into the non-Christian world’s equivalent of the World Trade Center, but the metaphorical stretch isn’t that far. The Passion of the Christ is religious propaganda that uses extreme violence as a motivating factor in its drama, and that offends me.
But nothing offends me more than the fact that Mel Gibson, who will make roughly $500 million off of the most recent theatrical release of The Passion of the Christ (how much of that will go to charity? Is Mel tithing?), has released a DVD with no features. NONE (other than the theatrical trailer, which doesn’t really qualify). Which means only one thing…a special edition is coming…that fans of the film will be given the opportunity to pay for the DVD again. Sounds like the Christian thing of Mel to do. Just not any Christians that I know.
For people who haven’t had enough cursing in this column: Chris Rock: Never Scared (2004)
You can never go wrong with a Chris Rock standup DVD. Never.
For people who need yet more Jesus this week: Jesus Christ Superstar (Special Edition) (1973)
The “classic” musical is released on DVD this week, at the same time as the newly crowned superstar version of Jesus hits shelves. Not a bad marketing plan. For those of you also picking this up (or just picking this up), there’s an audio commentary with director Norman Jewison and actor Ted Neeley and not much else. But hey, if this is your DVD, you won’t mind…Broadway style!
For people who have yet to send me money: Videodrome (Criterion Edition) (1983)
Jason X star David Cronenberg’s Videodrome, starring future Simpsons guest star James Woods, is all about mind control and television. In addition, the film stars Blondie singer Deborah Harry as a sadomasochist girlfriend of Woods. Sounds entertaining. But I wish I had mind control powers. I would get you all to send me money. Really, I would. Send me money. This being a Criterion release, the extra features are outstanding. Send me money. Also, there’s nothing like spending money on a film Roger Ebert called “one of the least entertaining films ever made”. Send me money. Of course, that was 21 years ago, and Roger hadn’t seen the sequels to The Matrix yet, so who knows what he thinks of Videodrome now. Send me money. In any case, on the disc, you’ll find an audio commentary with Cronenberg and director of photography Mark Irwin; an audio commentary with Woods and Harry (don’t rearrange those words); a short film; documentary; and a variety of other features. Send me money. It’s a nice package, if you’re not Roger Ebert.
For people who like to see really hot women make bad career choices (aka Angelina Jolie fans): Twisted (Widescreen) (2004)
What the hell is wrong with Ashley Judd? I really wish she’d stick to taking her clothes off and not try to replicate this terrible thriller formula she’s stuck in. At least this movie has Samuel L. “I turn down no role” Jackson in it to make us fondly think of better movies. Fools rushing in to buy the film will be treated to an audio commentary with director Philip Kaufman; featurettes and deleted scenes.
For people who want to watch something creative this week: South Park: The Passion of the Jew (2004)
South Park: The Passion of the Jew is the DVD Pick of the Week. In the title episode (accompanied here by two others: "Christian Rock Hard," and "Red Hot Catholic Love”), the gentle youth of South Park meet Mel Gibson. Hilarity ensues. Wonderful, satirical hilarity.
August 31, 2004
24th Day (2004)
7th Street (2003)
Annie: A Royal Adventure (1995)
Apocalypse (1998)
Before I Say Goodbye (2003)
Black Orchid (1959)
The Bonesetter (2003)
Broadway Bill (1934)
Chris Rock: Never Scared (2004)
Class of Nuke 'Em High 2: Subhumanoid Meltdown (1991)
Come Back, Little Sheba (1952)
Forbidden Zone (1980)
I Love Lucy: The Complete Second Season (5-DVD Set) (1952)
Ike: Countdown to D-Day (2004)
Jesus Christ Superstar (Special Edition)
Lady Terminator (1988)
Lemora: A Child's Tale of the Supernatural (1973)
The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride (Special Edition) (1998)
Living Hell (2000)
One Eyed King (2001)
The Passion of the Christ (Full Frame) (2004)
The Passion of the Christ (Widescreen) (2004)
Relentless 2: Dead On (1991)
Riding High (1950)
Rocky & Bullwinkle & Friends: The Complete Second Season (1962)
South Park: The Passion of the Jew (2004)
Splat! (2002)
Star Trek: The Original Series - The Complete First Season (8-DVD Set) (1966)
Touched by an Angel: The Complete First Season (4-DVD Set) (1994)
Trekkies 2 (2004)
Twisted (Full Frame) (2004)
Twisted (Widescreen) (2004)
Videodrome (Criterion Edition) (1983)
The White Dawn (1975)