October 2005 Forecast
By Kang and Kodos
October 7, 2005
BoxOfficeProphets.com
1) Doom
We rejoice in this movie's release! It is about doom. DOOM! You should regard it as a portent of your future! Can you smell what the aliens are cooking?
2) The Legend of Zorro
Catherine Zeta-Jones is one of us, you know. Sure, she looks pretty on the outside, but what lies beneath is a vicious alien with slimy tentacles. If you look carefully, you can see those tentacles sometimes. Her ass has done a fantastic job of distracting the horny masses! The Legend of Zorro will help us get you puny Earth creatures that much closer to your DOOM!
3) Saw II
Do you know what we love? Watching human beings get decimated in horror films. These movies are actually viewed as comedies on our home planet. Nothing bad should happen to Donnie Wahlberg, though! We're big fans of New Kids on the Block!
4) The Fog
See above minus Donnie Wahlberg. Die, Superman, die!
5) Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit
Remember when Wallace and Gromit went to the moon? That was highly unrealistic! The moon is not made of cheese! It is created from a cheese-like substance!
6) Dreamer: Inspired By a True Story
Our alien cousin Dakota Fanning returns to warm your hearts! One day, she is going to accidentally break character and devour a human being with her giant, pointy teeth! Look out, Kurt Russell!
7) Elizabethtown
Orlando Bloom is not a boy! He is also not a girl! He is actually something else altogether, something that your inferior intellects cannot comprehend. View his sublimity! Throw your panties at the screen when you see his movie!
8) In Her Shoes
If you don't go see this movie, Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake will personally come to your home and destroy you! Shirley MacLaine cannot save you!
9) Two for the Money
Hoo-aaah! Al Pacino will yell his way through this movie so well that Will Ferrell will become jealous! Remember when Al was in The Godfather? That was a different Al! He has been replaced with an inferior clone equivalent! By the way, how is your clone dinner?
10) The Weather Man
Here is our forecast for the month of October. Nicolas Cage will name his son Kal-el and people will point at him and laugh! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!