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Austin Powers in Goldmember

If we're being completely fair, I should only include all but five minutes of this third Austin Powers movie. The opening sequence, partly thanks to its initial shock value and cameo appearances, provided some big laughs to me as I watched the movie the night before its release. Yet, even as I saw Gwyneth Paltrow, Tom Cruise, Danny DeVito, and Kevin Spacey appear as characters from Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, I had a nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach that the rest of the movie couldn't possibly be as funny as the pre-credits sequence. Was it possible for a movie to be that good? Well, maybe, but not this time. There were good parts to Goldmember, such as Fred Savage as the Mole and Dr. Evil's reactions to the title villain, but there were far more bad parts such as...well, such as the title villain. Obviously, making such fun of one of the most recognizable villains in the James Bond franchise makes sense in a series of comedies making fun of the James Bond franchise. However, making Goldmember so weird, making Fat Bastard just disgusting, and having far too many flatulence jokes made Goldmember an overall disappointment, and a mere hint of the terror that would come in Mike Myers' most recent comedy, The Love Guru. Still, when it comes to those five minutes, in that theater with tons of other teenagers and twentysomethings, I can honestly admit it took me a long time to laugh that hard at a movie.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

And here's the movie that made me laugh that hard! No, that's not true; if anything, I cried on the inside more than I did anything on the outside with the fourth Indiana Jones film, and the second film on this list to come from Steven Spielberg and George Lucas. I don't want to be completely unfair and blame Lucas for the movie, which pits Indy against...aliens, features cheesy special effects, and has Shia LaBeouf actually positioned as the next Indiana Jones (listen, I like LaBeouf, but you have got to be kidding me). Harrison Ford, as the title hero, isn't bad in any way, but it's hard to be cool with a character when he decides to jump in a refrigerator to avoid getting caught in a nuclear blast. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a movie that soured as time went along. Consider this: I went into the fourth Indy movie having just been offered a full-time job, my first; I say this to remind you that I was on Cloud Nine as I walked into this movie, not just because I was seeing Indiana Jones again, but because I had a job lined up. I walked out as grumpy as I could possibly be, watching one of my favorite film franchises completely ruined. Some of the audience enjoyed it, and those with me said they liked it, but I think we all knew that it was a pretty big failure. Of course, any movie that has Shia LaBeouf swinging on vines in a jungle without wanting any derisive laughter is asking to be despised.

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