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Michael, the Italian, turns fish sticks into little fried, fish meatballs with a yummy sauce. Jenny says that she loves the dish, remarking that she has "three perfect balls." No one at the table even attempts to hold back their snickering.

Nils, our Swede, chose fried shrimp and puts out a beautiful dish . . . that's not friend in any way. Jeff calls it bland.

Finally, we have Rick, our ADD guy, and he apparently tried to make a dish that was way too complicated with way too many ingredients and didn't get anything on the plate. Epic fail. He's crushed and says that he has a newfound respect for the cheftestants on Top Chef.

At this point, I really hope that they bring a BUNCH of Top Chef Masters back to judge on Top Chef next season. I think that would be highly entertaining, especially now that the Masters have had a turn on the other side of the table.

Kelly tells Jeff and company that the fourth chef couldn't put anything together. "Did he have 45 minutes?" Jeff asks sarcastically. I love Jeff.

As could be expected, Michael comes out on top with four and a half stars for his (perfect) balls, Nils and Lachlan tie with three stars each and Rick comes out with nothing. He's understandably upset. "Anyone can still take this," Kelly warns the chefs after the scoring is announced. Yeah, dream on, Kelly.

For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs will be required to cook a three course hors d'oeuvre menu for 100 people – with hors d'oeuvres based on appetizers, main courses and dessert. This will be a really tough challenge for these Masters, who are obviously not used to cooking without sous-chefs. Just take a look at last week with that annoying French chef who couldn't cook a quesadilla if you want an example.

We head to Whole Foods Market and I'm despondent to see that two Masters have chosen Top Chef's ingredient of choice: the scallop. Season after season after season, we've seen chefs cook scallops. I love scallops and I love to eat scallops but I'm kind of tired of watching chefs cook scallops. I want to scream at them in my best Fabio impersonation, "It's Top Chef Masters, not Top Scallop!"

The cooking takes place with minor drama (Michael's gelato won't set, oh no!) and before I know it, service begins. The critics are our typical three: Gael from the NY Times, Jay the British critic and James the American food writer (no Gail from Food and Wine, *sniff sniff*).

Michael turns out a brussels sprout salad as his appetizer hors d'oeuvre – since I love brussels sprouts, I'm intrigued. It seems to be a hit, though Gael finds it inappropriate for a stand-up cocktail party. Lachlan has created a fried pineapple wrapped in speck (wtf is speck?) and Jay dislikes the oilyness. Rick, our ADD guy, turns out a beautiful ceviche and everyone loves it. Nils presents a scallop with smoked potato cream and James declares it the best cocktail dish so far.

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