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The cast isn't bad, including supporting turns from Bonnie Hunt, Bebe Neuwirth, David Alan Grier, and Jonathan Hyde, but there's something uninvolving and cold about the movie. When there's a stampede coming through a New England mansion, shouldn't we be excited? Also, considering the movie is rated PG, and targeted for families, it's a bit too scary, what with all the spiders, mosquitoes, killer plants, and Kirsten Dunst. OK, OK, not everyone is scared of mosquitoes. Seriously, though, Dunst isn't bad; this is a movie during her precocious phase, not her dead-eyed phase. In general, Jumanji is a great example of something that might, kind of, sort of, maybe work on paper; on screen, it's a failure.

Dr. Seuss's The Grinch Who Stole Christmas

I hate this movie. I really do. Clarification, immediately: I'm not referring to the Chuck Jones version of the Grinch. No, my anger is focused at Ron Howard's 2000 version of the holiday classic about the creature who hates Christmas so much that he wants to take it away from the tiny denizens of the city below him. For this version, Jim Carrey plays the Grinch, channeling Robin Williams at his riffing worst. The Grinch as a director! The Grinch as a little girl! The Grinch as...hey, how about the Grinch as the Grinch? The children's classic is, of course, barely long enough to fit an hour of television, commercials included. To solve this problem, screenwriters Jeffrey Price and Peter S. Seaman decide to answer the age-old question: why is the Grinch such a meanie? Right? You always wanted to know that, right?

It's here that I feel like paraphrasing comic Patton Oswalt, when he rages against George Lucas for explaining how all the cool things we like came to be; we don't like these cool things because of the origins, we just like them because we like them. I don't want to know why the Grinch hates Christmas. He does. Let's just accept that. I also don't care if the Whos in Whoville are having some kind of Christmas decorating competition, or about Cindy Lou Who's dad's problems at work. I just want to see the Grinch slink around Christmas trees and steal stuff. Of course, a few years later, Ron Howard would absolve himself from all his filmmaking sins thanks to "Arrested Development", but a movie like The Grinch doesn't help anyone's cred.

Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol

OK, this one is a bit of a stretch, but I'll be honest and up-front: here's something else I just cannot stand. When it comes to A Christmas Carol, I'm a bit of a stickler and thus am frustrated that every time an adaptation of the Dickens classic is released in theaters, it's a "twist" on the story. The Muppets do Christmas! Scrooge sings! Bill Murray is Scrooge! Jim Carrey is Scrooge...and the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future (and don't forget Gary Oldman as Tiny Tim)! In this case, Mr. Magoo is Scrooge, and Scrooge sings! Sometimes, sticking to the source is a safe enough idea. Here, though, we have an hourlong special featuring one of the stupidest ideas for a cartoon character ever. I consider myself a guy with a good sense of humor, but what is so damn funny about a nearly blind man getting himself into life-threatening trouble?

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