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Vin Diesel

Before Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson came around, everyone assumed that the heir to the throne of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s action stardom was Vin Diesel. And why not? He’d co-starred in the uncommonly entertaining sci-fi thriller Pitch Black, was the co-lead in The Fast and The Furious, and dominated the globetrotting action film xXx. Diesel, unlike Schwarzenegger, had also appeared in supporting roles in such films as Saving Private Ryan, Boiler Room, and was the title character in The Iron Giant. What would it be like, a 21st-century Schwarzenegger with more acting chops than just blowing guys away? Diesel’s career has fallen off, despite a small resurgence thanks to yet another The Fast and The Furious sequel, but in 2005, he attempted his parallel film to Kindergarten Cop. From 2005, the Disney family movie The Pacifier, had everything Diesel needed for success.

Oh, except one thing: it wasn’t good, and not even in a so-good-it’s-bad way. Yes, the movie made money, but it’s not something people talk about anymore. This is the kind of movie people watch when they have nothing else to watch. The Pacifier, co-written by Tom Lennon and Robert Ben Garant and directed by Adam Shankman, is about what happens when an ex-Navy Seal has to be a nanny to the children of a government scientist. You guessed it, friends: wackiness does ensue. Despite having people like Lauren Graham and Brad Garrett in supporting roles, The Pacifier was nothing if not a pure embarrassment for everyone involved; what’s more, Diesel doesn’t look like he’s having any fun, whereas Schwarzenegger was able to sell his enthusiasm, real or otherwise.

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

Early on in the 2003 action comedy The Rundown, Arnold Schwarzenegger walks out of a crowded bar, passing Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and saying, “Good luck.” This was seen as a passing of the torch of sorts. It’s unfortunate that Johnson has since gone straight to the part of Schwarzenegger’s career that is Kindergarten Cop, and just repeated himself ever since (this is all a way for me to tell you to watch The Rundown, an extremely underrated action movie). Johnson started out in his career as a charismatic brute, and now plays against that notion in family movies such as The Game Plan, Race to Witch Mountain, and the recent Tooth Fairy. All of these films are sold on the same notion as was Kindergarten Cop: big, tough guy dealing with kids. The premise isn’t really high-concept, even if Johnson’s playing a mythical creature like the Tooth Fairy.

Like Brendan Fraser, though, Johnson has the consistent knack of being charming, even if he’s in a terrible movie. On the merits of The Rundown and his appearances on Saturday Night Live do I give him a pass. He’s not the most trained actor, nor is he the most accomplished. I’d rather see him in action movies, but if he needs to appear in the latest dreck from Disney’s live-action film department, so be it. What would be nice, though, is if he had taken the torch Schwarzenegger metaphorically passed in The Rundown and gone ahead to be the lead in films such as, say, Avatar and Clash of the Titans. Why couldn’t The Rock have replaced Sam Worthington? He’s got all the charm the latter actor’s not in possession of, and in spades. My fingers remain crossed that The Rock will vacate family films, and soon.

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