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8:45 PM Turner Classic Movies
The Deep (1977 USA): After years of pan and scan screenings on Encore and Starz, this mediocre adventure flick finally gets a widescreen airing on TCM. Perhaps its correct aspect ratio will improve The Deep’s tepid tale of treasure hunting in the Bermuda Triangle, but at the very least, a quality cast (including Jacqueline Bisset, Nick Nolte, Eli Wallach, and Robert Shaw) suggests a reappraisal may be in order.

9:00 PM IFC
The Hearse (1981 USA): Trish van Devere inherits a creepy old house in this enjoyable horror romp directed by George Bowers (also responsible for such bad eighties comedies as My Tutor and Private Resort). Trish plays Jane Hardy, whose late aunt has beqeathed her the family homestead. Jane decides moving in will provide the fresh start she needs after a traumatic divorce, but how wrong can a woman be: it turns out auntie was a witch, and who is that strange young man behind the wheel of the mysterious and threatening vehicle of death? Co-starring Joseph Cotton as a grumpy lawyer who thinks he should have inherited the property (why?), The Hearse is a perfect, brainless way to start the weekend.

11:00 PM Turner Classic Movies
Deep End (1970 GB): Gather round, children, and let me tell you a sad story that yet may have a happy ending. Travel back with me through the mists of time to the far-off days of, ahem, January, when Deep End first appeared on TCM. Here’s what I wrote at the time:

“Here it is, folks: the TiVoPlex Movie of the Month. Unless you saw Deep End on its original release or spent the intervening decades tracking down a horrible fuzzy bootleg, you probably haven't seen this rather strange film from Polish expatriate director Jerzy Skolimowski. John Moulder-Brown stars as Mike, a teenage public baths (that's what we call a swimming pool in Britain) attendant in London. Mike is sexually...confused...and spends his time either mooning over the baths' female users or strolling the sleazy streets of Soho. Hello, Raymond Revue Bar! Mike rather fancies fellow employee Susan (charming Jane Asher), but things get a little weird when mature "lady client" Diana Dors starts giving him the eye...and things just get stranger from there. Featuring music by Cat Stevens and Can, Deep End is one of those cinematic head trips so common at the time, but now virtually extinct. Look for Burt Kwouk selling hot dogs!”

As you can tell, I was excited. In fact, I was so excited, I decided to stay up and watch the film as I recorded it! Woo-hoo! Bring on the chips and soda! Yeah, I might be a little sleepy…but this is Deep End, fer chrissakes! I’m not gonna…yawn…miss it. Nope. Oh man, this sofa is comfy. Think I’ll just lie down and close my eyes for a minute. Little nap won’t hurt before the movie starts. Deep End. Can’t wait. Can’t…(cue snoring).

Two and a half hours later, I woke up with a start. I missed the movie! Well, never mind, I recorded it. Didn’t I? I didn’t? I forgot to set the friggin’ timer?

Needless to say, I am excited all over again. But instead of chips and soda, I will be popping No-Doz this evening. That and triple checking to make sure the timer is set.

Saturday 6/26/10

7:30 AM Turner Classic Movies
Master Minds (1949 USA): One of the better Bowery Boys pictures, Master Minds (series entry 16 should you still be keeping track) relates Sach’s (Huntz Hall) sugar overdose, which gives him the power to predict the future. Slip (Leo Gorcey) turns Sach into a carnival attraction, but mad doctor Druzik (a slumming Alan Napier) kidnaps the lad with the intention of swapping his brain into the body of Atlas the Monster (former Frankenstein’s Monster Glenn Strange). Add in Skelton Knaggs, House of Dracula’s Jane Adams (still with us today at 88), and Minerva Urecal, and you have a horror comedy that even Bowery Boys haters might enjoy. Emphasis on ‘might’.

9:00 PM IFC
Antichrist (2009 DEN and the rest of the EEC): I missed Lars von Trier’s latest when it briefly played in theatres earlier this year, but it certainly alienated a lot of folks. Considering von Trier’s past efforts, that’s probably not surprising, but even so…the amount of negative press Antichrist received was impressive. That said, I’m excited to have another opportunity to see bad things happen to Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg…even if that annoying IFC ‘bug’ keeps appearing at the bottom of the screen. C’mon, guys…is it really necessary to repeatedly promote The Whitest Kids U Know during every movie?

Sunday 6/27/10

8:15 AM Turner Classic Movies
Siren of Bagdad (1953 USA): Back when all things Arabian were considered exotic or funny, there were quite a few pictures like this one. Produced independently but released by Columbia, Siren of Bagdad is yet another Arabian Nights-style fantasy comedy, this time featuring Paul Henreid as a magician who rescues slave girls from evil Sultan el Malid (Charles Lung, an actor born in Britain of Chinese parentage). Also along for the orientalist fun: Patricia Medina as the rightful heir to the throne, Hans Conreid as a goofy sidekick, and (in a bit part) occasional Bowery Boy Frankie Darro!

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