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Nothing says the doldrums of summer like a blast of negativity, right? I’ll admit it, living in the dry heat of Arizona can sometimes warp your brain, so to beat the 100-degree temperatures (quick side note: for those complaining of the recent heat wave, let me point out that people in Arizona go through that every summer), it’s time to use this week’s A-List to unleash a bit of well-placed bitterness and scorn. This weekend sees three new releases at the box office: Dinner for Schmucks (a remake of a French comedy), Charlie St. Cloud (based on a novel), and Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore. I would assume that you know your path is clear: if you see a movie this weekend, see Inception. Why not, as opposed to these constant reminders that most Hollywood movies have no originality.

The last film of those three got me thinking about the worst sequels ever. I’ve already done an A-List, almost a year ago, about the most unnecessary sequels ever made, but none of the movies on this list are on that one. A few of them are equally unnecessary, but they stand out as being just awful, some of the worst movies ever brought down the Hollywood system. Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore could be a good movie, but who am I kidding? I’ve got no interest, I’m not likely to see it (maybe it’s because I’m inherently a cat person and don’t like when they’re always vilified in pop culture), and it’s probably not going to stand next to Toy Story 2 & 3, and The Godfather, Part II as one of the best sequels ever. Will it become one of the worst? Let’s get to the A-List and find out its competitors.

Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones

I’ve harbored plenty of vitriol in past A-Lists for the Star Wars prequel, but it’s the second film of the new trilogy, released in May 2002, that draws the most ire. Though Jake Lloyd, as the young Anakin from The Phantom Menace, was a uniquely untalented performer, Hayden Christensen did the unthinkable and be even worse. Attack of the Clones is ostensibly the most romantic film of the series, as we get to see exactly how Anakin Skywalker and Queen Amidala fall in love so they’ll one day have kids named Luke and Leia. So why is Attack of the Clones a terrible sequel? First of all, as unlikely as it is, I’m not sure I want to know how Anakin and Amidala fall in love. They’re attractive, around the same age (though they seem much closer now than in Phantom Menace), and there’s no one else around. That should be it.

What’s worse is that George Lucas decided to take it upon himself (with some help from fellow screenwriter Jonathan Hales) to write some of the worst dialogue ever. “I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything is soft and smooth.” Pick up your jaws from the floor, readers. That’s a real line of dialogue from a modern motion picture. All the money was spent on special effects; none was wasted on making sure the actors said things that made something close to sense. It’s a familiar complaint these days, but rarely do such huge movies fail so miserably at selling the human relationships that occur while explosions go on in the background. The prequel trilogy is misbegotten, but Attack of the Clones is worst of all.

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