New at BOP: Review: Matrix Resurrections Movie Review: Moonfall Movie Reviews: Scream The #1 Movie in America November Forecast The Many Saints of Newark October Forecast New Trivia Question All site updates Share & Save   Tweet Print this column

I am by no means an expert on Box Office. I’ve been reading this site since 2003, and have accumulated a considerable amount of knowledge on how Box Office works, what types of films will be successful, and what even qualifies as successful in the film industry. Though I doubt I’ll ever be as knowledgeable as some of the writers on this site, I certainly know more than the average bear. One thing I definitely know is that 3-D is alive and well, no matter what anybody says. I try to explain this to people, with varying degrees of success. The story I am about to tell you is about one such attempt, and will hopefully provide you with enough information so that you, too, can convince your friends that 3-D isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

Every once in a while, I enjoy inciting racial conflict. Wait, that’s not me, that’s Glen Beck. What I meant to say is that every once in a while, I enjoy posting on comment threads for woefully misguided articles on the Internet. It gives me a chance to flex my brain muscles by poking holes in stupid arguments, and I enjoy reading the vitriol spewed at me by idiots who agree with everything they read without thinking about it. Plus, if you hadn’t picked up on this yet, I enjoy the sense of superiority that comes with knowing more than random people on the Internet. It’s the little things, you know?

So when I found an article titled “Why 3-D is Already Dying,” I cracked my knuckles in the style of a hacker from a bad ‘90s movie, and got prepared to do some enlightening. As I expected, the article was mostly nonsense, because anybody who looks at the numbers will realize that in no way is 3-D dying. I responded, as respectfully as I could, by questioning the writer’s mental capacity, his upbringing, his hygiene, and the sexual orientation of his children. I tried to throw in a few points about his argument in there too.

I figured that would be the end of it, but much to my surprise, within a few hours I received a Facebook message from a fellow named Dustin. Considering I don’t know anybody named Dustin (it’s sort of a silly name, don’t you think?), and the title of the message was “Read that 3D article again,” I realized that this person had found me on Facebook to personally address the arguments I had made. I was almost proud, in addition to being a little creeped out. The message is as follows:

Continued:       1       2       3       4       5