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This past weekend, the world was neither just nor kind: Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (which quickly vaulted close to the top of my favorite films of the year) was not only not the number-one movie at the box office, it barely cracked the top five. Now, of course, it doesn’t really matter where the box office lay for the movie; that Scott Pilgrim got made is an amazing feat, and we can always treasure it on Blu-ray. What did make the top spot? The Expendables, of course. Fairly, it’s no surprise that this guns-ablaze action movie, featuring just about every major action star of the past 30 years (Steven Seagal and Chuck Norris, an apology is surely in the mail), was the most popular at the box office (and will likely repeat this weekend). Americans - especially American males - love their action movies.

And why not? Action movies, at their best, feature death-defying sequences, tough heroes who can throw off a good one-liner, beautiful and busty women, and tons of guns, explosions, and gore. Okay, well, maybe that’s what makes an action movie for you. I have no quarrel with any of those elements, but from what I’ve read of The Expendables (no, I have not seen it and honestly have about zero interest), it’s got that, just that, and don’t you dare expect anything aside from brainless action. This week’s A-List manages to compile five classic action movies with immense quantities of all the elements I mentioned, while also not feeling stupid. A movie with plot holes is fine; a movie that doesn’t care if it has plot holes is not. These action movies aren’t 100% implausible - some are closer to 0% implausible. However, they’re all awesome, they’re all classic, and they last the all-important test of time.

Die Hard

Best action movie ever. This is my pick. Obviously, picking the best of anything is subjective; that said, if you don’t agree that Die Hard is the best action movie ever, you are wrong, wrong, wrong. Yes, if you’re being picky, the women in Die Hard aren’t as ridiculously beautiful (but Bonnie Bedelia was pretty damn attractive) as in some others, but everything else is there. The hero, John McClane, is one of the toughest in film history - he walks and runs on broken glass! He is a master of the one-liner, he’s charming while still being a complete douchebag, and he can take out as many bad guys as his best nemesis, Hans Gruber, throws at him. Not only is Die Hard the best action movie ever, but it’s arguably one of the most influential films of the past 25 years. How often do we hear a movie as being described as Die Hard in a “fill-in-the-blank”?

What makes Die Hard so much better than its many imitators (and its three sequels, all of which are good, but none of which are as good as the original)? Obviously, the real-guy charisma of the film’s lead, Bruce Willis, is key, but more than anything else, we can put a lot of the praise on the shoulders of one Alan Rickman. Hans Gruber is as much an iconic villain as John McClane is an iconic hero. Despite not being German, Rickman seems as oily and rigid as the stereotypical German in film is portrayed. What’s more, despite eventually being foiled, Gruber is a smart guy. Whether it’s him deftly pretending to be an American hostage in the building he’s hijacked or being exasperated at having to order his men to “Shoot the glass!”, Rickman is the MVP of this classic film.

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