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Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt

If there is a star couple of the 21st century, it has to be Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Though these two have only been together since the midpoint of the last decade, while they were filming the bland yet popular spy comedy Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Jolie and Pitt have caught the attention of the entire world. What is it about Brangelina, a name that makes me gag when I use it, that attracts us so? Well, first of all, they’re beautiful. They’re so, so beautiful; they’re more beautiful than you and I will ever be. I know it’s painful, but get over it. They are pretty, and thus, we look at them. As we like shiny things, we like pretty things. Pitt and Jolie had been big stars even before they got together, but their pairing has set the world afire.

As you may have presumed, I wouldn’t say the same about their big film together, Mr. & Mrs. Smith. On the one (shallow) hand, Jolie has never looked more beautiful than in the film - these days, she looks too thin to be truly beautiful, but your mileage may vary. On the other hand, the movie is another variation on the tired gag of marriage stereotypes being used in less expected genres, like spy films. Pitt and Jolie aren’t able to show a lot of chemistry; physically, of course, they match perfectly. But since their relationship is meant to be so frigid for so long, there’s no warmth in their byplay, even when they’ve reunited. These days, what Jolie and Pitt are known for is their humanitarian work and the many, many children they’ve adopted and had naturally. Still, no list about offscreen star couples is full without these two.

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez

Do you remember when Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez were the original combined-name couple? Remember Bennifer? Of course you do. Who doesn’t? Who wants to forget them? All of us. In reality, their impact on film is minimal; aside from a notable music video from Lopez, all Affleck and Lopez did on the silver screen is better off forgotten. One of their two movies was Jersey Girl, Kevin Smith’s first unsuccessful foray into making mainstream, less rowdy films. It’s not as bad as some of Smith’s other films (Cop Out remains his worst, and Kevin, in case you’re reading this, I paid to see it, so my opinion is valid), but it’s the weakest effort from the writer/director. What Affleck and Lopez are most known for, of course, is one of the worst mainstream films of recent years: Gigli.

To hear the name should strike fear in your heart, dear reader. As with Cop Out and Jersey Girl, yes, folks, I have seen this movie. Thankfully, I saw it at a press screening to review it for my college paper, but yeah, I saw it. And yeah, it’s that bad. Is it the worst film ever made? Of course not; no movie could be hyped as such and meet the criticism exactly. But it is uniquely terrible, in that it makes any sane person ask why any studio head would greenlight this movie. In some ways, sure, it’s original. In many ways, it’s contrived, it’s hackneyed, and more. What matters is that the pretty, pretty people at the head of the movie have zero chemistry. None. There is no light, no spark, no nothing. Not everyone can have great chemistry, but for a couple that was so famous to seem bored with each other was a bad omen.

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