The Horrors of Politics

By Tom Houseman

October 31, 2010

We think he lies.

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2. Head of State

What It’s About: Chris Rock plays a Washington, D.C. alderman who is chosen to run for president after the leading candidate of an unnamed party dies. At first Rock tries to play the political game, pretending to be what he thinks the voters want to see and hear, but then he realizes that what the voters really want is someone who tells it like it is, and he proceeds to... God, I don’t even really remember. I haven’t seen this movie in a long time, but I remember him saying lots of stupid things and then getting elected president.

Why It’s Scarily Inaccurate: For so, so many reasons. First of all, they completely ignore the whole primary election process, which is how candidates are actually chosen, rather than being picked off the street by four people in a shiny bus. Secondly, there’s a reason no candidate tells it like it is. Because it doesn’t work! Any number of things Rock’s character says in this film would be torn apart by the media. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that a candidate who chastises working mothers for wanting to work, or who says “If America was a woman, she would be a big-tittied woman. Everybody loves a big-tittied woman!” wouldn’t get elected president.

3. The Contender

What It’s About: Rod Lurie is Aaron Sorkin without subtlety, and here he explores the repercussions of a Democrat president (Jeff Bridges) picking a woman (Joan Allen) to replace the recently deceased Vice President. Of course, an evil Republican senator (Gary Oldman at his most evil) uses the confirmation hearings to launch a full-scale attack by bringing up every skeleton he can find on the candidate's possibly sordid past, including showing some fairly graphic photos. Christian Slater kicks some butt, too. Yay Slater!

Why It’s Scarily Accurate: Because it seems these days that people are more concerned with the insignificant details of politician’s pasts than they are with their ideas for how to run the country. That’s true for both sides of the aisle: I’m sure you’ve heard about the Republican congressional candidate who was photographed dressed as a Nazi during a war reenactment. But can you tell me any of his positions on any issues? No, all anybody knows is that he likes dressing up as Nazi, which not only isn’t accurate (the guy is a history buff! Give him a break!) but is totally irrelevant to how good a congressman he will be.




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4. Man of the Year

What It’s About: Lou Dobbs (Robin Williams) is pretty much John Stewart, and on a whim he decides to run for president. Despite not getting on the ballot in many states and taking every opportunity to treat his campaign like a joke by saying lines that wouldn’t be funny enough to be on the actual Daily Show, Dobbs manages to get elected president. But then it is revealed to him that the new electronic voting machines were rigged by the company that made them, and the movie becomes half bad political satire and half bad thriller.

Why It’s Scarily Inaccurate: Okay, so Laura Linney (continuing to waste her talent) discovers that the computers are so embarrassingly crappy that no matter what data is inputted it will declare the winner based on alphabetical order, so Dobbs beats candidates Mills and Kellogg. This is quite possibly the most ridiculous premise of anything ever, because it assumes that 1) Nobody will think it strange that Dobbs won in states where he was probably woefully behind in the polls; 2) If Dobbs had not run, Kellogg would have won every single state, and that; 3) There are no other third-party candidates. If these machines had been used during the 2008 presidential election, we would currently be living in a country run by Libertarian candidate Bob Barr. I don’t know about you, but I think that’s pretty freaking scary.


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