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And this is supposed to be the funny part. Now acutely aware of her own sexuality, Barbarella adds it to her list of “incomparable talents” and begins using it to manipulate men, women, robots - whatever - into helping her achieve her goals. She’s supposed to transform before our eyes from a doe eyed child into a smart, savvy woman who can hold her own against anything. She’s ostensibly taking ownership of her sexuality and beating a universe accustomed to objectifying women at its own game. The problem is that Barbarella never REALLY grows up. Jane Fonda is without a doubt the best thing about the film and the unskeptical innocence she radiates is actually highly effective. But as far as I can tell, Barbarella’s “incomparable talents” consist of getting captured a lot and falling into bed whenever the ground shakes. She stumbles through her mission like an oblivious little lamb as her mission spontaneously unfolds around her. And rather than distinguishing herself as the true heroine of the story, she just happens to be standing there at the end when it’s all over.

The idea - so far as I can tell - was to explore the evolving role of the independent female in society through a satirical lens. To me that sounds like a great idea, and science fiction is a medium tailor made for that kind of thing. Of course women are just as capable as men are. Of course men have been threatened by this for centuries, subjugating the fairer sex in order to keep them uncompetitive. Of course women have their feminine charms, and with the right combination of cunning and seduction they can make stupid boys do whatever they want. But both the comic AND movie versions of Barbarella were created by men. And when men attempt to empower women through art, they invariably end up objectifying them anyway. Rather than celebrating the emergence of the modern woman, horny young artists usually pull a Weird Science and create the dream girl they can never have - aggressive, slutty and shaped like two balloons tied to a pear.

Ladies, only a woman can tell us what it’s like to be a woman. So, if you don’t like the way you’re depicted in the comics then please, write more of them yourselves. Otherwise, randy teenagers everywhere will continue to think that two square feet of spandex makes for suitable body armor and that all rebellious, attractive women are easy. As it is, the humor behind Barbarella falls flat as our heroine never entirely develops beyond a walking, talking sex doll. The series of events leading up to her confrontation with Durand seem designed not to tell a story but to put Barbarella in random situations where she loses her clothes or ends up the somewhat willing object of someone’s mistreatment. The costume and production design of the film are stellar (for the time), the special effects are surprisingly effective (for the time) and the cast really put their all into the production. But it all revolves around a leggy, impossibly attractive woman willingly submitting herself to abuse while an inappropriately lurid soundtrack hovers over the whole thing like a sadistic, dirty old man.

Simply put - and pardon my bluntness - Barbarella is little more than an extended rape fantasy disguised as an irreverent comedy. I hardly consider the comic to be a work of art either, but at least over time it made a serious attempt to add depth, strength and quality to the character. The film version is merely candy colored soft core porn. And it gets away with this only because the graphic level of smut it implies wasn’t an option in 1968. But Barbarella isn’t completely without merit - there are some interesting sci-fi concepts explored in the film that seem somewhat novel for the time. Among them are the precursor to the “mood slime” seen in Ghostbusters 2, as well as the most unfortunate use of Isaac Asimov’s “positronic” technology that I can recall. Plus, the movie does make a sincere attempt to highlight Barbarella’s inherent kindness and generosity. But any value present here is purely academic. If you’re a casual viewer seeing this film for the first time, it’s hard to imagine you coming away anything other than confused at best, appalled at worst. Save yourself the trouble and get yourself a subscription to Heavy Metal. Your eyes - and your conscience - will thank you.

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