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Welcome to How to Spend $20, BOP’s look at the latest Blu-ray discs and DVDs to hit stores nationwide. This week: Honestly, you may be better served spending your $20 on dinner at Five Guys. Unless you like Hobos armed with shotguns.

For people who want to finance the next atrocity from Uwe Boll: Bloodrayne: The Third Reich

Thus far, Bloodrayne has been an underrated videogame, an abomination of a movie, and a failed television series. Its latest form is a direct-to-DVD release, which is frankly better than the collective works of Dr. Boll deserve. Long time readers of the site know that Boll is anathema to the BOP staff and in fact was openly challenged by our group back when he was in his Boxing Critics phase. Since I’m 6’4” and he’s really, really not, he passed on the invitation to take a savage beating, yet another decision he made that I regret. Spoilers: I would have taken a running jump and stomped on his groin after I knocked him out.

Anyway, Boll continues to find ways to bankroll movies and he also continues to persuade otherwise talented actors into slumming in his projects. This time, the person whose reputation will never recover from this is Natassia Malthe, the villain from the failed Elektra project in 2005. Malthe has become a Boll favorite, starring in the previous Bloodrayne sequel as well as the Alone in the Dark sequel he produced but did not direct. Stating the obvious, Malthe should get as far away from Uwe Boll as possible. If you like her and want to see her portray a vampire, well, maybe she’ll do another movie at some point. For now, you want no part of her effort as Bloodrayne since doing so would be akin to wearing an I Support Uwe Boll t-shirt. And if you do that, we just can’t let you read BOP any more.

For people who find a dozen assassins too few for your wetworks needs: 13 Assassins

Takashi Miike is back and is ordinarily the case with his films, a lot of blood is spilled in the process. I’m still scarred from the first Miike movie I saw, Audition, a tables turning examination of how older men prey upon younger women. A later project of his, Ichi the Killer, is still being protested a full decade after its release. This is representative of just how disturbing his films can be. I seriously cannot hear sounds similar to “kli kli kli” without thinking of Audition, a statement that makes no sense if you haven’t seen the movie. If you have, I probably just made the hairs on your neck stand up and for that, I am sorry.

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