New at BOP: Review: Matrix Resurrections Movie Review: Moonfall Movie Reviews: Scream The #1 Movie in America November Forecast The Many Saints of Newark October Forecast New Trivia Question All site updates Share & Save   Tweet Print this column

Have I mentioned this movie is derivative?

The planet Krull is ruled by the fair Princess Lyssa (Lysette Anthony, whose poodle hair dates the film) and handsome Prince Colwyn (Ken Marshall; so dashing you hardly notice he can’t act), who are about to marry and unite their world against the Slayers. The Prophecy here is that their marriage will secure victory over the Slayers, and their son would one day rule the galaxy. This is bad news for the Slayers, since it puts them out of the picture. And The Beast, of course, is just not down with that. So, can you guess what happens next? That’s right, the Slayers crash the worst defended Royal Wedding in history and completely wreck the joint. Corwyn survives, and Lyssa is captured. Everyone else finds out why Slayers are called Slayers.

Corwyn is discovered by an elderly sage named Ynyr (Freddie Jones). Ynyr is a prickly hermit endowed with mysterious wisdom, who has shunned society on the off chance that he’ll one day be called upon to fulfill an ancient Prophecy. People no doubt once laughed at him for his talk of ancient legends, and for living off the grid like a paranoid freak. Now, those people are all dead. Eager to avoid the same fate, Ynyr reminds Corwyn that it’s unwise to try and fulfill a prophecy without a super-magical weapon.

Thus, they set out to retrieve the mythical “Glaive” from its highly inaccessible and incredibly dangerous mountaintop repose. The Glaive is the only weapon that can defeat The Beast, and the mountain around it is so famously deadly that it doesn’t have a name. I won’t spoil the scene for you, but I will say that if you’ve read The Lord of The Rings, you’ll be tempted to call it Mount Doom.

Have I mentioned this movie is derivative?

Far be it from me to second guess, but based on my analysis of the Slayers’ wedding crashing technique, I see a flaw here. What’s needed here isn’t one guy with a magical metal pinwheel, but a thousand guys with guns. You know, like the kind the Slayers have - the kind that make you look stupid for having a sword. I guess they could have taken the movie in a more original direction, but that would have taken all the Krully goodness out of it.

Continued:       1       2       3