TiVoPlex
By John Seal
January 23, 2012
Saturday 1/28/12
Midnight Fox Movie Channel
The Death of the Incredible Hulk (1990 USA): Hulkamania continues on Fox this early Saturday morning. This time Bruce Banner (Bill Bixby) falls in love with beautiful spy Jasmin (Elizabeth Gracen) whilst continuing his experiments to rid himself of the curse of the Hulk (Lou Ferrigno). She’s in for a shock during that all important first date!
9:00 AM Turner Classic Movies
Safari Drums (1952 USA): Bomba feature number nine features our hero (Johnny Sheffield) crossing vines with wicked moviemakers trying to make a fast buck by shooting some jungle footage. Why, I never - that couldn’t possibly happen in real life, could it? An erupting volcano (not sure if it’s the same one featured in Bomba number three, The Lost Volcano) and some stolen diamonds add to the (relative) excitement, and series regular Smoki Whitfield shows up once again as a superstitious native bearer.
Sunday 1/29/12
1:00 AM Fox Movie Channel
Killer Tomatoes Eat France (1992 USA): My hard drive is screaming "uncle" at this point - this is one busy week in the TiVoPlex! Next up is the fourth (and to date final) chapter of the Killer Tomatoes series, in which the fruit most likely to be mistaken for a vegetable attempt to install Professor Gangreen’s (John Astin) minion Igor (Steve Lundquist) on the (non-existent, but who cares) French throne. If you like the series and enjoy ethnic humor at the expense of the French, you’ll love Killer Tomatoes Eat France.
5:00 PM Turner Classic Movies
The D.I. (1957 USA): The TCM spotlight is on producer-writer-director-wooden actor Jack Webb tonight. First on the schedule is The D.I., in which the emotionless Webb plays a Marine Corps drill instructor whipping young recruits into shape. It’s the first half of Full Metal Jacket without the profanity, which isn’t entirely a bad thing. The D.I. is followed at 7:00 PM by -30- (1959), Webb’s salute to the newspaper trade. For those of you under 40, -30- is the notation typed by a journalist at the bottom of a story to signify "The End." For those of you under 30, a newspaper was something people used to get delivered to their house every day.
Monday 1/30/12
1:30 AM Fox Movie Channel
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes(1978 USA): And just like that, here’s the film that started it all. It’s tremendous fun for those of us who grew up watching black and white science fiction films on the late, late show; others may find it simply baffling. This film used to air a lot on Comedy Central but now arrives sans commercial interruptions on Fox.
9:45 AM HBO Signature
Todo Lo Que Tu Quieras(2010 ESP): Wanna see a Spanish movie about a young girl whose mother dies, and whose father dresses in drag to masquerade as Mum in order to help his daughter adjust? Here ya go.
11:15 PM Showtime
Essential Killing (2010 POL-NOR): Our blockbuster week wearily wends its way to a conclusion with this remarkable feature from veteran director Jerzy Skolimowski. Vincent Gallo, never averse to attempting career suicide, plays a Taliban fighter who kills three American soldiers, gets captured, and gets waterboarded when he doesn’t spill the beans during questioning. Not only that - he doesn’t say a single goddamn word in the whole movie (there is a logic to this that the film explains)! Essential Killing is unlike any other film you’ve ever seen - even Michael Winterbottom’s Road to Guantanamo can’t really compare - and a fitting addition to Gallo’s resume, where it nestles snuggly next to other audience dividers like Freeway II: Confessions of a Trick Baby (1999) and The Brown Bunny (2005).
And with that, I and my extremely full (and tired) hard drive are done for another week!
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