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While all this is going on, over the Wall in Stormhold, the king is on his death bed, trying to pick one of his sons as successor. They're all literally named after the order in which they were born, and they are all introduced in the necessarily painful sort of exposition that can only occur in a fairy tale. Unable to chose between the squabbling siblings, the King conveniently mentions his missing daughter and produces a magic pendant and flings it into the heavens, producing another falling star. He proclaims, with much pretense, that only someone of "royal blood" (ahem) can retrieve the charm. Whosoever does will rule the kingdom.

Off the brothers go, clearly unaware of what has been implied because none of them have ever seen Return of the Jedi. Back in England, Tristan sees the star and offers to retrieve it for Victoria's hand in marriage. Being the shallow bitch she is, she agrees to switch her engagement from Humprey to Mr. Romance if he can make it happen. Unsure of how to accomplish something so absurd, he approaches his father. As you can guess, they have one of those "this is your destiny" conversations that can only happen in a movie.

And that's where the story really begins, and it's not a bad start. I know it sounds like I'm kind of making fun of all this, but that's only because one of Stardust's few flaws is that it takes itself so damned seriously. It's often compared to The Princess Bride and it's a largely apt comparison, other than the fact that The Princess Bride was mercifully self aware, and accepted itself for what it was. Stardust is a similarly derivative fantasy but rather than embrace it, the film spends a little too much time trying to gloss up a simple bedtime story with slick coat of high concept varnish.

It's not that it ruins the film - far from it. Stardust is enjoyable. It's colorful. It's whimsical. And my God, it's got Peter O'Toole AND Ian McKellen in it! How can you NOT take it seriously? And there's much more to the story than the setup I described, even if it is largely cribbed from every other fairy tale ever written. It's just that this is part of the problem for me. This movie is a surprisingly pleasant pastiche of cliché that tries so hard to create its own legend that it completely overlooks the need for narrative focus and depth. I know, I just used the word "depth" to criticize a fairy tale, but I also mentioned "focus". These are two of the hallmarks of great storytelling.

The Princess Bride is memorable not just because the characters possess more depth than the average fairy tale, but the plot is focused and linear, just the way a bedtime story should be. The more the ear hears the same yarn over and over again the more it begins to crave variety - this is how genre is created and legends are truly born. Stardust does a terrific job of stitching together a lot of genre appropriate ideas, but a simple story is scattered by a lack of balance and the concept is thinned by an overabundance of activity masquerading as originality. The characters go through their required archetypal motions rather than live and breathe the way they should. They are approachable on the surface, but you don't really feel anything for them because they're surrounded by noise and filled with air.

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