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That’s good, because up to this point the film is powered entirely by laziness. It’s lazily edited. The dialogue sounds lifted from other scripts. The camera wastes a lot of time lingering on gimmicky (though quite good) effects shots for so long you can smell the money burning, and feel your mind wandering. And during Weir’s expository mission speech, the location abruptly changes for no reason, almost literally mid-sentence. Some of the characters even change clothes. I realize that in most respects, the movie is economizing time and setting a mood. It’s trying to establish a sense of urgency and tone. But since it was done so poorly, it makes the film feel awkwardly self aware - which is the first step toward parody.

It also doesn’t help that our supposedly crack team of experts makes a series of inexplicably dumb mistakes that will clearly haunt them later, along the lines of what you usually see in a low budget horror movie. The first third of the story is just dumb people making dumb decisions designed to put them into a situation where they can get themselves killed off one by one. And that’s exactly why Event Horizon usually loses people early on, because when things finally get interesting, you realize you’re not watching a bad science fiction movie; you’re watching a bad horror movie!

So when an unfortunate series of events leaves the Lewis and Clark stuck right alongside its larger cousin, you don’t exactly find yourself all choked up about it. But the heart of Event Horizon isn’t the Black Hole Drive, it’s the second act. It’s the part of the film where we have a bunch of people trapped in a cabin in the woods except here, the cabin is a derelict starship and the woods are represented by, you know...infinity. It’s a good idea, and luckily Event Horizon has a good cast, great looking sets and (yes, still quite good) special effects with which to carry it out. By the midpoint of the story, when shit finally gets real, you’re riveted, and you begin to regret despising these characters and their plagiaristic little lives.

The middle 30 minutes of Event Horizon remain Paul W.S. Anderson’s best work best work. He knows what to do with a camera in the confines of a lost space ship, and as the story evolves it begins to get in your head. The movie feels like it’s set in a tomb, mirroring some of the things that are happening on screen. Anderson’s point of view is not unlike being inside a videogame, with long, moody cut scenes punctuated by fits of horribleness, as though the movie itself was having a tantrum. This is fitting, because the story shakes itself right apart again near the climax, and the rest plays out like a bunch of outtakes from Hellraiser: Bloodline.

This is a film that spends its first act insulting your intelligence, the second redeeming itself, and the third stabbing you in the back with gimmicks again as soon as you turn around. And it’s unfortunate, because there’s a good story in there somewhere, and it’s a very simple one to tell. Anderson claims that the theatrical version of the movie was not his vision, and I wish he would prove it by releasing a director’s cut. Until that happens, I can’t recommend Event Horizon for anything other than a few cheap scares and a heaping helping of painful lessons.

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