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The music is serious, and Probst is telling the members of Coyopa that they should dip their torches in the fire and that fire represents life and yadda yadda yadda we’ve all heard this before. He of course starts with Rocker, er, "Wetland", who says that this is actually a tough vote because there’s not an obvious choice. No one was terrible in the Immunity Challenge, and no one has been lazy at camp, either. We grudgingly admit that this is a good answer.

Then Probst moves on to Nadiya, who basically says, “We’re voting for the old guy!” He also wonders how Survivor compares to Amazing Race. She tells him that on Amazing Race, they were given precise instructions that they had to follow or risk coming in last place. On Survivor, they’re just put on an island and are told, “Here you go, do whatever!” It’s actually an interesting evaluation that we’d enjoy more if it were coming from the mouths of say, Dave and Connor or the Globetrotters.

Val admits to being stressed, but implies that she may have an idol. We’re not sure anyone’s buying it. When Probst asks Jaclyn if she’s noticed anyone bonding so far, she mentions that the guys all seem close. Probst decides to pick on Dale a little bit, pointing out that old people are usually first to go, but Dale does a great job of reminding his teammates that he’s been instrumental in making camp life better, sacrificing his glasses so that they could have fire quickly.

And through it all, the theme seems to be that everyone really likes Josh. This is really great news for Josh, but he does need to tread carefully here. If people start thinking he’s talking to everyone, they’ll lose trust in him and think he’s double-dealing.

With a final dumb comment from Nadiya (she calls Josh “one of the girls” again), it’s time to vote. When Jeff brings back the urn and asks if anyone has an idol to play, Val plays around with her bag like she might pull something out, but it’s a bluff, of course. We will say that we’d welcome the day that a Survivor found an idol without the audience knowing. It’d be kind of fun to experience that anticipation and shock with the Surivors.

Probst reads the votes. Nadiya. Dale. Baylor (huh?). Dale. Nadiya. Dale. Nadiya. Nadiya. Nadiya. And it’s the best possible result for episode one as we’ve got one down, two to go. C’mon, Survivor. Let’s make it 1-2-3.

So long, Nadiya. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, “girlfriend.”

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