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So because he’s such a noble guy, Angelo takes his work underground. He hopes to prove to EvilCorp that his experiments can benefit human subjects, enhancing their minds without all the pesky homicidal side effects. But he's unable to find a suitable patient, and spirals into alcoholism and depression. This compels his wife to bail out - but her only purpose in the story was clearly to do just that, so it hardly feels like a loss. Eventually Angelo focuses on his groundskeeper, a strange, but loveable schlub named Jobe (Jeff Fahey). Jobe is mentally disabled in the inoffensive, non-specific way people usually are in Hollywood films. As a result, he’s routinely tormented by several supporting characters in very predictive ways. They include a cruel pastor (Jeremy Slate), a sadistic gas station attendant (John Laughlin), and a cartoonishly spectacular alcoholic (Ray Lykins) who loudly beats his wife and son right next door to Angelo.

Jobe is promised that after a short series of treatments he’ll be “smart”, and that none of these people will be able to take advantage of him anymore. Angelo develops the kind of fondness for Jobe one might have for a rhododendron - you’re glad it’s around, and if it were gone you’d be sad - briefly - but then you’d just go out and find another one. Initially, poor Jobe is just a means for Angelo to indulge his scientific obsessions. And when the experiment becomes a success Angelo’s superiors are impressed. But when Jobe begins to exhibit some unintended side effects, Angelo begins to feel genuinely protective of him. And when EvilCorp decides to take certain liberties with Jobe's development, the good doctor is forced to make some hard choices.

I’d be lying if I tried to say The Lawnmower man didn’t intrigue me - at first. It’s never made clear exactly WHAT Angelo is doing to Jobe. It appears to be little more than showing him some flashy Wing Commander era CGI and giving him injections of grape Kool-Aid. But for a while it’s intriguing to wonder how a man whose IQ barely exceeded his shoe size would adapt to suddenly being able to learn Latin in two hours. Would it be a great experience or would it be confusing and terrifying? Would the memory of his previous state give him any insight into his new abilities? Would it enhance or hinder his capacity to show mercy to those who were cruel to him? Would he be misunderstood and looked upon with suspicion, or would he be hailed as a miracle? These are fascinating questions, and I wish I could say the movie addressed any of them before going one hundred percent Murder-Monkey insane.

What could have been an interesting, modern day take on something like Flowers for Algernon instead turns into a bastard premonition of Revenge of the Sith. Whatever shred of compelling story there was quickly devolves into a bonkers dog and pony show engorged with apocalyptic pretense, stupid cliché and luridly excessive computer animation. Apparently computers are freaking magic - and exposing yourself to them for too long will give you insane magical space-powers that allow you to do insane magical space-things. So, stay away from them. I guess. I’m not sure what the hell I was supposed to take away from The Lawnmower Man, unless it was a headache. Or perhaps the experience of seeing Pierce Brosnan's career tarnished even more so than by those awful Bond movies he would later make.

I'm not even going to criticize the dated looking special effects. Who cares? In 20 years Avatar will probably look stupid. The Lawnmower Man's entire concept was dated, right out of the box. Every word of dialogue is out of touch with reality, virtual or otherwise. It’s daft almost to the point of being Reefer Madness for the digital age. My guess is that Brett Leonard spent a few minutes in a virtual reality booth at the CES show in 1990 and was determined to be the first person to make a disastrously deranged film about it. And now that virtual reality is making a comeback, I’m sure The Lawnmower Man and the technology that inspired it will find itself a new generation of interested takers. Personally, I can’t see myself ever forgetting I’m just sitting in a chair wearing a pair of goggles.

But I’ll make you a deal - if Oculus Rift takes over the world and we’re all trapped in The Matrix a decade from now, I will request a feeding pod next door to Brett Leonard so I can personally apologize to as the hive mind harvests our bodies for energy.

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