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Of course, Nada makes the acquaintance of a random beautiful woman named Holly (Meg Foster, whose acting style I can only describe as “mannequin-esque”). Holly really has nothing to do with the story, she’s just there to be the pretty face all action movies seem to need. Holly and Nada start off rocky, and for just a moment it looks like we’re going to get the first interesting twist of the film. But eventually, Holly ends up being just another useless ‘80s Action Flick Chick. And speaking of action, the biggest issue I have with They Live is that there’s so damn little of it. Yes there are a handful of action sequences, but they’re so spread out and over the top that they don’t feel natural. What few moments of true dread, danger or excitement there are don’t fit well into the context of the story, and feel more like an attempt to liven up what was starting to look like a really dull movie.

I could excuse most of these shortcomings if I thought this movie was a straight satire. But despite some intentionally corny visual effects, and a few moments of clever self-referential wit, They Live seems to take itself pretty seriously. It starts with nearly 10 minutes of glaring pretense, followed by 20 minutes of genuinely interesting build up, bogs down in the middle with what feels like hours of poorly paced exposition dialed back to C-SPAN levels of dullness. It saves all its energy for an ending that, while admittedly action packed, still hardly feels worthy of all the buildup.

They Live urgently asks a lot of interesting questions, and then just drops the subject entirely. What becomes of a society when it gives up trying to better itself? Are the driven among us just destined to rule over the ones who aren’t? Is it ever okay to sell out your personal liberties for a larger cause? Is it wrong not to want more from life once your basic needs are met? If not, what’s the point in even fearing death? Wow! That’s a lot of super deep thinking! Too bad we spend approximately zero time whatsoever exploring any of that, and after the movie goes through all that trouble to curb stomp it into you! Instead of the clever social commentary you thought you were going to get, They Live just kind of turns into a bad Lethal Weapon knockoff filmed for less than what it would cost to buy a dumpster full of kilts.

To be fair, Roddy Piper did show some potential as an action hero. He lacked Sly’s intensity and Arnold’s winking self-awareness, and God knows he was no Kurt Russell, that’s for damn sure. But he acquitted himself well in They Live, and had the film been more successful, maybe he would have had a chance to stretch his legs and develop his own unique style. So, while the jury is out on him as an actor, I give Piper credit for improvising the best line in the movie, which was recycled for one of the best video games of the 1990s, which helped make me the attention deficient, socially awkward person I am today. Thanks, Roddy. I couldn’t have done it without you.

Rest in peace, my rowdy friend.

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