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Unless you’ve lived under a rock the last few months, you know that all-female cast remakes of insanely popular movies from Ghostbusters to Ocean’s Eleven have angered many a fanboy on the web. I must admit, I’m not one to advocate remakes - of any kind - though I’m not sure why remakes motivated by the “all female cast” trope have to be hated on any more than, say, remakes motivated by desires to do “with zombies” adaptation, or simply with a new actor. And, as the Ghostbusters movie showed, at least to me, there can be value to extract from a different perspective. And, in any case, this is just hypothetical fun and games so keep your pitchforks and torches to yourself.

That said, the possibilities are endless. My only rule here is that the movie has to have originally focused on male character or characters. If there is a female lead, such as in a romantic comedy, then let’s leave those to the side. And of course if you’ve been reading you know there is no dearth of these films. Movies about cops and robbers, for example, are mostly male dominated. The other point of today’s column is to try to think of some of the potential plot lines and casting for these reboots.

Given that there are so many options, I’d love to hear your thoughts on
twitter.

5. Any James Bond Film

The rumors of Idris Elba as potentially the first black James Bond have not generated as much hate as the Ghostbusters or Ocean Eleven’s remakes have, but I bet that would change quickly of Hollywood announced the arrival of Jasmine Bond.

I’m going to resist the urge to name Angelina Jolie as the obvious casting choice for all action movies that I may discuss today, but lord help me, I can’t resist it for this one. Is there a badder ass actress prepared for this role? She’s already carried many action movies on her own (Salt, Lara Croft, Wanted, to name just a handful). She definitely has the sexy looks. I’m sure she can pull of a British accent, right?

In the first movie, The Woman With the Golden Gun, Jasmine faces off with an evil and vengeful maniac who wants to rid the world of both Bond as well as civility, by bombing its male inhabitants out of existence. The rest I’ll leave to your imagination, but let’s just say that at the very least we want Chris Hemsworth and Chris Evans to moonlight as Bond’s lovers, some of whom die untimely deaths and some of whom are treacherous and vile.

4. American Psycho (2001)

You thought Patrick Bateman was sick? Wait until you see what Patricia Bateman, his long lost evil sister, played by Charlize Theron, does to men’s nether regions.

Patricia is a sick mix between the character from the original film and the sleazy Katherine Merteuil of Cruel Intentions origin. She’s sick of being treated like a schoolgirl by the preppy society of New York’s Upper West Side. She’s a partner at a litigation law firm, and she’s sick of having to act nice while being a big b!tch to get ahead.

In revenge, she goes on a killing spree that includes some of her friends and their lovers’, and that covers all sorts of gruesome killing methods from being pick-axed, to poisonous apples (a Charlize specialty in other films).

Patricia doesn’t keep her victims’ heads in a freezer like Bale’s character did, but she does keep…ahem…other parts. And while she does occasionally sink down to calling on gigolos to find new victims, being a modern woman in Manhattan, there is nothing a Chinese food delivery boy can’t moonlight as…

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