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The most notable exception is the Plastics, a trio of imperious social succubi consisting of mildly ditzy Karen (Seyfried), acutely vapid Gretchen (Chabert), and reigning Bitch Queen Regina George (McAdams). The Plastics rule the school, as it is said, in a way reminiscent of that one movie where Christian Slater and Winona Ryder tried to murder all their classmates.

The second most notable exception is Goth Girl Janis (Kaplan) and her openly gay best friend Damien (Daniel Franzese). As self described outcasts, they take an immediate shine to Cady when they observe the rest of the class openly shunning her. For her part Cady is an honest, friendly, responsible girl who always follows the rules and loves math “because it’s the same in every country.” I’m fairly certain those qualities didn’t win you any more friends in 2004 than they did when I was in school.

Janis and Damien take Cady under their tutelage, and manage to suitably prepare her for the day when Regina unexpectedly takes an interest in the naive newcomer. Unfortunately Janis has a very personal beef with Regina, and attempts to enlist Cady in her plans for revenge. But at the same time, Cady is nursing a crush on Regina’s ex-boyfriend Aaron (Jonathan Bennett, whose crow’s feet make him look like the world’s oldest 11th grader), and the Bitch Queen is none too happy about it when she finds out.

In retaliation, Regina attempts to ensnare poor Cady in an emotionally bottomless scheme of her own. Things don’t go quite as planned. Hilarity ensues, along with the learning of Valuable Life Lessons.

Does that sound like high school? As I recall, when boys that age had a disagreement, they simply met by the flagpole after school and punched each other in the face until one of them fell over. Meanwhile, I seem to recall girls who got that angry often getting supremely horrible. With it being unseemly to fistfight, the Fairer Sex might choose to play devastating mind games with one another instead. I’ve been punched in the face, and I’ve witnessed a Three-Way Calling attack firsthand. I can tell you which one hurt the recipient more.

That is some next level tactical bullshit, right there.

I’m going on a limb to say that Tina Fey was probably on the receiving end of some of that, and as always, it informs her wit. Mean Girls has a little fun with itself and flips the script a bit about halfway through. That’s not to say it doesn’t end up more or less where you think it will, but let’s just say that the journey there resonates a bit better than it usually does in a film of this type. It’s funny, clever, charming, heartwarming, nostalgic, and ever so slightly politically incorrect that I’m not sure you could remake it as-is today.

Not that the film does anything wrong. We just live in a time where rather than become a cult favorite, all the wonderful things about Mean Girls might have been boycotted of existence over the word “retard” being uttered eleven minutes in. Of greater concern to me is how the ending of the film nearly overreaches in order to make its point, but come on. At the end of the day you’d have to be some sort of monster not to come away from Mean Girls anything less than “mildly beguiled”, if not “charmed” or straight-up “delighted” by the experience.

This being my third viewing, I’m happy to say that Mean Girls retains its place in the Viking Night Top 25 with no change in position. My only real regret remains the fact that a Mean Girls vs. Heathers crossover comic still does not exist.

Guess I’d better learn to draw.

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