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Welcome to Trailer Hitch, BOP's look at the latest movie trailers to hit the Internet. This week: An indie drama with Alec Baldwin is the lone good one. The rest are utter failures.

Miss March – Opens Friday

Miss March reminds me of something the Scary Movie people might put out. (And you should already be familiar with how I feel about them). The jokes here are just super lame. There's also way too much reliance on physical comedy. We've got people falling down stairs, people getting sprayed by a fire hose, people running into parked cars, people driving into telephone poles. Why these stunts are consistently inserted into screenplays and then adapted for the screen is anyone's guess. All's I know is I don't find them amusing.

A trailer this terrible doesn't deserve a full summary. But to at least honor the style of the column, I'll say it's about a guy whose quest is to make it to the Playboy Mansion. There, he hopes to reconnect with his high school girlfriend, who's a Playmate there. The kicker is he hadn't been aware of her career choice until now because he's been in a coma for the past few years. Har har.

Grade: F
Also expected to be released on this date: Race to Witch Mountain, The Last House on the Left, Sunshine Cleaning, Brothers at War, Tokyo Sonata, Carmen and Geoffrey, Severed Ways: The Norse Discovery of America, Z

Lymelife – Opens April 8th (NY), April 17th (LA)

Lyme disease seems like something that the creative minds behind NBC's 30 Rock are destined to use as a plot device. But lo, Derick and Steven Martini beat them to the punch, and stole the series' lead star, Alec Baldwin, to boot. Here, the funnyman plays Mickey Bartlett, the patriarch of a dysfunctional family who hires the wife (Nixon) of a Lyme disease-ridden man to get closer to her. At the same time, the families' offspring try taking their friendship to the next level.

There's a couple things I love here, besides the trailer. Bad Company's "Feel Like Makin' Love" is the PERFECT song for the movie's preview. Solid, solid choice. The film's title is also equally fantastic. I'm kinda hoping Lymelife, winning of the coveted International Critic's Award, can break out.

Grade: A
Also expected to be released on this date: Dragonball: Evolution

The Limits of Control – Opens May 22nd

There's a bunch of craziness going on in the trailer to Jim Jarmusch's The Limits of Control. For one, it's a drama starring Bill Murray. And not in the way that Lost in Translation or Broken Flowers were dramas. Those at least had some comedy in them. The Limits of Control appears to have none of that. Next, Tilda Swinton decked out in light colors and blond hair looks like some kind of lesbian cowboy character. It's not a good look for her.

But most importantly, the trailer doesn't make a lick of sense. Granted I'm writing this rather late in the day and am slowing losing necessary brainpower with each sentence I type. Even so, I watched the trailer a couple times, couldn't get what Focus Features was trying to sell to me and just gave up entirely. Fail.

Jarmusch's last movie, 2005's Broken Flowers, was an easy sell. Now THAT movie you could summarize in just a few words. The Limits of Control, on the other hand, is more complicated. However, a little bit too complicated. Other cast members include Isaach De Bankolé and Gael García Bernal.

Grade: D
Also expected to be released on this date: Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian, Dance Flick, Easy Virtue

Public Enemies – Opens July 1st

Good god, show us the entire movie why don't ya! Johnny Depp robs banks. Christian Bale is out to get him. Depp ends up in jail. Bale threatens that he'll execute Depp if they ever let him out. And...you're all caught up. Directed by Michael Mann, Public Enemies is based on the book by Bryan Burroughs, titled Public Enemies: America's Greatest Crime Wave and the Birth of the FBI, 1933–34. Universal did the honorable thing in significantly shortening the story's original name.

Even with the stellar cast – Depp, Bale and recently Oscar-christened Marion Cotillard – I'm not particularly thrilled about the project. Set during the Great Depression, and based on a true story, FBI agent Melvin Purvis (Bale) feasts his eyes on American baddy John Dillinger (Depp) and others in his attempt to curb crime in Chicago. The action is fairly typical and dialogue rather dry. I wouldn't be surprised if I forgot about this one by noontime tomorrow.

Grade: C
Also expected to be released on this date: Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs

Pandorum – Opens September 4th

An easy way to remember this one? It's basically The Bourne Identity in space. The thriller stars Dennis Quaid and Ben Foster as two crewmembers who wake up on an abandoned spacecraft without an idea of who they are and what they're doing there. They don't know how long they've been asleep or what they're suppose to be doing or even looking for. Oh, and their eventual discovery about themselves threatens the survival of mankind.

The synopsis sounded half intriguing, but one look at the trailer made me realize I shouldn't even bother. I've come to realize that Quaid is apparently happy in continuing to make bad life choices as of late. We're working with Vantage Point, American Dreamz, Yours, Mine and Ours, among others. Strictly based on the trailer, I suggest checking out his new movie – the Se7en-like Horsemen – over this thing.

Grade: D
Also expected to be released on this date: Shanghai