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So, here we are again after the near-elimination of Kenny in the Cold War challenge. The episode starts with Kenny still b*tching about how his presence in the bottom two was nothing more than the result of other chefs feeling “threatened” by him. Yeah, well, according to Tom Colicchio’s blog, your dish was pretty darn bad and you should just feel lucky that Tamesha turned in a worse dish than yours.

Speaking of Tamesha, Hot-But-Apparently-Straight Angelo is still grieving her loss. He misses her supple boobs. Cause he’s not gay.

And speaking of “not gay,” the chefs enter the Top Chef kitchen and find Mr. Hot Abs himself, Congressman Aaron Schock. The youngest member of Congress and clearly the hottest (just Google “Aaron Schock abs” and you’ll see what I’m talking about...for even more fun, Google “Aaron Schock gay belt” and you’ll find just one example of why people doubt his heterosexuality), this Hot-But-Apparently-Straight politician is here to talk about ethics.

You may have heard that lobbyists have a little bit of power in government. Just a little. Well, don’t you worry, because politicians have taken steps to ensure that no lobbyist exerts undue influence over any politician. Nope, there won’t be any lavish meals served up in the hopes of winning votes, because in Washington, D.C., any catered food must be served on toothpicks.

So, in the spirit of this restriction, the cheftestants must cook a delicious hors d’oeuvre for their Quickfire Challenge. It should deliver the punch of a full dish, but in a small morsel. Oh yeah, and this is a High Stakes Quickfire, with the winner receiving $20,000. I can’t quite explain it, but giving a $20,000 reward for making the best non-politician-influencing menu item just feels ironic to me.

With a mere 30 minutes to cook, the cheftestants race (in totally dangerous fashion) to the fridge to find whatever proteins they can. Kelly just focuses on making something that’ll stick to the toothpick. Stephen is supremely confident that he can win this challenge (has anyone else noticed that Stephen is always confident heading into every challenge?). Tiffany feels like she’s in her comfort zone, Amanda has no ideas in her head, Ed is having a hard time conceptualizing his dish. It’s a little rough.

The one dish that’s standing out to me is Andrea’s buttermilk fried chicken on a buttermilk waffle. It sounds great and looks like an amazing bite of food.

Alas, she’s neither in the top nor the bottom. Hot-But-Apparently-Straight Congressman Schock judges the bottom to be Alex (scallops with crispy bacon, too many flavors going on), Ed (his two styles of tuna looked better than it tasted), and Kelly (her scallop with watermelon lacked flavor).

As for the good news, Kevin served up a grilled pork kabob that stayed on Schock’s mind. Angelo’s cucumber cup with spiced shrimp was “like fireworks in my mouth” (which is Inadvertent Gay Pun #1 from Schock). Stephen had a scallop and beef with crispy potato, which, according to Schock, “had a lot on that stick” (aaaaand, Gay Pun #2).

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