Elf Off the Shelf, 2016: Days 17-25
By Daron Aldridge
December 25, 2016
The Elf on the Shelf phenomenon continues to steamroll the Christmas consciousness. If you have somehow escaped this trend, here's how it works: Your family buys the Elf on the Shelf and all through December, he moves around the house after the kids go to bed. He serves always as the eyes and ears of Santa, and then flies home to the North Pole every night to report. He's a Christmas surveillance drone, if you will.
For the fifth year, the Elf is not content with merely hanging out on some shelf or mantle. He's once again taken a liking to not just invading your homes but well-known movie posters. Now, he returns as an Elf Off the Shelf.
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Day 17: The Elf has decided to party like it's 1985. Moonlighting as a wedding singer seems viable but I suspect his repertoire mainly consists of Christmas carols.
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Day 18: Elf-ol Flynn trots off into Sherwood Forest as Robin Hood and robs from the rich and gives gifts to the poor this Christmas.
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Day 19: For this 19th day, the Elf decides to make a side trip to Pandora on the way back to the North Pole. Every year is a Blue Christmas for the Na'vi.
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Day 20: "I seek righteousness but I'll take revenge." Moonlighting as a bounty hunter/gun for hire might contrast with the values that Santa has for his elves but the Elf has to adapt to the ways of the Old West.
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Day 21: "I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career...or repair anything sold, bought, or processed." Maybe that's the line that the Elf used on Santa in his interview to be a scout elf.
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Day 22: I wonder if the Elf was helping deliver the red flower that was at the top of King Louie's wish list. Doubtful, since the primate monarch is likely on the naughty list.
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Day 23: "Elf Loves You, Beth Cooper." Even elves can't escape awkward teenage years and the impulse to reveal unrequited love in a public setting that would really only happen in the movies. Thanks to Tony Kollath for this suggestion.
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Day 24: Don't get caught monologue-ing like Samuel L. Jackson, Elf. And you may want to consider another route to the North Pole not through the Deep Blue Sea.
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Day 25: Christmas is all about "Love Actually" so it's a perfect place for the Elf to end up this year's batch of Elf Off the Shelf. And as a tribute, he assumes the role of the practically elfin Rowan Atkinson and the late great Alan Rickman.
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