Trailer Hitch
By Zach Kolkin
July 4, 2005
Welcome to Trailer Hitch, your weekly look at the latest movie trailers to hit the internet. After the big-time excitement surrounding last week's King Kong preview, we're left with a number of ads for some smaller films coming to theaters this summer and fall, as well as the latest trailer for Michael Bay's would-be blockbuster, The Island. Keep reading to see which preview is our Trailer of the Week.
Who ever thought this was a good idea for a movie?
Into the Blue
I think I can sum this movie up in four words: Sharks. Treasure. Guns. Bikinis. That's pretty much all I got out of the trailer, anyway. Apparently there's a plot here involving illegal cargo at the bottom of the ocean, but I'll be damned if I could tell what was going on. The preview does a pretty atrocious job of...well, previewing the flick. Instead, we are treated to a series of shots of the aforementioned S, T, G, and B played at a seizure-inducing rate. I know Jessica Alba and Paul Walker star, and I can only presume they appear in their bathing suits for the entirety of the film, because that's certainly all I saw them in here. While I'd like to think most people will be turned off by the formulaic story semi-introduced here, it's much more likely that those intrigued by Into the Blue will be drawn in by any or all of the four entities which – unlike a plot – are on full display here.
Big Momma's House 2
The latest entrant into the competition of "Sequel Fewest People Were Clamoring For" is Big Momma's House 2, the follow-up to the 2000 film starring Martin Lawrence. Lawrence is back here too, with the story apparently moving this time to Orange County, where Lawrence must dress up as an obese woman in order to protect the something from the someone (naturally). The main problem with this teaser (besides the fact that this is an inane idea for a movie) is that it just isn't funny. The clip features Lawrence, disguised in his fat suit, running up a beach and making lewd comments to women in bikinis. How far can one take this joke? Considering the fact that it doesn't even stay funny for 60 seconds here, I wonder how it will last for an entire feature-length film. I don't plan on paying $10 to find out.
Can you ever just be, like, whelmed?
Cronicas
It happens with every avant-garde trend: after an initial wave of overwhelming success, a number of imposers attempt to capitalize on this success, eventually bringing the entire style down. Is Latin American "new wave" cinema, after its initial success stories, headed in the same direction? I certainly don't know, but I don't think it's a very good sign that these were the thoughts that came to mind as I watched the trailer for Cronicas, directed by Sebastian Cordero, who as the clip makes painfully (and suspiciously) obvious, intends to be classified in the same group as Pedro Almodovar and Fernando Meirelles. Watching the preview, it's somewhat difficult to see Cronicas as anything other than a fairly standard thriller that just so happens to be directed by an Ecuadorian. Indeed, when the one noticeable moment of stylishness comes in the film's computer graphics-esque presentation of its subtitles, you have to wonder whether the picture truly deserves to be mentioned in the same breath as works like City of God or Talk to Her. Again, I really don't know the answer to this question. The fact that I'm posing it after watching the trailer, however, does not bode well.
The Island (Trailer 3)
The more I see of this film, the more derivative it looks. This preview is not that different from those that have preceded it, although I did find it to be noticeably more action-oriented, as well as focusing even more heavily on the movie's humorous side. Consequently, Steve Buscemi's supporting character, who is apparently king of the bad jokes, is placed squarely in the spotlight of the second half of the trailer. Clearly, the movie is not concerned with guarding its plot; it seems that the entire storyline has already been conveniently presented here, just so one won't be confused as to what kind of experience he or she is getting themselves into upon forking over their ten bucks for a ticket. As I mentioned in a review of one of the film's previous ads, Ewan McGregor might be the one saving grace for this film, but even my hopes of that happy outcome are quickly diminishing with each additional car crash and big explosion. Scarlett Johansson seems to be little more than a pretty face here; other than a couple damsel-in-distress screams, I can't recall a single line of dialogue of hers in this trailer. Any time a movie trailer purposely downplays its award-winning cast, you can't help but wonder what exactly the intended message is. "Don't worry, no one's trying to win any awards here," perhaps.
On the Outs
For a film with so many film festival accolades, I was expecting to be a lot more impressed by this trailer than I actually was. There is almost no plot exposition here, and after seeing the clip I certainly had no better of an idea of what the film was about than I did before watching it. Rather than setting up a story, the preview chooses to show a number of short scenes, none of which seem to fit in with each other in any discernable way. Perhaps this is simply the type of film which a ninety-second ad cannot easily sum up; regardless, I would have still liked to have been given some clue as to the movie's plotline. On the bright side, the trailer does capture the picture's tough inner-city mood brilliantly: it's quite clear that, however fictional the story is, it is based on real and inspired by real experiences. Given its critical praise, I have to think that there is more to On the Outs than what is on display here; I wish, however, that the trailer sold the film in a clearer and more engaging fashion.
Steve and Sky
This German film appears to be a slightly twisted romantic comedy, telling the story of a prostitute and a reformed crook who fall in – well, maybe not love, but at least lust. I wasn't overly impressed with this trailer – there's some hard rock music, a few meaningful glances, and a number of flashes of skin. Maybe it's due to the fact that the film is in a foreign language, but I really didn't feel any chemistry between the two lead actors – obviously a key component of any on-screen romance. If there is a deeper story here than simply two young people falling for each other, it certainly isn't visible in this preview. It's somewhat difficult to discern who exactly Steve and Sky is trying to market itself to – foreign film buffs might think this seems a little too mainstream, while younger moviegoers might find the necessity of subtitles off-putting. A significantly more engaging trailer would have gone a long way in selling this film.
OK, I'm intrigued
The Aristocrats (Trailer of the Week)
Part of the fun in watching this trailer is imagining the thought process of its creators as they spliced film footage together. "What the hell are we supposed to show in a preview ‘approved for all audiences'?" they must have thought to themselves. "This movie exists precisely because it's approved for practically no audience!" Nevertheless, they managed to find about 30 predominantly profanity-free seconds to include here: just enough to allow the audience to draw their own conclusions as to how dirty this film really is, while at the same time placating the MPAA. The result is indeed quite funny, at least to me. I'm not sure, however, how much my enjoyment of this trailer is due to the fact that I have already heard a great deal of buzz about the film. For those who watch the clip uninformed, it might seem like one big inside joke (which, in a way, I suppose it is). Still, the presence of so many funny people – not to mention the hint of so much ribaldry – all in one 90-second spot is sure to grab the attention of a significant number of people. On its hysterical potential alone, The Aristocrats is our Trailer of the Week.
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