10) Stuck on You (December 12th)

Oh, those Farrellys. Nothing is too outlandish, nothing is too sensitive, nothing is too gross that they won't have a go at making a film about it.

Which brings us to Stuck on You. The subject this time out is Siamese twins, played by Greg Kinnear and Matt Damon, who are literally joined at the hip. They have been blessed with extraordinary talent, and been raised to feel they can do anything they want, and so have lived something approaching normal lives. But when Walt (Kinnear) decides to pursue his life-long dream of becoming an actor, he drags a reluctant Bob (Damon) along, and things get really complicated when Walt begins his rise to stardom.

Given this is the Farrellys, the premise seems like nothing so much as an excuse for a lot of bodily-function jokes. But the trailers tell a different story; the film seems more focused on the relationship between the twins and how their changing circumstances impact what had been as close an emotional bond as the physical one they share. Don't get me wrong; there's certainly going to be a surfeit of physical comedy, but the tone seems somewhat more gentle than what might be expected, given the premise. And Kinnear and Damon have an easy-going on-screen chemistry that is very appealing, not to mention that both have the comic chops to pull off the slapstick and the subtlety to pull off the gentler humor.

In all, Stuck on You seems a maturing, if you will, of the comedy of the Farrelly Brothers, and quite a pleasant little comedy diversion from the more serious fall fare. Now if we could only get that damned Lionel Ritchie song out of our heads.

9) Master and Commander (November 14th)

It's a great time to be nautical. Maritime cinema is all the rage after Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl single-handedly made seasickness cool again. Since this is Hollywood, any time a project is greenlighted, several similarly-themed ideas are thrown into the queue, and for the proof of this, look no further than amateur pugilist Russell Crowe's latest outing. Based on the popular series of books from author Patrick O'Brian, Master and Commander will follow the adventures of the HMS Surprise and its crew as they chase down a French frigate (fun word!) known as the Acheron.

Crowe will be portraying Captain Jack Aubrey, a man who will much more closely resemble Sean Connery's Marko Ramius than a certain Johnny Depp character. In fact, that's the central concern we have about the project at this point. Master and Commander looks like Pirates of the Caribbean without the spirit, vigor and elation. We are hopeful that this is a problem on the Fox marketing department's end rather than with the production itself though. After all, A Beautiful Mind was mocked without mercy when the advertising campaign started, but Universal had the last laugh on Oscar Sunday. Master and Commander was specifically pushed from the summer schedule in order to increase its chances for end-of-year awards consideration. It's our expectation that's a much better indicator of the film's quality than the footage shown thus far. If not, at least we'll finally have that cure for insomnia we've been looking for.

8) Brother Bear (November 1st)

Disney dips its paw in the waters of 2-D animation for the second-to-last time (Home on the Range will be their final traditional film) with the lushly-drawn Brother Bear. Again taking on the Lion King-esque theme of the circle of life, this newest Disney offering looks to capture all of the elements that have made the studio's animated films such a timeless fixture in our culture. We'll forgive them for allowing Phil Collins to again lend his musical talents since that faux pas is counterbalanced by the inclusion of what appears to be the greatest comic relief duo since Timon and Pumbaa. Tuke and Ruke, a pair of Canadian moose, have been nearly ubiquitous over the past few months and for good reason. They're funny for kids, but the deeper joke is that the voice actors who portray them are Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas, the same guys who infiltrated pop culture in the early '80s with their SCTV characters Bob and Doug MacKenzie. It's a brilliant choice of casting that helps to ensure that the movie has appeal for both the kiddies and adults.

7) Elf (November 7th)

The family holiday film season swings into high gear with this Will Ferrell comedy, which finds the former SNL star playing a human named Buddy who was raised by Santa's elves. Once Buddy reaches adulthood, it becomes apparent to his foster father (Bob Newhart) that Buddy no longer fits, both literally and figuratively, in his adopted world, and so the man-elf is sent back to his birth family in New York. Only problem is, the naif's birth father is none other than Jimmy Caan, so Buddy must deal with the twin problems of being the proverbial fish-out-of-water and the son of Jimmy Caan. Hilarity will no doubt ensue.

Some of us came late to the Will Ferrell Appreciation Party, initially finding him to be simply one of the louder and more obnoxious members of an SNL cast that seemed to have an abundance of loud, obnoxious, unfunny members. But that opinion began to change after Ferrell's turn in Zoolander, and his role in Old School cemented Ferrell as a comic who can not only bring the physical shtick, but also understands that some of the best comedy is born out of pathos. Elf offers ample opportunity for Ferrell to explore both sides of this humor conundrum, and all the layers in between. And given the slapstick that will go along with the heartwarming, Elf is positioned to not only play well with the kiddies, but keep the adults from being bored out of their skulls, making this a family-outing film rather than a drop-off-the-young'uns entry. Should Elf prove to be as engaging as the trailers make it seem, New Line might just have itself a nice little present for the 2003 ledgers, and a new holiday favorite in the offing.

6) Cold Mountain (December 25th)

Oscar domination, thy name is Weinstein. And thou hast the ego to prove it. BOP has decided to ignore your stubborn refusal to release Shaolin Soccer and Hero (I'm sure they're coming in 2004 because you double dog dare promised this time) long enough to celebrate the release of the odds-on favorite for Best Picture right now, Cold Mountain. Based upon the National Book Award winner of the same name, this Nicole Kidman/Renée Zellweger/Natalie Portman Civil War epic follows the lives of several women dealing with the repercussions of Reconstruction. It also looks at the psychological impact war has upon a soldier. The buzz on this one has been intense for 18 months now, and with its release imminent, major awards boards are falling all over themselves to celebrate the film even before it ever enters the local multiplex. BOP generally likes to go against the grain, but we feel no need in this instance. We loves us some Bridget Jones and Moulin Rouge!