Trailer Hitch for July 23, 2003

By Zach Kolkin

We're punking Michael Douglas!

8. Cabin Fever

You know you're in for an unintentionally funny horror movie when, for no discernible reason, the film's trailer starts off with a lingering pan of a girl in a bikini.  The humor is about the only redeeming feature of this absolutely horrible looking film about a disease that apparently makes those infected act like they are mentally retarded before they die horrible painful deaths (I wish I were making this up).   Especially after seeing such a slick and well-made horror film trailer as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (see below), this preview was flat-out hysterical.  After seeing Wrong Turn, I thought I had seen the worst slasher-flick-in-the-woods of 2003.  Turns out I was wrong.

7. Once Upon a Time in Mexico

Robert Rodriguez wraps up his El Mariachi trilogy with this film, once again starring Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek.  Johnny Depp also joins the fray this time around, rounding out what appears on paper to be quite a fantastic cast.  I've always thought of El Mariachi and Desperado as cult movies, and it is interesting to see this film being portrayed as a much more mainstream picture.  While watching this trailer, I was struck by how big a star Salma Hayek has become since the release of Desperado; while she was practically unknown then, she is now one of the biggest draws for the film.  While I'm sure that hardcore fans of the series will be salivating over this ad, I did not find it too appealing or intriguing.  Although I liked the sequences that Depp was in, the rest of the clip was hard to follow for someone who does not know the background for the movie.  While I get the sense that this film is attempting to introduce the series to a wider audience, this trailer ultimately fails at this goal.

6. Scary Movie 3

Much to my amazement, this trailer was actually pretty funny.  There is a good side and a bad side to this, however.  The good side is that it means there's a slim chance that this could be a halfway decent movie.  The bad side is that after seeing this trailer, we might have already seen every funny joke in the film.  Either way, there is no denying that the bit between Pamela Anderson and Jenny McCarthy was quite funny.  Even with the moments of hilarity, though, there were some slow spots; what was with all the people running into the boom mikes, for instance?  If there isn't even enough material to make a snappy two minute clip for this film, things aren't looking too promising.  While I hope that this turns out to be a funny movie, I'm certainly not holding my breath.

5. The Rundown

Throw The Rock, Stiffler, Christopher Walken, and some midgets into an action- comedy and what do you get?  Quite possibly one of the craziest movies you have ever seen.  That pretty much sums up The Rundown, where the plot is simply an excuse to give Seann William Scott and his slightly larger costar ninety minutes to yuk it up.  While I can't say the movie looks all that good, it really doesn't look that bad either.  I was actually expecting a little more from the ultra-charismatic wrestler; unfortunately, his performance seemed rather flat.  Still, the preview is certainly amusing, and you couldn't find a better pair of teenage male idols than Scott and The Rock.  With that slightly less discriminating crowd, this picture looks like it has the potential to be a real hit.

4. Eulogy

This preview is for the very funny Eulogy, an ensemble black comedy about a family that comes together to mourn (and by "mourn" I mean "celebrate") the death of the clan's patriarch.  The spot alternates between jokes made at the expense of the disliked dad (my personal favorite would be the grandson telling his father "We know how you feel; you don't have to cheapen it with words") and various gags about the hopeless dysfunctional family.  The cast looks surprisingly good; although the biggest name in it is probably Ray Romano, they still all seem to work very well together.  Despite the fact that audiences are nowadays used to seeing ensemble comedies with a number of big-name stars, this one boasts a lot of slightly lesser known names, and thus it will be interesting to see how well this film catches on.  It certainly appears to have the potential to be extremely funny; one can only hope that the entire film is as good as the trailer.

3. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Who would have thought that a remake of one of the campiest horror films ever made, starring Jessica Biel and that sketchy-looking guy from 24 and Six Feet Under, could actually look so damn slick?  I was certainly shocked to find myself slightly interested in seeing this movie after watching the trailer.  Perhaps the smartest move in advertising this film is using hotshot producer Michael Bay's name, while omitting the fact that this is the debut feature film for both the director and the screenwriter (Project Greenlight, anyone?).  I really liked the wide selection of music used in the preview as well; each one seemed to fit in quite nicely, from the eerie opening theme, which almost sounds like a tribal chant, to the tense orchestral accompaniment to the photograph sequence near the middle of the clip.  The "snapshots" were another very cool part of the trailer, adding even more to its creepiness.  Although I certainly wouldn't have expected it coming in, this is actually one of the best previews for a horror film I have seen in quite some time.

2. Calendar Girls

For some reason, naked ordinary English people seem to have some kind of appeal that the rest of us plain folk simply can't match.  Calendar Girls is the story of a group of older women who, in making their annual calendar, decide to pose nude for the photos in order to raise money for charity.  The film is based on a true story, which is always a good sign for a "heart- warming tale" such as this one.  Despite the potential for this to turn into a schmaltzy Lifetime movie, it doesn't appear to head in that direction at all.  Instead, it recognizes its humor and doesn't hesitate to be self-deprecating.  With such a charming trailer, it certainly appears that Calendar Girls has the potential to be the next international film to make a big hit here in the United States.

1. Intolerable Cruelty

To steal a phrase from BOP's Noah Schuchman, how many more seconds until this one opens?  Intolerable Cruelty is the latest film from The Coen Borthers, offering their usual quirky take, this time on the romantic comedy genre.  George Clooney and Catherine Zeta-Jones are the two main stars, but the rest of the cast is superb as well (Edward Hermann looks particularly fantastic).  Clooney plays a divorce lawyer working for Zeta-Jones' husband, who is trying to frame the wife in order to avoid coughing up a bunch of cash.  The chemistry between the two leads looks fantastic, even in the short amount of time they appear onscreen together here (start taking notes, Jen & Ben).  The preview is filled with humor that in many other cases would seem completely lame and ridiculous, but here it works perfectly.  After seeing this first trailer, I can without a doubt say that Intolerable Cruelty is one of my most anticipated films for the fall.

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