TiVoPlex

By John Seal

March 2-8, 2004

I don't think that's the proper way to treat the American flag.

From the obscure to the obscurest to the merely overlooked or underappreciated; they all have a home in the TiVoPlex! All times PDT.

Tuesday 03/02/04

9:15am Encore True Stories
Deadman’s Curve (1978 USA): It was an odd choice for a TV movie in 1978, but it seems even odder now. Singers Jan and Dean were minor hitmakers in the early ‘60s with pale Beach Boys imitations like Sidewalk Surfin’ - an early paean to the joys of skateboarding, with the unforgettable choral refrain “bust your buns, bust your buns” - and the legendary Little Old Lady From Pasadena. The hits came to a halt in early 1966 when Jan crashed his Corvette Stingray into a truck in Beverly Hills, almost losing his life in the accident. Fast-forwarding 12 years to the late ‘70s, Jan had, against all odds, recovered, leading to a brief spurt of attention for the duo, which no doubt fueled interest in this biopic, one of the better Movies-of-the-Week of the period. Richard Hatch, on the cusp of small-screen stardom in Battlestar Galactica, starred as Jan, and Bruce Davison (X-Men’s Senator Kelly) appeared as Dean, but the real hook for viewers were appearances by such ‘60s pop luminaries as DJ Wolfman Jack, Dick “we’re running late today” Clark, and real-life Beach Boys Bruce Johnston and Mike Love. For Baby Boomers already waxing nostalgic for the simpler days of their lost youth, Deadman’s Curve arrived at the right time, and it’s a decent little film that holds up fairly well today. Grab your remote and go channel surfin’ with me! Also airs at 6:40pm.

5pm Turner Classic Movies
Private Eyes (1953 USA): Years ago, one of the cable channels - I can’t remember which, though it might have been USA Network - aired a Bowery Boys film every Saturday morning. For the last five or six years, though, the dimwitted lads have been absent from the boob tube, so fans will be thrilled to see that not only are the Boys returning to television, this time they’re doing so commercial-free. Private Eyes is a late entry in the series, which culminated in 1958 after an astonishing run of 48 features, not counting the earlier related films about various assortments of East Side Kids, Dead End Kids, and Little Tough Guys. For the uninitiated, these are lowbrow B films with the emphasis on slapstick and action involving stars Leo Gorcey and Huntz Hall, who engaged in good-natured badinage and malapropisms whilst unmasking villains, solving mysteries, and signing up for get-rich-quick schemes. Most of the series clock in at an hour or less, and this one is no exception at a brisk 64 minutes. Plot? Well, if you think Sach (Huntz Hall) turning into a mind reader after taking a blow on the head counts, then yes, Private Eyes does have a plot - but no one watches these films for the scripts anymore than anyone enjoys Scooby Doo for character development. For those who grew up attending the Saturday matinee down at the local bijou, the Bowery Boys are simple and entertaining comfort food.

Wednesday 03/03/04

5pm Turner Classic Movies
Charlie: The Life and Art of Charles Chaplin (2003 USA): I haven’t seen Richard Schickel’s tribute to the Little Tramp, but his film has garnered rave reviews from all corners, so I’m more than comfortable with making a recommendation. Narrated by director Sydney Pollack, Schickel’s film includes interviews with a cornucopia of cinema talent, including Woody Allen, Johnny Depp, and Martin Scorsese, as well as Chaplin’s daughter Geraldine and son Sydney. Their insights and comments are, of course, supported by a generous blend of film clips, newsreel footage, and home movies, and this should prove to be a superb introduction to those unfamiliar - or only peripherally familiar - with the life and films of Charles Chaplin. It’s followed at 7:15pm by the first-rate Coogan-Chaplin vehicle The Kid (1921 USA); at 8pm by the short documentary Chaplin Today hosted by Iranian director Abbas Kiarostami; and at 8:45pm by the most interesting item of all: a rare screening of Chaplin’s 1921 two-reeler, The Idle Class, featuring the mustachioed comic (in a double role as both The Little Tramp and a rich socialite) and regular co-stars Mack Swain and Edna Purviance. Schickel’s film re-airs at 9:30pm.

Thursday 03/04/04

2:30am Cinemax
Hercules (1983 ITA): Starring ex-bodybuilder and former Hulk Lou Ferrigno as the muscle-bound man of myth, Hercules is a bargain-basement sword-and-sorcery “epic” from director Luigi Cozzi, an auteur always eager to take the basic elements of better films and turn them into Euro-schlock (Alien Contamination, anyone?). This is really dreadful stuff, not even on a par with the Conan films, but genre fans will enjoy seeing Italian cinema stalwarts like Gianni Garko, Rossana Podesta, and William Berger, not to mention former film Herc Brad Harris, who essayed the role in 1961’s Fury of Hercules, as Augias. This version was produced by Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus, so you know it’s going to be crap, but it hasn’t been on TV in ages, making it prime TiVoPlex fare. Real masochists can tune in again at 5:30am.

5pm Turner Classic Movies
Rocky (1976 USA): Holy Stallone! TCM is gifting us with back-to-back-to-back-to back showings of the first four Rocky films, starting with the best of the series, the original film that made Sly a star and made Talia Shire a household name for a few months. It’s a decent film, though by no means the classic its most rabid partisans would have it be, elevated by terrific fight sequences, a good performance by Burgess Meredith as Stallone’s trainer, and (of course) Bill Conti’s unforgettable and stirring theme music. Rocky II airs at 7:15pm, and whilst the story of Sly’s fight comeback against reigning champion Apollo Creed isn’t terribly engaging, at least most of the original cast returned, including Shire, Meredith, Carl Weathers, and Burt Young. By 1982’s Rocky III, the Great White Hope is fat and happy until a new challenger (played by Mr. T) comes along, forcing the champ to rediscover the fire that helped him rise to the top in the first place. By the time the sluggardly Rocky IV entered theaters in 1985, it was clear that the franchise was running out of steam, with Rocky’s character crossbreeding with Stallone’s other meal ticket, Rambo, in a Cold War morality play about an underdog Yank (guess who) taking on the superhuman Russkie pugilist (Dolph Lundgren) responsible for Apollo Creed’s death. For better or worse, TCM hasn’t scheduled the series finale, Rocky V, but here’s the kicker for fight fans and film fans alike: all four of these films are being aired wide-screen. You’ll probably feel a bit punchy after eight hours of this stuff, so keep some smelling salts handy.

Friday 03/05/04

7:15am IFC
Onibaba (1964 JAP): If you like a good horror story, you’ll want to make time for Onibaba, a film long overshadowed by the better known Kwaidan (1965) in the Japanese supernatural shocker sub-genre. Whilst the latter film was an anthology of four stories, Onibaba tells only one, but what a story it is. Jitsuko Yoshimura (previously seen in the perverse Insect Woman) plays a young woman whose mother-in-law, Nobuko Otowa, acquires - and begins to wear - the mask of a slain samurai. Slowly the mask starts to exert a pernicious influence on the older woman, transforming her in unexpected and disturbing ways. Featuring a superb score by Hikaru Hayashi (Violence at Noon) and shot in glimmering black-and-white Tohoscope, Onibaba is on a par with English-language thrillers like The Innocents (1961 GB) and The Haunting (1963 GB). Gorehounds will be disappointed; however, those who prefer their chills doled out sparingly will be well satisfied. Also airs at 1:15pm and 3/8 at 1pm.

10am Turner Classic Movies
The Boy With Green Hair (1948 USA): I don’t think I’ve seen this Joseph Losey film in 20 years or more, and I’m a bit loathe to recommend it based on either my own memories (which are dim) or the collective critical assumptions long made about the film (it’s an anti-war allegory with an anti-witch-hunt twist). It can’t be denied, however, that both director Losey and screenwriter Alfred Lewis Levitt were blacklisted in the early ‘50s, with Losey relocating to Europe and Levitt assuming a pseudonym and a front. I do remember being impressed by Dean Stockwell’s vivid hair, however, and any film with Robert Ryan is worth a look. Sounds like it may be time for me to reacquaint myself with this film, which hasn’t been easy to see in recent years. Look for a teenage Russ Tamblyn as one of Stockwell’s classmates.

Saturday 03/06/04

5pm Fox Movies
The Girl Can’t Help It (1956 USA): Why is this film still unavailable on DVD? Perhaps the greatest rock-and-roll film ever made, The Girl Can’t Help It is fun from the opening credits to the final fade-out. Director Frank Tashlin got his start directing Looney Tunes shorts for Warner Bros, and his eye for the outrageous is on full display here, as is his ability to transfer cartoon-like qualities to his characters. Starring ‘50s sex bomb Jayne Mansfield as the unlikely protégé of music promoter Tom Ewell (excellent here as always), the film is a wonderful excuse to parade various rock -and-rollers across the screen in glorious Technicolor. Need to see Little Richard, Gene Vincent and the Blue Caps, Eddie Cochran, Fats Domino, The Platters, and The Treniers (The Treniers, I tell you!) in full color? This is the best (and in some cases, only) way to see them that way. Tashlin also co-wrote the screenplay with Herbert Baker, and its hilarious over-the-top characters include the wonderful Edmond O’Brien (overweight and elderly only a few years after being a matinee idol) as “Fats” Marty Murdock, the over-the-hill gangster who hires Ewell to turn Mansfield into a star, and Henry Jones as O’Brien’s loyal but meek sidekick, Mousey. Perfect in almost every respect, The Girl Can’t Help It is the ultimate rock flick, embodying in its 99 minutes everything you need to know about the music that changed the world.

Sunday 03/07/04

9pm Turner Classic Movies
Cyrano de Bergerac (1925 FRA-ITA): I may be mistaken, but I think this is the American television premiere of this silent continental classic. If you haven’t had the opportunity to see this on DVD, you should definitely set your recorder this evening. Actually completed in 1922, the filmmakers took the following three years to painstakingly hand-tint the film, and the result is a stunning example of this lost art form. Starring Pierre Magnier as the great lover with the prominent proboscis, Cyrano was adapted from Edmond Rostand’s play by the legendary Italian filmmaker Mario Camerini, whose film career extended all the way into the early 1970s.

Monday 03/08/04

5:45am Starz!
Mortal Combat (1978 HK): No, not the Mortal Kombat with Christopher Lambert and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa. This one is an older chop-socky epic directed by kung-fu godfather Chang Cheh and starring familiar faces like Dick Wei, Philip Kwok, and Lo Meng. Also released as Crippled Avengers and The Return of the Five Deadly Venoms (a title of convenience, as this film really has nothing to do with that landmark martial arts story other than featuring many of the same actors), Mortal Combat engages five differently-abled kung-fu experts - one deaf, one blind, one legless, and one insane (!) - in battle against a bad guy whose son has no hands. Building on the conceits of the earlier Master of the Flying Guillotine (1975 HK), the theme of physically-imperfect martial artists was further developed in the ‘80s by films such as Crippled Heroes and Crippled Masters. Unfortunately being aired in a pan-and-scan print, Mortal Combat remains one of the highlights of this strange sub-genre and is essential viewing for fans of Hong Kong cinema. Also airs at 8:45am, 4:15pm, and 7:15pm.

5pm Turner Classic Movies
Hound of the Baskervilles (1939 USA): TCM really has some terrific theme nights on tap this month. This evening it’s Sherlock Holmes’ turn, with Hammer’s interpretation of Conan Doyle’s finest mystery novel kicking things off. Though not up to the standards set by the 1939 Fox version that introduced the Basil Rathbone-Nigel Bruce Holmes and Watson team, this version features the always-wonderful Peter Cushing as the drug-addicted, cape-clad savant. Add in Christopher Lee as Sir Henry and the underappreciated Andre Morell as Dr. Watson, and you have an above-average take on the moorland murders near Baskerville Hall (and at least it’s better than the Dudley Moore-Peter Cook version). Next up is 1937’s made-in-Britain Murder at the Baskervilles then airs at 6:30pm, providing a fascinating opportunity to compare and contrast two interpretations of the same story. The British film, whilst featuring a well-cast Arthur Wontner as Holmes, sadly comes up with the short end of the stick, but is nonetheless an intriguing alternative to the soon-to-be well-established American films. Indeed, after one more film at Fox in 1939, the series went on hiatus until 1942, when it moved to Universal and really struck a nerve with wartime cinemagoers. The second of the Universals, Sherlock Holmes and the Secret Weapon, airs tonight at 7:45pm, and the wise decision to relocate the characters from the late 19th century to war-torn contemporary Britain immediately won patriotic filmgoers over with its tale of a purloined Nazi bombsight. Lionel Atwill returns as the evil Professor Moriarty, here aligned with Herr Hitler and the Third Reich, and the film also features regulars Dennis Hoey as Inspector Lestrade and Mary Gordon as Mrs. Hudson. It’s followed at 9pm by 1945’s The Woman in Green, a more traditional murder story with Henry Daniell replacing Atwill as the villainous Moriarty; at 10:15pm by 1946’s Dressed to Kill (the last and least of the series); and at 11:30pm by the penultimate Universal Holmes, Terror by Night (also 1946). It’s unfortunate that TCM isn’t airing some of the better mid-period features, such as Sherlock Holmes and the Spider Woman and The Scarlet Claw (both 1944), but this promises to be a pleasant way to spend a late winter’s evening.

8:30pm IFC
Female Trouble (1975 USA): I have to admit I never thought that John Waters tasteless and tacky coming-of-age comedy would appear on a respectable cable channel, but I’m delighted to report that I was wrong. Waters regular Divine stars as Dawn Davenport, an unhappy teenager whose life goes to Hell in a hand-basket when her cruel parents deny her a pair of high-heeled shoes one Christmas. It’s all downhill for poor Dawn as she struggles at school, runs away from home, turns to a life of crime, and ends up getting the chair. Also featuring Waters favorites Mink Stole and Edith Massey - as well as a number of other, less well-known Baltimore compatriots of the acerbic director - Female Trouble isn’t the gross-out that Pink Flamingos is, but it’s definitely pre-Hairspray Waters. In other words, please don’t show this to little Billy or Granny. And please drop me an e-mail if you have any idea why this film was dedicated to Manson acolyte Tex Watson!

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