A-List: More Actors Who Shouldn’t Play Ebenezer Scrooge

By Josh Spiegel

November 5, 2009

He's not gonna like this column.

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Sandler is, of course, way too young to play Ebenezer Scrooge, but if it's not stopping Jim Carrey, it shouldn't stop him! For example, Click featured Sandler in old-age makeup, so maybe that's the best idea. If Sandler doesn't decide to remake Scrooged (he already remade Mr. Deeds Goes To Town, so why not another well-regarded film?), he might either take on a modern-day take, as a hotshot businessman, maybe in the stock market, realizes how great his life has been, and how terrible he's become because of his greed; if not, get Sandler to a dialect coach and teach him how to speak like a real live British person! Hey, why not get him whoever taught Dick Van Dyke his goofy Cockney accent? I see this one making millions.

Kevin Costner

I know what you're thinking, folks. We all remember Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, even if we might not want to. Costner's British accent in that film was, in a word, horrendous. This, however, will be his chance at redemption, not only at having a solid accent, but at hitting the spotlight once again. Costner has, in recent years, done a variation on his good-old-boy role in The Upside of Anger and Swing Vote. Now that he's gotten that out of his system, I envision a return to the halcyon days of writing and directing once again. Sure, I know you're thinking, once again, of a failure such as The Postman, but why not give Costner the reins? He's gotten the major, major flop out of his system, so it's about time he struck back with something more solid.




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Moreover, Costner is getting old enough to play a miser like Ebenezer Scrooge, so there won't be as much need for makeup. Just get him to grow out his stubble a bit, not have a haircut for a few months or so, he'll be set. Costner, also, has been accused of having somewhat large ideas of his own talent (or at least, he did in the 1990s), so a film where he could write, direct, and star, especially as one of the most iconic characters in all of literature, would be a perfect fit. Now, if he happens to make a good movie (hopefully with some solid character actors like Will Patton as Mr. Fezziwig, Morgan Freeman as Bob Cratchit - I said it - and maybe Mary McDonnell as a slightly older Belle), we're all the luckier.

Tom Cruise

Oh yeah. Listen, if we're going to have more version of A Christmas Carol, and even more variations on the common theme, let's get some action in here. I'm seeing Cruise turning this story of a miser into one about a hardened cop who's too focused on the job to even appreciate the spirit of Christmas. Maybe it could even be called Mission: Impossible 4: A Christmas Carol, making Ethan Hunt the lead in a ghost story of his own making. I'm not sure that we could get J.J. Abrams to direct again, but Cruise will likely love such an ego trip. Granted, Cruise is actually a solid performer, in such dramatic roles in films like Magnolia and Jerry Maguire, but he could probably ham his way through the classic line "Bah, humbug!" Oh, and get Katie Holmes to play Belle - no, wait, she'd probably be a bit better as the Ghost of Christmas Past, seeing as she still acts like a waif. Who's with me?


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