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Hugh Grant

It wouldn't really make sense for a list about potential actors to play Ebenezer Scrooge to not include someone actually from the United Kingdom, right? Grant is certainly getting on in years (take a look at the promotional materials for his latest film, Did You Hear About The Morgans? - the answer being "No, and I'd just as soon not hear about them", by the way - and you'll see some gray hair sprouting near his ears), and he's skilled as a charming, raffish lead. More than likely, he'd ace the flashback scenes where Scrooge is an awkward, somewhat antisocial clerk; few British actors these days do awkward better than Grant. Of course, when it comes to the heavy dramatics, specifically when Scrooge focuses more on money than his beautiful girlfriend, Grant may have to work a bit harder than usual.

Still, Grant's goofy charm has given way, in films like About A Boy, to a bit of regular Scrooge-ish behavior. In that film, even though he'd argue that he didn't do much of anything resembling acting, Grant showed that he can actually do more than stand opposite loud and unfunny actresses like Sandra Bullock and Sarah Jessica Parker and act. So why is Grant on a list of actors who shouldn't touch the story? Well, Grant seems to have shied away from doing films like About A Boy, focusing instead of films starring, in the upcoming case, Sarah Jessica Parker. Grant may be suffering from some greed issues of his own, if all he's doing is making money. Get thee to an acting coach, Hugh.

Robin Williams

Listen, I give Robin Williams credit. Way more credit than most people do. I actually saw Jakob The Liar, his late-1990s attempt to out-Benigni Roberto Benigni with a Holocaust tearjerker. No, I didn't like it, but hey, how many of you actually sat through that movie? These days, Williams' fast-paced shtick isn't seen as funny anymore, instead just a bit pathetic. Yes, he pulled off an indie role in World's Greatest Dad, but his latest project is the high-concept comedy Old Dogs, with John Travolta. Look as Barbarino and Mork raise a kid! I bet some wackiness will ensue, and I will have to grab my sides, because they hurt so much while I laugh. The point here is that Williams, despite some quirky choices like Insomnia and One Hour Photo, has been doing more movies like Old Dogs and RV to make some dough.

Williams could possibly hold in his inner child, to not make Scrooge as hyperactive as Jim Carrey's Grinch in a film that we should just not talk about ever again. Frankly, even the possibility that Williams would come to a movie set as Ebenezer Scrooge by way of the Genie from Aladdin chills me to the bone. Sure, he could be layered in his performance, but don't you want someone consistent, or capable of surprising you in a good way, as opposed to the ham-fisted silliness you get from movies like Father's Day (and yes, that's another one I saw, in the theatres; what a waste of time). Williams can be a good actor, like Hugh Grant or even Kevin Costner. The likelihood that he will be good is very, very disturbingly low.

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