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Are you swooning yet? If you're Bella, who's apparently as insane (for proof, check out the execrable New Moon), of course you are. Nothing says love like a pale-faced loony who's so intense, he might throw up. In the real world, there are would be people surrounding Bella and Edward who are worried for her safety; I'm not saying that there aren't people who would be as self-destructive as Bella is (for her, as you can all imagine, danger equals walking up to a motorcycle-driving guy and....asking for a ride!), but there aren't nearly enough people in this world who wouldn't tell her to run the other way when Mr. Faux-Intensity came running toward her, whether to stop a truck or just to glare at her for a while. In the real world, Bella would be forcibly removed from this nutcase.

Buddy the Elf in Elf

Now, let's get this out of the way: I love Elf. Elf is one of my favorite holiday movies. Elf is one of Will Ferrell's funniest movies, and Buddy the Elf is one of his best characters. But Buddy the Elf is a wacko. Yes, you're thinking, his father (as played by James Caan) doesn't exactly welcome Buddy with open arms, nor does he believe Buddy's story of living and working alongside Santa Claus at the North Pole. That said, why doesn't Caan's character call up Bellevue as soon as he realizes that his long-lost, fully-grown son dresses up like an elf at Santa's workshop? Well...because the story requires him not to. In the real world, more than just Buddy being dragged away from his dad's publishing company would happen. Those security guards would call up the psych ward, lickety-split.

Moreover, when Buddy's stepmother, played by Mary Steenburgen with her usual charm and grace, takes Buddy's rantings (and they would be rantings to Steenburgen and Caan's characters, remember) at face value and simply shrugs...well, that just wouldn't happen. Again, I'm not bashing this movie (certainly not anywhere near the level of Twilight), but the character of Buddy the Elf is a crazy person. Santa Claus, in real life, does not exist (I know, I'm breaking hearts and spirits left and right today). A grown man dressed as an elf would be taken away and never seen again. Frankly, he's just as likely to be a serial killer as he is to be a committed patient at Bellevue. But, then, Elf doesn't take place in the real world.

Giselle in Enchanted

Maybe Buddy the Elf could hang out with Giselle from the Disney movie Enchanted. As played by Amy Adams, Giselle is a charming, beautiful and disarming princess. Adams' performance elevates the rest of the movie (which, aside from the supporting performances courtesy of Timothy Spall and James Marsden, is pretty weak), but even still: Giselle is insane. Or, you could take her at face value: she's a princess from a far-off place in, apparently, another universe. Oh, and she's never seen an aquarium or fish before; that, and only that, would explain why, in one scene set in a law office, Giselle sees a few fish and swallows them whole, before spitting them out in an ashtray. That is what a crazy person does. Crazy people swallow fish and spit them out in front of human beings. But no one calls the nuthouse to take her in.

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