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Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

Comedies shouldn’t be ignored when it comes to 3-D conversions. It’s too easy to forget about these movies, even if some of them are wildly successful and have tons of gross-out jokes that need to be experienced with 3-D glasses on. Can you imagine watching There’s Something About Mary in 3-D? Finally, you can touch Ben Stiller’s frank and beans! Isn’t that what you’ve all been wanting to do anyway? But I’ve chosen another great comedy here, one whose gross-out jokes aren’t nearly as in-your-face. We may not be ready yet for There’s Something About Mary in 3-D. There’s only so much we can handle. Instead, I’m picking one of my favorite comedies, the 2004 film Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. Of course, Will Ferrell’s back on the big screen with director Adam McKay this weekend with The Other Guys, but Anchorman’s the best of their films.

What does Anchorman offer in 3-D? You’ve got the luminous Christina Applegate, real enough to touch. There’s the scene where Jack Black, as an angered motorcyclist, kicks a dog off a bridge. And what about the scene where Ron Burgundy has a massive erection and shows it off to his female love interest? That’s almost as good as Ben Stiller’s frank and beans, right? I know, you think I’m going too far, but when it comes to 3-D conversions, there is no such thing! We need to push this technology as far as it is able to go, and then some. If we’re going to make 3-D movies, then this great comedy, which even features a bear attack that could become too real for some audience members, needs to be converted, and fast. Anchorman may not seem a likely candidate for 3-D, but just imagine Ferrell’s mustache with those glasses. It can’t lose!

The Bridge on the River Kwai

Here’s a twist on the idea of having a war movie converted into 3-D. Why not have a war movie in 3-D? Think of a movie like Saving Private Ryan. The bullets are flying all around, and the camera is roving throughout the epic, harrowing battle. We are there in Normandy on Omaha Beach. Imagine all of that respectful yet realistic fighting…in 3-D! But Saving Private Ryan is still too fresh in people’s minds, so let’s bring back a golden oldie, as it were. From 1957, it’s The Bridge on the River Kwai. In 3-D! Alec Guinness and William Holden! Combative generals from the British and Japanese armies! A bridge being built over nearly three hours! In 3-D! We are talking about one of the classic war movies, done right after over 50 years. Like 12 Angry Men, its 55th anniversary comes up in 2012, so that’s when it comes out.

The Bridge on the River Kwai doesn’t have a lot of action, but like most of the great David Lean epics, it can be incredibly immersive. When Guinness’ stubborn general is forced into an iron hut in the middle of the baking heat, we’re there with them. With the 3-D glasses on, we’ll be sweating, too. When Holden escapes to lie on the beach with a beautiful young woman, we’ll feel the water from the shore at our heels. And when the climactic scene, in which the titular bridge is brought down amidst tons of explosives, happens, we’ll be on the edges of our collective seats, shielding ourselves from the wreckage. David Lean’s films, especially his later works, need to be experienced on the big screen. Putting us even further into the action is the best way to do this. 3-D all the way.

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