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The Stolen Tweet

The Social Network is about how a few people say they were involved at the beginning of Facebook, but were pushed out by its creator, Mark Zuckerberg. One of the main storylines is between Zuckerberg (as played by Jesse Eisenberg) and his best friend (Andrew Garfield), who claims that he was railroaded because he wasn’t moving at the same speed as his buddy. What if the facts were slightly changed for the story of Twitter, in a film called The Stolen Tweet? Two directions for this movie: it becomes a neo-noir, recalling the great films of the 1940s where people like Humphrey Bogart would get embroiled in vast conspiracies and shack up with dames, broads, and other antiquated terms for women. The film could also be a straight-up depiction of how Twitter became something else when its creators stole from someone else. Mystery or conspiracy thriller? You choose.

Either way, The Stolen Tweet could be as much of a cinematic revolution as The Social Network purports to be. The latter has been called the film of the decade, and it seems to be something akin to All The President’s Men. Sorkin and Fincher have managed to make a topic that seems completely boring - the founding of Facebook - into a breathless drama. It can be done for Twitter, friends, just you wait and see. To spice things up - whether The Stolen Tweet is a mystery or a political conspiracy - we’ll have to have some action scenes. If our investigator is the main character (I’m seeing someone like Daniel Craig as the lead), there could be a car chase or two thrown in for good measure as he outruns those who don’t want him coming close to the truth. He sniffs out a case, but I’m sniffing out some Oscars!

The Twits

If there’s one word in the English language that I wish hadn’t become so commonplace, so accepted in traditional vernacular, so normal, it’s the word bromance. Bromance, which isn’t really a word as dictionaries define them, but is regularly used these days, means a story of friendship between two guys, roughly in their 20s or 30s. So let’s make the story of Twitter a bromance! What is The Social Network if not an exploration of a failed friendship, between Zuckerberg and Eduardo Saverin (Garfield)? Theirs was the bromance that couldn’t get off the ground, but the story of Twitter is much happier in the new, laugh-out-loud, raunchy comedy The Twits. You will not be surprised to find out that The Twits are the two lead characters, a couple of regular dudes who like to hang out, play video games, and get high together.

You will also not be surprised that I am envisioning The Twits to be directed, written, and/or produced (depending on his schedule, of course) by Judd Apatow, and starring Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill. Or Jason Segel. Hell, let’s make it about three guys and throw Segel in with Rogen and Hill. Now, Apatow and company have been involved with a lot of movies that follow this template, but the difference is what will net Apatow an Academy Award nomination for Best Picture: it’s a true story! The trio of actors may not have to stretch too much, but the story will be so heartfelt, so real, and so hilarious that voters won’t be able to deny them Oscar glory. The Social Network has been touted as the top Oscar contender, and doesn’t it seem ridiculous that a movie about Facebook would get there? Why not Twitter? Why not…The Twits?

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