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What ends up happening is that the only noteworthy moments in the modern telecast - I repeat, few and far between - are those truly unscripted ones such as Jennifer Lawrence’s spill as she walked up to the podium to collect her Best Actress statuette a couple of years ago. This moment is too recent to make it onto the list, but shows that the ability to just let people be is better than following a tight line - after all, people tune as much into these things to see their adored celebrities be real (lose, win, cry, and laugh in real terms), not to see them do what they see them do on script.

Other than Jennifer’s slip and fall, there are many other moments that deserve honorable mentions. Sacheen Littlefeathers’ rejection of Marlon Brando’s Best Actor award for The Godfather immediately comes to mind. I don’t mean the speech itself - that would be outside the parameters of today’s list - which was clearly scripted and rehearsed. But the sheer theatrics of sending an American Indian (one who later turned out to be an impostor actress posing as such, nonetheless) as a huge middle finger to the Academy (after graciously accepting the Best Actor Oscar for On the Waterfront, nonetheless) remains one of the most talked about moments in Oscar telecast history.

Alas, I do not include it here because the moment was such an attention grab by Brando as to be almost embarrassing to the beloved actor. When George C. Scott expected to win for Patton, he made a deadpan statement about the stupidity of the Academy Awards, and left it at that. Keep it simple. “A simple thank you would have sufficed.” (If you get that Oscar speech reference, I think you and I both need to get a life).

Or how could one ever forget the image of Jack Palance doing push-ups at the 1992 telecast (I’ll use the year of transmission, which is the year following the release date of movies each particular show honors) when he won Best Supporting Actor for City Slickers? Facing an impingement of his virility, Palance responded graciously and impressively, wowing the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion with the uneasy feat of pressing one’s bodyweight off the floor with one arm. A close sixth place, to be honest.

There are also several iconic moments coming from past Oscars hosts. Billy Crystal has at least two in my mind, as his appearance on screen as Hannibal Lecter in the 1992 telecast or on the Titanic in 1998 were some of the most naturally funny if obvious moments of the award. Alas, I had space for only one iconic host moment on the list, as you shall see.

And last but certainly not least, and missing the cut only because of its sheer recency and my inability to truly evaluate the import of the moment, is Ellen’s celebrity selfie at last year’s telecast. Crashing YouTube within minutes, spawning copycat selfies immediately, and becoming the most-talked about moment of last year’s show, this seemingly-improvised moment cemented Ellen’s place in Oscar lore and is likely to become an iconic moment with the passage of time. Let’s promise to revisit the list in short order.

For now, however, it is time to at long last move on to the top five. One final note: no, you will not find Roberto Benigni’s “walk across the chairs” moment here. That buffoonic display deserves no mention other than the previous sentence.

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